Sand, Sugar, and Salt
by binaryguppy
Summary: Candace can't stop thinking about Dakota since their sizzling fling that one summer day. When her heart sends her on an international wild goose chase, she unwittingly ropes Castiel, Nathaniel, and Lysander into the mess. If she ever finds Dake, will he return her feelings? Is someone else waiting for her with open arms? Each of the four parts brings new heartache and disaster.
1. Chapter 1

**Part I**

**How could Candace let herself get swept off her feet by some stranger she met on the beach only hours ago? Where does her short-lived summer fling put her relationship with Nathaniel? And—perhaps most importantly—_why _is Candace's aunt dressed like a fairy? All of these questions and more are answered in part one my first ever attempt at a My Candy Love fic.**

**Chapter 1: Good Choices**

"I know I promised I'd take you to a movie today, but a co-worker called in sick. Now I have to work this party, and it's three hours from here... So you're on your own again."

Auntie was the only family member I had left, and it seemed as though every other day this summer she had to drive out to see some far-flung client at the last minute—and this was only the second week of vacation!

"...But don't worry! I bought you a present to make up for it!" She held out a handled paper shopping bag stamped with Leigh's elaborate logo. "I got you the cutest swimsuit! I thought you might like to go down to the beach with your girlfriends! Maybe you'll run into some cute boys there!"

I looked into the bag and cringed. The bathing suit she had chosen for me was a tiny purple bikini held together with decorative pink and turquoise beaded strands.

"Um... Thank you, Auntie," I stammered, though it was obvious I was not thrilled.

Auntie took immense delight in my embarrassment. "Don't worry, Sweetie! You've got more than enough to fill out that bikini top!"

I felt my face flush beet red. I did not dignify her comment with a response.

With a metallic jingle, Auntie grabbed her jumble of keys off the kitchen counter with her long acrylic nails. She click-click-clicked in her heels from the kitchen to the front door, and I padded wordlessly after her, still in my slippers and green pajamas. With a swoosh of tulle, she was out the door and climbing into her car in the driveway before I could formulate an objection. On the driver's side door, the letters of her employer's shimmery decal (_"Fairy Godmother Party Performers: Making Birthday Magic since 1996"_) were starting to peel off. "Don't worry," she yelled over the grumble of the engine starting. "I just know you'll knock 'em dead! Make good choices!"

As she disappeared around the corner, I wondered what Dad would make of this situation. He probably wouldn't even let me leave the house until I promised to wear a t-shirt over my bathing suit and not talk to strangers. But Dad wasn't here anymore, so I had to rely on myself.

_Make good choices!_

I peered into the shopping bag and was relieved to find the receipt nestled beside the tangled bikini. My first stop would be at Leigh's clothing store to exchange the laughable bathing suit. Hopefully, he had something in stock that was a little less..._revealing_.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Try This on for Size**

I dressed in a comfortable pair of jeans and high-top sneakers, brushed the tangles out of my long red hair, and rode my bicycle down to the shopping district. I came to a stop at a roadside tree across from Leigh's store. As I fumbled with my bike lock, out of the corner of my eye I noticed a huge head of blonde hair closely followed by two brunettes filing into the store.

_Amber_.

I let out an audible groan. We weren't even in school, and she still somehow found a way to ruin my plans.

I decided I would go into the store anyway. I was tired of letting her push me around. Besides, it would only take a minute or two to switch out the bathing suit. Worst case scenario, I would just return it and use the money to buy myself a ticket for a matinée at the discount theater.

I hoped Amber and her drones wouldn't notice the door chime ringing as I stepped inside. There was Leigh, as immaculately dressed as ever, listlessly folding multi-colored burnout tees that had been carelessly flung where they didn't belong. He carefully watched the three nightmarish girls, ready to kick them out the second one of them so much as thought of shoplifting.

He glanced my way acknowledged me with a nod.

I sheepishly waved back. "I wondered," I asked in a hushed voice so as not to alert Amber and Company of my presence, "if I could exchange this swimsuit." I showed him the contents of the shopping bag I had brought in. "My Auntie bought it for me, and I'm afraid it isn't really...my style."

He understood and waved me in. The swimwear was displayed in the window for summer. I crossed over to the neon-colored suits and started my search.

Meanwhile, since Amber, Charlotte, and Li lacked the capacity to speak with 'inside' voices, it wasn't exactly hard to eavesdrop on them.

"Want to go to my house after this?" suggested Charlotte. "My stepbrother and his hunky friend are there."

"Didn't he get sent to military school?" Li asked, squeezing her lips into a tiny 'o' and admiring her reflection in a rhinestoned compact.

"No, you're thinking of his _other _friend," corrected Charlotte. "This one's even hotter!"

"I already _told _you losers," Amber huffed, "that I'm spending the day at the beach with my big brother. You two can do whatever you want—you just have to give me your opinion on this swimsuit before I get it."

At the sound of their approaching footsteps, I hid myself behind a clearance rack where I could wait unnoticed until they moved away.

_Of course, she has to get in the way of the exact thing I came in for._

"Ooh, what about this green one with the starfish?" I heard Li ask.

"I already have a green one, and I'm sick of looking at it," Amber snapped. "I want this one—this purple and white one with the beads."

"You're right, it's pretty, but..." Charlotte's voice faltered, then fell to a whisper. "Don't you think the cups are a little too..._big_? I mean, just...the way they're cut..." Charlotte's voice trailed off.

I imagined Amber scowling at her friend, as she so often did. "I'll try it on and then you'll see it's perfect."

The three of them wove through the racks and tables to the back of the store. Amber claimed one of the stalls and pulled the curtain closed behind her. Moments later, she reemerged from the fitting room to show Li and Charlotte the purple bikini.

"See? Don't you think it was made for me?"

The silence that followed seemed to suggest that neither Li nor Charlotte thought the bikini was, in fact, made for her.

Mimicking Charlotte's whisper, Li asked Amber, "But what if the top comes undone in the water? You really should get a smaller top, so it would fit better..."

Amber considered the suggestion, and then yelled, "_Service_, please! I need some _service _here!"

Leigh sighed heavily and abandoned his shirt-folding to placate Amber in the back of the store. "How can I be of service, Miss?"

"Do you have this bikini top in a small?"

"I'm sorry, Miss. I just got the beaded bikinis in, and I'm already sold out of the smaller tops. All I have left are larges. Again, I'm sorry about that," Leigh apologized. "Let me know if there's anything else you need." He resumed his straightening and folding.

As soon as his back was turned, Amber blurted, "Let's get out of here, girls. This _dump _never has anything good, anyway. I knew it would be a waste of time." She made sure to yell loud enough for Leigh to hear.

The ringing of the chime as the door closed behind them signaled that it was safe for me to emerge from the clearance clothes. Now able to shop freely from the window display, I picked out a fluffy beach towel and a tube of SPF 80.

Leigh flashed me a knowing smile as he cashed me out. "So, you think that one's your style after all?"

I shamelessly grinned back. "Yes. I think I just needed to see it in different light."

"Good choice," he said mischievously.

"I think so, too," I agreed. "May I use a fitting room to change?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Fire and Ice**

It wasn't even 11AM yet, so the beach was mostly empty. I locked my bike to a metal rack by a concessions stand, the air around it smelling temptingly of oil boiling in a deep fryer. I was confident no one would bother my tote bag if I left it hanging from the handlebars; all you could see protruding from the top was my towel.

I made my way down to the beach barefoot, relishing the sensation of warm, soft sand underneath my toes. It was strange to walk around so exposed—like one of those dreams where you show up to school naked. I thought back to what Amber's friends had said and worried that the knot precariously holding my top together would come undone. I only let myself imagine the scenario for a second before banishing it from my mind, choosing to think of a more pleasant topic instead.

_Let's see Nathaniel commit to spending the day with his sister after he sees me like this!_

Before I could stop myself, I dove into a full-fledged fantasy: Nathaniel and I frolicking on a serene beach, just the two of us... Spelling out our initials in the sand... Gazing into his coppery amber eyes...

_Oh, crap. Amber._

I remembered I would have to get her away from him first, and the fantasy dissolved. I found myself shin-deep in seawater, the waves lapping at my knees and then rushing back. I glanced back to see how far I had come, and like a figment, there he was.

Nathaniel was just coming down to the beach from the street. It was bizarre to see him completely shirtless; in fact, I had only ever seen him in a button-down. I had taken for granted just how blond his hair was. It fell over his eyes in white-gold streaks.

As was my nervous habit, my fingers went instantly to my face to adjust the glasses frames that weren't there. I forgot that I hadn't even bothered to bring them with me. Instead, I twirled a stray lock of hair for a few fretful seconds until I had gathered enough courage to walk up the beach and greet Nathaniel.

His face lit up when he saw me. My heart fluttered with girlish delight.

"Oh, hey, Candace! I didn't expect to see you here."

"Hey Nathaniel! What are you doing here?" I asked, feigning innocence.

"I'm here with my sister so we can spend time together."

"Oh... Amber is here, too?"

"Yes, Amber is here, too," she announced. She wore a hunter green bikini—apparently the one she was 'sick of looking at.'

When she and I made eye contact, she noticed the bikini I was wearing. At my apparent gleeful smugness, pure rage washed over her. Her manicured fingers clenched the handles of her canvas beach tote, whitening her knuckles.

Amber couldn't stand it when another girl wore the same clothes as her. I learned this the hard way shortly after I bought back-to-school clothes from Leigh's when I first moved to the city. As was my luck, we both wore the same top to school on the same day, which made her indignantly angry. This was yet another bullet point on my List of Reasons to Hate Amber. Not only was she shallow, but she refused to see reason. Leigh's was the only store that sold juniors' clothes in the whole city. What did she expect? It wasn't like Leigh labeled things "Amber's Top" or "Amber's Necklace."

_I look way better in that top than she does, anyway—and now this bikini!_

"Excuse me Candace," Nathaniel apologized, snapping us both back to reality. "I'm going to put our things a little further away. We just got here so we don't have a spot yet."

Within a millisecond of Nathaniel turning his back, Amber was inches from my face. Amber was like a small nocturnal rodent, coming to life under the cover of darkness. "Listen here, Candace." The heat of her anger colliding with the iciness of her stare made the air around her sizzle. "You've been trying to turn my brother against me since you moved here. I'm going to prove to you that I'll always be his dear little sister—and an idiot like you will never change that."

This was item number one on my List of Reasons to Hate Amber.

_Yes, you are his sister. Yes, he loves you for it. I've never tried to change that. I never will. But you can't scare women away from him for the rest of his teenage life._

With Nathaniel so close, and away from the confines of an academic setting, there was no way I was going to let Amber ruin my fun. I would enjoy him as much as I could, and although she would try, she would not stop me.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Tangled**

"...I'm happy you're here today."

Nathaniel's comment caught me off guard. I had retrieved my tote bag and was spreading out my towel next to Nathaniel's. Amber did the same on his other side.

"...If I had known I'd be able to see in you in a bathing suit, I would... I mean..." His face instantly flooded with color and he averted his gaze, making him even more adorable. "It's... It's hot, isn't it?"

I silently thanked Auntie for choosing this bikini.

As usual, Amber was lurking nearby. "Nath, what are you _doing_?" she hissed. "Why is _she _still here?"

"I didn't come here to hear you complain, Amber," Nathaniel retorted. "Candace is here too. It would be stupid to leave her alone."

As Amber slowly blinked, and a light bulb flickered on inside her head. She directed an almost imperceivable sneer towards me before contorting her face into a disgusting pout. "But... You said that we would spend time _together_, just the _two _of us..."

Nathaniel thought in silence for a moment, staring off somewhere just over my shoulder. "...I'm sorry Candace, but she's right. I'm here for Amber. I hope you understand."

_He fell for that?_

It became clear at that point that this wasn't working. I couldn't think of a feasible way to get my elusive crush on his own.

"Of course! I understand," I lied. "I'd like to go for a swim. Can I leave you two here to play? I'll catch up with you."

I conceded this battle to Amber, but she hadn't won the war. I would leave for now, but right when Nathaniel was at his weakest, I'd be back. For good measure, I left my beach towel next to Nathaniel's as a placeholder.

As I made my way down the beach, they began a game of improvised net-less beach badminton—the only rule of which was probably 'Amber always wins.'

It was sickening, the way he bowed to her every whim like she was a seven-year-old throwing a tantrum.

I plunged into the waves, trying to look as though I knew what I was doing just in case Nathaniel happened to glance my way.

Even though we were on the beach, surrounded on all sides by sun, sea, and summer bliss, at that moment I felt exactly like I was back at Sweet Amoris High. I succumbed to déjà vu as I recalled a conversation I overheard in study hall. In it, Nathaniel mentioned that Japanese schoolgirls were cute and he wished the principal would enforce a dress code with uniforms. As soon as the bell dismissed the last period, I practically ran straight to Leigh's store and bought a preppy pleated skirt and knee-high socks. The next day, I couldn't concentrate on getting work done because I was driving myself crazy wondering if Nathaniel would notice me in the tacky skirt.

I let the current push me back to shore. Lost in thought, I stood in the squishy-soft soft sand, trying to pull apart a mass of long hair that had become entangled in the decorative beads of my bikini straps. While my attention was elsewhere, the knot of my bikini's halter top came undone, and instantly I was incapacitated by panic.

Nathaniel came to my rescue, wading into the water. I didn't know that he'd been watching me from the shore, just as I wished. The fingers of one hand delicately brushed my hair over my shoulder, and the other pulled the strings taut again, re-tying the knot in a matter of seconds.

_Crisis averted!_

As I turned to face him, my murmured thanks were drowned out by Amber's heckling. "Isn't it _sad_, big brother, what some girls will do for attention?"

I wanted him to reassure me with a smile, but he refused to look me in the eye. His voice was cold, and he gave an exasperated sigh. "Candace... Maybe you should find somewhere else to swim."

Amber came into view behind him farther up the beach, arms defiantly crossed.

_Amber, you little—  
_

"I didn't untie it on purpose! It was an accident! You don't believe her, do you, Nathaniel?"

Nathaniel said nothing in reply. He obviously did.

_You've lied before to make yourself look better. You've lied right to his face. Of course he's more inclined to believe his sister._

My eyes, itching with the threat of tears, shifted from Nathaniel to Amber, then back again.

_I don't belong here with them._

"I'll leave you alone."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: Ace**

I had known for a while that Nathaniel and I would never happen—it's just that I had been in such severe denial the entire year, I refused see reality. Well, Reality was here at last, and he was squeezing lemon juice over a thousand stinging paper cuts.

At first, I pretended to be mad at Nathaniel.

_Fine! If you want to let your sister to manipulate you, if you're too stupid to see through her lies, then I shouldn't waste my time chasing after you!_

I shifted my anger to an imaginary Amber.

_And you—you think you can get whatever you want if you bat your eyelashes and pout your lips! You are the worst kind of human scum!_

Once I was through pretending, I directed my anger at the true culprit: myself.

_What have I been doing this whole year? Desperately vying for the attention of a clueless seventeen-year-old schoolboy—dressing the way he likes, following him around, lying and stealing in order to appear more desirable, reading confidential information from his academic file—and then allowing myself to be crushed when he pursues other interests besides me, like his own family. I am no better than Amber. No, I am worse than Amber._

Nathaniel and Amber were the same number of years apart as Dad and Auntie. I imagined a young Dad and and his little sister at the beach, trying to spend the day together—only to be interrupted time and time again by some airheaded girl in a too-small bikini.

_I'm a fool. I don't deserve Nathaniel._

Tears spilled out over my scorching cheeks. The ocean reflected the afternoon sun's rays, throwing the dazzling light back in my face, further stinging my already tortured eyes as I sat sniveling in the gritty sand.

_Even the ocean thinks I'm a fool._

I didn't hear him as he approached from behind me.

When I whirled around, I expected Nathaniel to be standing over me.

The stranger was six feet tall, tan, and embellished with intricate tattoos. An elastic band held long blond hair out of his aquamarine eyes. Under one arm, he carried—of all things—a real, full-length surfboard. He even had a strap attached to his forearm with velcro so that he wouldn't lose the board in the waves.

"Hi! Are you alone?"

I was caught off guard by his abruptness as well as his stunning attractiveness. I felt my face reddening and hastily wiped tears from my cheeks with sandy fingers, hoping he wouldn't notice. "Uh, hello... I am right now... Alone, that is," I answered. "But I was about to go and join a friend."

Was I? Was I really going back to rejoin Nathaniel, after what had just happened? Was he my friend? Is that what Nathaniel was to me at this point?

The surfer met my gaze, his eyes piercing straight through me and reading my mind. "Forget about your friend! Come with me!"

I hesitated for a moment. Only a moment.

The surfer held out his free hand. He already knew my answer would be yes. "C'mon, don't bail out on me!"

I gave him my hand and a feeble, guilty nod.

"Ace!" His fingers closed around mine and he pulled me to my feet. He didn't let go of my hand. I didn't want him to. "Come on, we can talk a bit!"

We backtracked east along the shoreline, each step taking us closer to the part of the beach where I had left Amber and Nathaniel. In my mind, though, I was thousands of miles away, walking on the surface of the moon.

"So, tell me what high school you go to—so I can register."

I let out a strange giggle that came dangerously close to becoming a snort. "I go to Sweet Amoris High."

"I didn't know there were girls as cute as you there... It's a shame it's too far from my house."

By the sound of his Australian accent, I assumed Sweet Amoris was too far from his _continent_.

"What's your name?" he asked.

"Candace."

"Candy! It's as cute as you! I'm Dakota, but everyone calls me Dake."

Before Dake, only one person in the world had ever called me Candy: Dad. But I didn't correct him. It felt good to be called Candy again. It felt right.

"Nice to meet you, Dake."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6: Terms of Endearment**

"Do you come out to the beach often?"

"No. This is actually my first visit. I moved here earlier this year."

"Oh yeah? I'm not from here either. I'm from Australia. I'm here to visit my family. I should have known there wouldn't be any waves here. If there were, I would have taught you how to surf."

"...It's too bad you're from so far away. Are you going back to Australia soon?"

"Tomorrow, actually."

"Oh..."

"I thought as long as I'm here I'd try to have some fun...maybe make a friend." His eyes found mine. "You looked like you could use a friend."

"Yes, that's true." I smiled appreciatively. It was nice to have someone to talk to without worrying about him being stolen away—at least not until tomorrow.

_Which reminds me..._

Just as I was thinking it, the concessions stand appeared in the distance, and not too far from it, the spot where Nathaniel, Amber, and I had left our things.

"I left my bag just over there. Is it okay with you if I stop by?"

"Of course."

When we reached the untouched towels, he forced one end his surfboard to into the soft sand to take a break from carrying it.

"Doesn't that thing get heavy?" I asked as I rolled up my beach towel.

"Nah, I only brought a small one with me." As he rapped it with his knuckles, his eyes fixed on someone approaching from behind me. "Who's this? Your friends?"

Nathaniel and Amber were coming back to their towels, short of breath from romping on the beach, badminton rackets in hand.

Amber's face was priceless. She fussed with her tangled hair and wiped the sweat from her brow, conscientiously hiding her racket behind her back. "I'm usually much prettier than this," she trilled in a syrupy, flirtatious voice.

_Maybe you'll get his attention if you untie your swimsuit top, _I thought hatefully.

Much to my delight, Dake wasn't the least bit impressed. "I don't doubt it. You should put on some sunscreen or something."

True, Amber was starting to burn around the edges, especially her shoulders. She could think of nothing to say in reply. She just stood there, blinking and sweating, clearly intimidated by Dake's exquisiteness and put off by his indifference.

Nathaniel held his ground, eyeballing Dake up and down as though sizing up an opponent.

Dake cracked a charming smirk. "Sorry, mate! I'm not into blokes that way."

That did it. "Have some respect!" Nathaniel spat.

I tried to appeal to Nathaniel's logic, dismissing Dake's comment as a harmless Australian colloquialism. "He didn't mean it like that, Nathaniel. The terms he uses are just different from ours."

"Yeah, well, I don't think he's as cute or funny as you clearly do," Nathaniel shot back. I felt a pang of guilt, and spent the next passing seconds trying to decide whether or not I deserved it. I had only ever seen his anger boil over the one time he and Castiel got into a physical fight. One or both of them would have ended up with black eyes if I hadn't put myself in the middle.

"Your friends are weird, Candy," Dake said coolly.

Dake's nickname for me did not go unnoticed by Nathaniel. "In that case, Candace, I'd hate to keep you from your new _friend_." He pointedly drew out the last word. "Amber is having an allergy attack. We're going home." He knelt down to collect the two remaining beach towels and his sister's bag.

Amber protested. "What? No I'm not!" Her brother wrapped a defensive arm over her sunburnt shoulders. She let out an indignant "OW!" and the two hurriedly left.

"Geez, who dropped a crab down his budgie smugglers?" Dake drawled, not caring either way if Nathaniel heard him. "Honest, though, I didn't mean to drop in on his girl."

"_Trust_ me, you're not dropping in on his _anything_." I shoved my towel into my tote bag. "He's just a friend from school. And I'm sorry for the way he treated you. He's not usually like that."

I didn't outright lie to him, but Dake wasn't an idiot. He could tell that Nathaniel wasn't _just _a friend from school. He could tell, too, from the way I held my head higher that it had been a gratifying experience, brandishing the exotic surfer boy in front of my former heartthrob and his pest of a sister.

I was using him. And he had no problem with being used.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7: Sun Protection Factor**

"If he's not your boyfriend, he needs to lighten up a bit, yeah?" Dake knelt beside me, bringing his face within inches of mine. "It looks like you've got a little sunburn on your nose. Either that or you're blushing."

It was a little bit of both. "I-It's a curse," I sputtered, blushing redder. "Red hair, pale skin."

He chuckled. "Aw, poor little bluey. Did you bring sunscreen with you? I'll do your back."

I dug through the contents of my bag with trembling hands and fished out my sunscreen.

He laughed when he saw it was SPF 80. "I usually don't have to use _any_," he bragged. True, his bronze skin must have spent every minute since birth acclimating to the coastal Australian sun.

He squeezed out a generous amount into his hands and spread the cool cream over my back and shoulders. His hands were strong and surprisingly soft. I closed my eyes and let myself sway slightly as he rubbed neat circles into my skin. I think he kept doing so long after the sunscreen was adequately applied, but neither of us complained. I liked the way his hands felt.

He broke the weighty silence. "I'm starting to get hungry. Are you? Come on, let's go see the vendor. I'm buying."

While Dake bought us something to eat, I used the opportunity to send Auntie a quick text so that she knew I was okay. "Just wanted to let you know that I'm having a great time. Should be home before it gets late." She was always pretty lenient when it came to curfew, but I purposefully I didn't commit to going home at any specific time. Right now, saying goodbye to Dake was unthinkable.

She texted right back. Within the abbreviated jumble of letters, I was able to interpret: "Okay, Sweetie. Have a fun and make good choices!" She always ended her texts with far more exclamation points than necessary.

I tucked my cell phone into the pocket of my tote bag just as Dake came around the corner. He handed me a warm doughnut in a crinkly wax paper sleeve.

I would have been content to keep Dake all to myself, as my secret...but walking along the beach with him the way I had dreamt of doing with Nathaniel just a few short hours ago, and then showing him off in front of Amber and Nathaniel...this way seemed much, much sweeter. I was glad to have exposed him to witnesses just in case I came to question his reality later.

I bit into the soft doughnut and let it dissolve on my tongue, savoring it as long as possible.

As Dake swallowed his last bite, he woke me from my stupor when he suggested, "Now, why don't we go do something a bit more..._fun_?"

"More fun than this? This is already way more fun than I'm used to. Are you sure I can handle it?"

Rather than speak his reply aloud, he brushed the residual cinnamon sugar off my cheek, then licked the sweetness from his fingertips.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8: Introduction to Surfing**

Most of Dake's Introduction to Surfing lesson went right over my head. Many of the terms he used sounded vaguely familiar from T.V. and movies, but those that he claimed were unique to Australia just sounded made up. Either way, I wouldn't have known the difference.

He stood waist-deep in the shallows, holding the surfboard in place. I straddled it, waiting to paddle into an imaginary wave.

"Okay, see if you can stand on it now."

"Are you kidding? There's no way I'll be able to stand up on this thing."

"Don't worry, it's only water. It'll catch you if you fall."

"You mean _when _I fall." I knew I wouldn't be able to stand up on the surfboard, but if Dake told me to, I would have tried to stand on the surface of the water itself.

I brought my legs out of the water and rocked forward onto my knees. When I tried to lean back onto my toes, I tipped sideways into the water. I resurfaced, and Dake's laughter filled my ears as the water drained out. He held out his arms to help me stand.

Before I could blink the salt water out of my eyes, my first kiss happened—all at once, over and over, then never again.

His hands gently holding my face in place, he moved in and met my wet lips with his. His salt-and-cinnamon taste filled my mouth and nose. My hands gingerly touched the hardened muscles of his back. He eased my jaw open to deepen the kiss. We were as close together as we could possibly get, but I still felt the inexplicable urge to hug him closer. I wanted to hug every square inch of him tighter into me.

When our lips finally parted, he drew a deep breath and whispered in my ear: "I found the perfect place we can go to watch the sunset."

What he meant, of course, was: _I found the perfect place we can go to be alone._

I accepted the invitation, trying too hard not to sound ecstatic.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9: Up and Over**

I didn't care about the sunset. I had the rest of my life to see stupid sunsets. But Dake would only be here for tonight. I wanted to be with him in as much as possible before I had to go back to real life.

Dake tucked his surfboard away behind the bike rack by the concessions stand, freeing up his hands to hold mine. As we walked further along the beach, the sand beneath our feet started to feel more and more jagged as the rocks grew larger. A muddy cliff jutted out from the shore in front of us and met the sea with massive boulders at its base. He helped me scale a sizable boulder, our sandy bare feet sliding dangerously on the smooth surface. Just over the boulder was a cool, shaded rock quarry which sloped down into the ocean. Here, the water was much more turbulent than it had been along the tame beach. The waves churned harder, knocking into the rocks with distinct splashing snaps. Above, a rusty billboard displayed an advertisement that was too old be be read anymore, faded to gray and white from years in the sun and salty air.

I followed Dake up the rocky slope, stumbling a few times on the rocks, barely able to contain my giggles. He arrived at the bottom of the billboard post first. Without hesitation, he hoisted himself up to the bottommost rung of the corroded maintenance ladder. I watched in awe until Dake made it all the way up to the metal walkway just beneath the billboard. I noticed there were no safety rails, nothing to prevent either of us from falling thirty feet to our deaths...

_Nothing except each other._

My head and heart flooded with adrenaline. I scaled the ladder surprisingly easily and was met at the top by Dake's outstretched hand.

_I've touched Dake's hands more in one afternoon than I have Nathaniel's in the entire year,_ I thought—followed immediately by: _Why does my brain do this to me? Seriously, what the hell, brain?_

The maintenance ladder let us out onto the side of the billboard facing the beach where we first met. I saw the lights at the concessions stand going out as it closed down for the night. A few seconds later, the streetlamps all flickered on at the same time, illuminating the quiet city block above the beach. It was surreal.

Dake crept around to the other side of the billboard. I followed, making sure not to look down over the inches-wide metal ledge. This side was bare, facing only the rocks, the ocean, and the pink-and-yellow sky. It really was the perfect spot to watch the sunset.

Dake sat down, motioning wordlessly for me to do the same. We sat, letting our four bare feet dangle carelessly over the edge.

We both exhaled.

This was when the fear bled through from the back of my mind. Not when a foreign stranger snuck up behind me on the beach when I was crying. Not when I almost rolled an ankle on a rock in the quarry below. Not when I climbed up a creaky, neglected ladder. Now, when the air was calm and growing cooler, when the silence between us spoke louder than words, this was when I started to feel afraid.

_This is how every episode of every crime drama ever starts, _I thought. _First, the stupid young couple does something reckless but romantic, and the boy says to the girl, 'What's the worst that could happen?' And then they get mauled by a werewolf...tortured by a serial killer...abducted by aliens...or, in our case, fall and break both legs and slowly starve to death over several days when no one hears our desperate cries for help._

_...Seriously, brain, what the hell?_

I started to shiver. Dake scooted closer and wrapped both arms around me for warmth. "Don't be afraid, Candy. What's the worst that could happen?"

He probably thought I'd gone insane when I let out a loud burst of laughter which quickly disintegrated into a pathetic sob. I jammed a knuckle into my mouth to stifle the noise. "I... I need you for longer than just one night," I managed to say when I found the words.

"Something tells me you haven't seen the last of me." Dake reached for my hair, pushing his fingers through it at the nape of my neck and gently pulling down, untangling the still-wet filaments. "People must tell you all the time that you have beautiful hair."

I sniffled, and without thinking, blurted out, "I bet you see lots of beautiful heads of hair back home."

He was unaffected by my insecurity. "None as beautiful as yours."

He pulled my face into his, and our lips met for the second time.

After that, I lost count. I lost track of time. I lost myself in the salt-and-sugar dreamscape of Dake's kisses, where I was free for the first time to do whatever my pounding heart wanted.

I didn't care how many other girls he had found on the beach like he found me. I didn't even care if there was someone waiting for him back home. I only knew that for tonight, he was mine. Nothing else mattered.

As the kiss broke, he and I could no longer contain our breathless laughter. We drank each other in with our eyes, each passing second rendering us more and more under the influence of incurable infatuation.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10: All Too Soon**

"You've never kissed a boy before, have you, Candy?" Dake asked.

"N-no..." I admitted bashfully. "Was it that obvious? Am I that bad at it?"

"No, no, it's nothing like that. You just..." He hesitated. "You're different."

"Is different is good?"

"Different is very good, love."

We sat in silence for a while, me tracing the shark tattoo on his chest my fingertips, him regarding me carefully, blinking his golden lashes.

I was unable to suppress the emotion crawling up the back of my throat. I had to tell him what was on my mind. "Dake, when you leave, I..." I swallowed, unable to finish the thought.

Dake kissed me softly, knowing there was no magic spell he could say to give us more time together.

The sun receded behind the horizon, taking with it all of the anguish, joy, and relief I had lived through in the daylight. The slowly climbing moon brought with it only a bittersweet goodbye.

"We have to go now," said Dake, "or it'll get too dark to see."

I nodded in silent agreement.

We stalled as long as we possibly could as we plodded back along the darkening beach. Even so, we arrived at the dreaded bike rack all too soon.

He took up his surfboard, and I unlocked my bicycle. I slipped my jeans and t-shirt over my bikini. Regular clothes felt oddly restrictive. I left my feet bare as an homage to the boy who stole my first kiss.

There was sadness in Dake's his eyes, but also resolve. We both knew that the inevitable was finally here.

He let his surfboard drop onto the ground beside him and pulled me in with both arms.

"Just know that you'll always be my Candy, love," he whispered. He planted one last sweet kiss on my forehead.

"...Thank you for tonight, Dake. I'll... I'll always miss you."

With that, I pedaled my bicycle up to the street. All around me, the crickets echoed his name as I rode home under the security of the lamplight.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11: The Last Day of Summer**

On the last day of summer vacation, I thought I'd make a pilgrimage to the beach before the new school year started. I hadn't been back since I told Dake goodbye that night; it was time I made a victory lap. I donned my ceremonial purple bathing suit under jeans and a t-shirt and rode to the beach, dreaming the whole way.

Whitish-gray clouds blocked out much of the sun, the threat of rain scaring away most other beachgoers. I didn't encounter anyone after I left my bike and bag at the concessions stand. It made me feel like the beach was reserved for only me that day.

I chose a spot on the beach and sat down to be alone with my thoughts.

_Where are you now, Dake? Do you think of me as often as I think of you? And as fondly? Will I meet you on the beach again someday?_

"Woof!"

I awoke from my seaside musings to find myself face-to-face with a handsome dog. I couldn't put a name to his breed; he was built like a German Shepherd but colored like a Doberman. He seemed to find my presence on the beach as unexpected as I found his. I held out a hand for him to sniff, slowly tightening it into a fist, so that I wouldn't lose a finger in case he wanted to bite. Once he familiarized himself with my scent and deemed that I was not a threat, he seemed to approve of my presence on his beach, or at least tolerate it.

"Where did you come from?"

He didn't wear a collar, but he obviously belonged to someone. The two of us peered up and down the length of the beach, but didn't see anyone. The dog must have been so excited that he bounded too far ahead of his owner and got lost. I figured the best thing to do would be to keep him here with me. The owner was sure to see us eventually if we stayed out in the open.

"What do you think, boy? How does a game of fetch sound?"

I took up a sturdy piece of driftwood and held it aloft. The dog's deep brown eyes transfixed on the stick in my hand. I threw it down the beach, and he gleefully hurdled after it. When he brought it back, I wrestled it away from him and tossed it into the shallow sea for him to retrieve again.

My new friend the dog and I were so consumed in our game that neither of us noticed when the owner finally found us.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12: Show and Tell**

"Demon! Come here, boy!"

At the sound of his name, Demon's ears perked up. The voice was familiar to me, too.

The voice and the dog belonged to Castiel. He seemed taken aback at my appearance. Clearly, he hadn't recognized me from afar. Although I was dressed in practically nothing, Castiel's gaze didn't leave my face. It occurred to me that he had probably never seen me without glasses.

Likewise, I had never seen his bare chest - except for very briefly during his fight in the hallway with Nathaniel back at school, which seemed like forever ago now. Since he had far fewer freckles than I, his skin shone a flawless, unbroken white. His vibrantly dyed red hair gave way to black roots that I had never noticed before.

I offered Castiel a mellow smile, though I knew he wasn't my biggest fan. I wouldn't say that he hated me, but he definitely didn't see me as a friend. Without speaking, I held out the plank of wood for him to take.

I caught a glimpse of a tiny smirk on his face which lasted a nanosecond before he corrected himself and reset to his default glare. He took the stick from me, wound his arm back, and hurled it farther into the ocean than I could ever manage, sending Demon into a frenzy. I applauded.

The three of us played on the beach like this for what seemed like hours. I expected him to tell me to leave him alone as he so often did during the past semester, but here, he didn't. In fact, he didn't seem to mind me at all.

Castiel was first to break the comfortable silence. "I heard a rumor about you."

"Tisk-tisk! I didn't take you for the gossiping type, Castiel!" I tried my best to feign disinterest, but I was secretly dying of curiosity. It struck me as odd that he would care enough to remember some stupid rumor.

"They say you made a new friend on the beach earlier this summer."

"That much is true," I confirmed, "but something tells me that's not all you heard."

"I thought you were gaga for Mr. Perfect." Of course, me meant Nathaniel.

It must have been obvious - the way I used to follow Nathaniel around, the way I dressed, the way I acted. I shuddered, mortified. "I was..." I admitted. "But then I got in touch with reality."

"I heard Reality was Australian."

If Castiel had made a wisecrack like that at my expense a year ago, I would have taken offense. I might have yelled at him, or worse, started a counter-rumor that would eventually come back around to him. Not anymore.

"He was. Well, he is. His name is Dakota. You would like him if you met him. He showed me how to surf - or at least he tried to. Turns out I'm pretty useless at surfing, even with no waves."

"Surfing, huh?" Castiel coughed. "Is that _all _he showed you?"

_Where was he going with this?_

He was vying for shock value, so I did the very same. "No, that wasn't all," I said plainly.

I surveyed the beautiful sea against the brightening sky, allowing him to wonder as he chucked the driftwood out into the water for Demon to fetch again.

Finally I tilted my head, casting him a sideways glance. "He showed me it's okay to love myself. I can honestly say I didn't know how to do that before I became his friend."

_That's probably not what Amber would have you believe, but Dake is my friend._

Amber probably had her drones spreading around all kinds of filth about me. I tried to tell myself I wouldn't care who badmouthed me behind my back this year, but here I was, explaining myself to Castiel, of all people. I didn't owe him an explanation.

_Why did he ask me about this, anyway?_

Castiel tried to pry the plank of wood free from Demon's jaws. The animal held it in an unyielding vicegrip, growling playfully like the overgrown puppy he was.

"Demon," he said after a long pause, "doesn't just go up to people and want to play. He'll dominate you, if you let him. That's why he doesn't do well with strangers."

Castiel surrendered the tug-of-war. Demon, victorious, wagged his tail and gnawed the wood, breaking away a few thin splinters. Castiel stood up straight, drawing a hand through his hair to rid it from his eyes. He regarded me with a stoic stare that I interpreted to mean he was curious and moderately amused. His eyes locked onto mine.

"I might go see a movie later. Do you want to come with me, Candace?"

"Sure." I smiled candidly, uninhibited by shyness. "And Castiel? …You can call me Candy, if you want."

"Okay... Candy."


	13. Chapter 13

**Part II**

**Candace's seaside summer romp with Dake has unforeseen consequences back at Sweet Amoris High School. Almost overnight, Candace finds she has become a social pariah (thanks to Amber's vengeful rumor-spreading) and develops an unlikely friendship with Castiel. She reaches out to Nathaniel in an attempt to make amends, only to find that he has a dangerous secret. And how does Dake factor in? Will he reenter the arena in part two?**

**Chapter 13: Sweet and Sour**

August and September had not been kind to me.

One Friday evening in September in particular, I snapped, barricading myself in my room, completely unprepared to deal with the problem I had been saddled with earlier that afternoon.

Auntie gripped a cardboard tissue box in one hand and lovingly stroked my long hair with the other. I had been crying since I came home from school hours ago. I hadn't cried this much since Dad was first deployed to Libya three years ago. Now, even as twilight faded into a crisp autumn night, I still couldn't be consoled.

Auntie needed for me to tell her what was wrong, just as much as I needed desperately to tell someone I could trust. I absolutely could not tell her the whole story, though, or I ran the risk of needlessly ratting Nathaniel out.

"N-Nathaniel..." I finally sputtered. "My friend, the Student Council President... He... He did something I never thought he'd ever do, and it... It hurts me so much, but..." That was about all I could manage before another wave of misery took away my ability to speak.

Auntie shushed me and cradled my head in her arms. "You can't let some stupid boy have this much power over you. Whatever he did to upset you, if he keeps doing it, he's not worthy of your friendship. You need to tell him how you feel about it, and the rest is up to him." She held out the tissue box for me to take. "You sit tight. I'll go get you some sherbet."

Some lime sherbet did sound really good, but it wouldn't take away the pain. When Monday morning came, I would have to go back and face Nathaniel, knowing something about him I could never un-know.

_I wish you were here, Dake..._

My cell phone buzzed on my nightstand, indicating that someone had sent me a text message.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14: Support**

I already knew it had to be either Castiel or Lysander before I even looked at the phone.

This time, it was Castiel. "Lys and I have been waiting for twenty minutes. What's up?"

_Crap!_

I had completely forgotten about my promise to meet them at the movies. I had actually been looking forward to it, before my run-in with Nathaniel...

I frantically texted back. "I'm sorry guys, but I can't make it. Have fun without me, okay?"

Castiel knew something had to be awry for me to decline an invitation to the movies - which was easily my third favorite activity in the whole world, just below breathing and eating. I cleared my throat and answered his incoming call, trying my best at a nonchalant "hey."

"We're coming over there," he asserted, without even bothering to return my hello.

"It's nothing, Cas, really. I'm sorry for making you guys wait."

It was no use. He knew I was lying. "We're coming over." I heard Lysander comment nearby, but he was too far away for Castiel's phone to pick it up. "Lys says he hopes you guys have an aluminum bat we can borrow. You know, for his face."

I couldn't help but laugh feebly. Castiel had advised against me going to talk with Nathaniel that afternoon, but I had insisted. The way I had treated Nathaniel on the beach that one summer day weighed heavily on my conscience, and I wanted to at least offer him an apology so that I wouldn't have to hide from him anymore.

_You should have listened to Castiel and left it alone_, I reminded myself with a tinge of regret.

Just then, Auntie opened my bedroom door and walked in with a bowl of sherbet. She was relieved to see I had finally stopped crying and allowed herself to smile. She gave my cheek an affectionate pinch and turned to leave me alone.

I held the phone to my chest and asked her over my shoulder, "Auntie, is it alright if Lysander and Castiel come over?"

She raised an eyebrow. I knew what she was thinking. _Two boys? This late?_

"They're being very insistent," I added. _They're pretty much coming over whether it's okay with you or not._

"Oh, okay." She was reluctant, but she knew that Lysander and Castiel were my only friends, and I was in need of their support.

Amber and her underlings had done such a good job ruining my reputation over the summer that by the time school started in August, no one wanted to associate themselves with me - not even shy Violette or kind Iris. Their betrayal stung, but not as much as the guilt I carried with me because of how I had disgraced Nathaniel - which was why Amber was telling tales in the first place. Iris and Violette knew that Amber was a liar, but nonetheless, the rumors served their intended purpose.

My swift exile from every social circle in Sweet Amoris High School only solidified the friendship I had formed with Castiel. Lysander, his even less approachable best friend, wasn't exactly eager to include me at first, but he was starting to warm up to me. It helped that we were in the same German class; although I didn't share his eye for highly stylized Victorian fashion or his ear for indie music, we both had a knack for foreign language.

Within minutes, just as I was finishing my last bite of cool, citrusy sherbet, I heard the murmur of masculine voices just outside the apartment and the ring of the doorbell.

_Wow, Castiel - that was fast._

It occurred to me that I still looked a mess - and I couldn't pull off the 'hot mess' look. I was a legitimately gross-looking mess, streams of dried tears turning cold on my cheeks and sticking my eyelashes together. I rushed into the bathroom to wash my face and brush the unsightly tangles out of my hair.

Meanwhile, Auntie received Castiel and Lysander at the door. I heard Castiel introduce Lysander since he had never met my aunt before. I already knew that she thought Castiel was strange - Castiel, with his bright red hair, his piercing stare, and his conspicuous all-black wardrobe. I could only imagine what her first impression of Lysander would be - Lysander, whose eyes were naturally two different colors and who dressed like he'd walked through a time warp from 1887.

I emerged from the bathroom feeling refreshed, but it was obvious that I had been crying. My puffy red eyes gave me away.

"Hey! There she is," said Castiel to no one in particular. He greeted me with an earnest hug, enveloping me in his distinctive cigarette-smoke-and-body-spray smell.

Lysander, surprisingly, held out his arms for a hug, too - perhaps acting on an innate need to comfort a damsel in distress.

I was lucky to have friends as devoted as these two, who would drop what they were doing if they even suspected I was troubled.

As the three of us made our way down the hallway towards my room, Auntie shot me a serious look that I knew meant _keep the door open_. I rolled my eyes, but obeyed without further protest.

Castiel had been in my bedroom at least a dozen times before, but Lysander had never seen it. The former sauntered in and jumped face-first onto my bed, as comfortable in my room as he was his own, while the latter examined his surroundings carefully with heterochromatic eyes. I wondered what he thought of the Pepto-Bismol pink walls, the dozens of stuffed animals perched atop the curtain rods, and the butterfly decals covering the closet door. I was starting to feel ashamed of my childish room until he found my overfull bookshelf. My collection had a little bit of everything, from _The Neverending Story_ and _The Princess Bride_ to _Catch-22_ and _A Clockwork Orange_, all alphabetized. Every title Lysander read made his smile wider. He took out my well-worn copy of Joseph Heller's _Catch-22 _and opened it to a random page, which was highlighted an annotated.

"Nice," he whispered, nodding approvingly.

Castiel nodded back, as if to say, _I know, right? _My heart swelled with pride.

Castiel propped himself up on his arm, his sneakered feet hanging over the edge of my bed. "Tell us what happened, Candy."

Lysander looked up from his speed-reading, remembering the reason for their visit.

I took a deep breath. "Well, I wanted to talk to Nathaniel on his own, so I waited until after school and went to find him in the library..."


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15: 618.858**

I walked into the library, appreciative of the comforting smell of aging books and newly sharpened pencils. I had prepared three simple sentences to relay to Nathaniel, and I'd spent the entire day committing them to memory. I carried the list with me, folded into a neat square and tucked into the palm of my hand, just in case I forgot something.

_Sane people probably don't 'study' for an apology_, I thought, self-consciously adjusting my glasses frames.

It was well past 4PM. The librarian was coming around from behind the circulation desk, shouldering her purse. "Well, if it isn't Miss Candace!" she exclaimed. "I haven't seen _you _around in a while!"

I smiled back, but not as enthusiastically. I was on a mission and had little time for pleasantries. "Is he here?"

She knew exactly who 'he' was. "Buried somewhere in the 600's, last I saw him." She gave me a cheeky wink, but then moved closer to whisper: "When you find him, tell him to take it easy. He looks like he could use a break." At my old school, everyone had to be out of the library by a certain time, but here, I assume because it was so small and in general more laid-back, the librarian let die-hard scholars like Nathaniel stay as long as he wanted.

I nodded in understanding and she left.

I found Nathaniel in a veritable nest of books, photocopies, and notebook paper which spread over two tables. I was sure he would have heard my approach, especially since I had stopped to talk with the librarian, but he didn't seem to notice me until I was only a few feet away.

"Candace? What are you doing here?"

It was kind of funny... He had asked almost the same thing when I met him on the beach, but this time he didn't seem pleasantly surprised. In fact, he seemed...dismayed.

"Nathaniel, I... I'm sorry, I know that you probably don't want to talk to me right now, but I need to tell you a few things, and then I'll go. It won't take long," I assured him, squeezing my list tighter in my sweaty palm.

Since I had been avoiding him all semester, I hadn't noticed the gradual changes in Nathaniel's appearance. His shirt was wrinkled and carelessly untucked. He had loosened the knot of his signature tie in an attempt to alleviate his discomfort. A fistful of his usually immaculate blond hair stuck out at an odd angle. The most troubling change was in his copper-colored eyes. They hid farther back in his head than before, somehow dull and frenzied at the same time.

Seeing him like this made me feel like I was intruding.

"Candace, you can't just..." Nathaniel hung his head and sighed. He pinched the bridge of his nose to relieve what must have been unbearable pressure on his frazzled brain. "I don't think there's anything you can say that will put things back the way they were before."

I unrelentingly delved into the first point on my list. "What I did to you...was childish." Then the second. "I don't expect or deserve your forgiveness..." I swallowed, trying to recall the last one. "I don't deserve you, but -"

"No." He wasn't agreeing with me-he was overturning my confession. "It's...it's my fault."

I sank into the chair next to his.

_I didn't account for this when I wrote out my list..._

"I should have told you how I felt _ages _ago." He slammed a book shut and winced at the sound; apparently, his headache had evolved into a full-fledged migraine. "I wanted to tell you... I wanted to be _with _you, Candace."

I wondered, for a moment, what life would have been like if he had told me this before school ended last year. If I had spent that summer day playing at the beach with Nathaniel, my boyfriend, completely oblivious to an Australian surfer as he passed by unnoticed.

_Is that what he wanted?_

"You're so sweet and innocent," he continued, shifting towards me. "And real. No one else I've ever met is as real as you are, Candace." He reached up, trembling slightly, to gently trace the angle of my cheek as it met my jaw, coaxing me closer to him...

I would have died of happiness if he had done this a year ago... said such sweet things... looked at me the way he was looking at me now - plaintively, woefully, longingly. Despite that, I couldn't recall the feelings I'd had for him before. I'd already given my heart to someone else, albeit accidentally.

Whether I liked it or not, my heart belonged to Dake.

"Nathaniel, please don't," I begged, leaning away. "I really am sorry, but you said yourself it can never be like it was before."

Nathaniel withdrew his hand, clenching it into a fist. "Would we be having this conversation if _Dakota _hadn't shown up out of the blue?" He spat out Dake's full name like it was a mouthful of sour milk.

"This has nothing to do with him!" I lied.

I averted my eyes so as not to be scorched by his smoldering stare. That's when I noticed it, half-hidden under an open library book.

Impulsively, I grabbed it - a mostly empty plastic prescription pill canister...with Amber's name on it. As I read the label, I recognized the drug as a generic form of...

"Ritalin," I finally said aloud. "_Amber's_ Ritalin?"


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16: Bait and Switch**

Nathaniel grabbed my wrists and tried to pry the container out of my hands, but I wrapped my fingers around it and held it away.

I frowned daggers at him, demanding an explanation.

Nathaniel heaved an exasperated sigh. "Amber doesn't like the way they make her feel," he rationalized. "They won't _listen _to her - Mom and Dad. They just keep upping her dosage, so...I take them to help me study. It's to help the both of us. No one is getting hurt."

"This is _insane_, Nathaniel!" This is the kind of thing that happened to people on T.V. and in movies - not in real life. Certainly not my life. And certainly not to _Nathaniel_. "You can't keep taking drugs that are meant for your sister. If you get caught -"

Nathaniel snapped. "If my GPA falls below 3.8, I lose my scholarship! Everything in my _life _depends on it!" His voice cracked, echoing harshly off the walls and shelves of the otherwise silent stacks.

I cast doubt upon the truth of his claim. Maybe he really was just using the drugs to study...or maybe he couldn't face himself without the euphoria they gave him. I never thought Nathaniel would lie to me, but then again, I never expected to apprehend him squirreling away his sister's behavioral medication, either. He fooled everyone, not just me.

_What else is he hiding, if he's capable of this...?_

I calmly set the pill cartridge on the table, stood, and walked out of the library without another word. I kept my pace slow and steady until I turned the corner.

Then I rocketed down two flights of stairs, out the double doors, and straight to the bike rack as fast as I could sprint. It wouldn't take him long to notice I had switched the contents of the pill container with my folded list.

_To tell Nathaniel:_

_What I did to you was childish._

_I don't expect or deserve your forgiveness._

_I don't deserve you, but I hope you can think of me as a friend someday._

I flung the half-dozen capsules into a bush as I sped away, fighting back tears, refusing to let my broken heart take over until I was home.

_I'm so sorry Nathaniel...about everything._


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17: Innocent**

At the end of my story, Castiel remained unconcerned about Nathaniel's predicament. "So what if Nati takes his sister's A.D.D. pills? Makes no difference to me. Whatever floats his boat."

I was offended by his apathy. "It doesn't 'float his boat,' Castiel. It could very well _sink _his boat if I do nothing to stop it. I think he's battling a legit Ritalin _addiction_. He's not himself anymore."

He refused to see things my way. "Candy... _Forget _him. I know it's hard for you, because you're...well, you're so _innocent_..."

The word 'innocent' was a serrated blade plunging into my left lung. Castiel couldn't have known that Nathaniel had used that exact word to describe me only hours before...when he made a move on me.

"Nathaniel's no angel," Castiel continued. "Just stick with us. We'll take care of you. Won't we, Lysander?"

Lysander had moved several feet closer to me, listening intently. "He's right, Candace," he agreed. His green eye was sympathetic; his gold eye was steadfast. "It's sweet of you to worry about him, but this is something he has to work out for himself."

'_Sweet?' Not you, too, Lysander!_

So they thought I was just a naïve little schoolgirl without an intelligent thought in her precious little head? This was absurd! How could they just sit around while Nathaniel was slowly overextending himself little by little with each passing day?

_If Nathaniell continues down this path, he'll die. And no one knows or cares but me._

"We should let you rest," groaned Castiel as he stretched. "You've had quite a day."

My alarm clock confirmed that it was almost midnight; he and I both knew Auntie would kick them out if it got to be much later. I followed them outside to see them off, just in case Castiel's crappy 1994 Chevy Lumina didn't start.

I remembered one last thing and took off down the driveway to catch them before they drove away. "Castiel! Lysander!" I shouted over the labored rumble of the engine as it turned over.

Castiel would rolled down the driver's side window. "Yeah?"

"You can't tell anyone about this. Neither of you." I flashed a tentative glance to Lysander on the passenger side.

Castiel smirked and rolled his eyes. He opened the door and pulled me sideways onto his lap so that he could hold me in an all-encompassing embrace, burying his face in my hair and breathing in deeply. "...Of course not," he promised. "I wouldn't do that to you."

I missed this feeling of blissful closeness. The two people I loved most were impossibly far away... First my Dad, and now Dake. It was extremely unlikely that I would see either of them again. Dad had been MIA for over a year now, and Dake was... Well, Dake might as well have been MIA. At least with Castiel, I could stave off the helplessness and the loneliness long enough to allow myself to be somewhat...happy.

We were so close together, my lips grazed his earlobe as I whispered, "Thank you, Castiel."

He recoiled suddenly, letting out a strange gasp, which I deciphered as his way of telling me I needed to get off of his lap. I calmly found my footing on the concrete and stood up straight. Castiel seemed embarrassed as he slammed the car door closed. I could see his face turning redder and redder through the still open window as he backed out into the street.

Lysander burst out laughing loud enough to be heard over both the car's engine and the radio.

_I wonder what was so funny..._


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18: Dollhouse**

Back to the drawing board.

I couldn't ask Castiel or Lysander for help dealing with Nathaniel, because they didn't want me to get involved. I couldn't ask Auntie for help because I didn't want to get Nathaniel in trouble. Besides Nathaniel himself, that left only one other person I knew would care enough to want to help - and, in fact, could help.

What I was about to do turned my stomach, but I had no choice.

I rang the doorbell of the Weiss family home.

An elegant woman answered the door. She wore her white-blonde hair swept into a graceful updo. Her smile glowed brightly when her eyes found me, even though she had never seen me before. I recognized her eyes as Nathaniel's - or, more accurately, I could now attribute Nathaniel's eyes to his beautiful mother.

"Hello, Mrs. Weiss," I bubbled. "I'm sorry, I hope I'm not interrupting anything." It was late afternoon on Saturday, a time during which suburbanites in Sweet Amoris busied themselves with projects or chores. "I came by to return the History notes I borrowed from Amber so that she can use them to study."

If what experience had taught me about Amber was correct - that she was two-faced and deceitful, even (and perhaps especially) around her parents - her mother thought she was a perfect angel.

My assumptions were correct, and she bought every word. "Of course! Come on in, dear."

I stepped into the gorgeous foyer. The Weiss home was pristine: spotlessly cleaned and tastefully decorated.

"Amber just got back from a day trip to the big outlet mall in the city," Mrs. Weiss explained. "Amber!" she called melodically up a grand, curving staircase. "Your friend from school is here to see you!"

"Coming!" Amber called back, imitating her mother's sing-song voice. An Amber I didn't recognize came into view on the landing. She had forgone her usual skinny jeans and heels and gone with a much more comfortable-looking pink velour jogging suit, her hair pulled up into a flouncy ponytail. She made it halfway down, then froze when she saw that I was the one her mother had announced. She hesitated, chancing a glance at her still beaming mother. I had her cornered. She had to play along - for now. "Hey, girl, hey! Mom, this is Candace. She's in Nathaniel's grade. She moved here last year."

"Oh, it's so nice of you to help your brother by reaching out to the new kids at school," Mrs. Weiss cooed.

Amber's cheeks were forcing a smile, but her eyes were ablaze with fury. "Wanna come up and see my haul? Char and me just got back from the Outlets!"

"For sure!" I chirped.

I was in! My plan to infiltrate Amber's home base was going swimmingly so far.

Two of the walls of Amber's room were painted lavender, the other two a feminine sage green. A ceiling-mounted canopy draped over a wrought iron daybed like a gossamer forcefield. Spread over the top of the floral comforter was probably hundreds of dollars of brand new designer clothes, tags still intact. Against the adjacent wall was a white wicker vanity desk with a collage of photographs encircling the mirror, the surface of the desk cluttered with every cosmetic product imaginable. Judging from their sheer numbers, I assumed Amber used to collect dolls; they stared at me unblinkingly from all corners of the room.

This was not the room of the Machiavellian dictator who ruled Sweet Amoris High School with an iron (but perfectly manicured) fist. This was the room of a girl who once loved dolls.

As soon as the door closed behind me, Amber dropped the act. "Just _what_ do you think you're doing in my house? What is it with you and sticking your nose where it doesn't _belong_?"

As satisfying as it was to see Amber so vulnerable, I had to stay on target - for Nathaniel's sake. "This isn't about me. Please, I need you to listen to what I'm about to tell you."

"What could you possibly have to tell me?" She checked herself in the vanity mirror. "I already know everything worth knowing," she boasted to her own reflection.

"So you know about Nathaniel's bad habit of abusing your Ritalin."

At first, Amber parted her lips to utter a saucy comeback, but when none came to mind, she deflated, plopping down on her bed. "You found out about that, huh?"

I had expected her to react more aggressively. Since she seemed willing for once in her life to actually listen, I softened my tone, speaking to Amber like I would a decent human being. "Amber, the lady I met downstairs loves you, and she loves your brother. I have a feeling that if she knew about this arrangement of yours, it would break her heart - not because you went against her wishes, but because you didn't respect her enough to tell her the truth about about what you've been feeling. If you don't think that Ritalin will help you, that's your prerogative, but you can't keep giving it to Nathaniel to take for you. It's making him sick. I know you love him more than that."

Rather than look me in the eye, Amber stared intently at a spot on the wall behind my head, like her brother did whenever he felt uncomfortable. She reached out for the doll that stood guard on her bedside table, affectionately wrapping a coil of its golden hair around her finger. She smiled down at it, but spoke to me: "I really, _really_ hate you."

_Well, so much for assuming Amber would stop being horrible long enough to help her own flesh and blood..._

Amber fluttered her eyelashes indignantly, fussing with the lacy ribbons on the doll's dress. "You came to Sweet Amoris last year pretending to be all _innocent_ with your red hair and your glasses... You _latched_ onto the first boy who was nice to you, because you wanted to _claim_ him for yourself - and when you decided you were done, you _dropped_ him just like that and chased after _another_." The pitch of her voice shot up suddenly as her anger became insuppressible. "And when you were done with _him_, you picked _another_ - and it's only a matter of time until you find _another_ one. Pretty soon, there won't be any boys left for the _rest_ of us!" She met my stony glare. "The thing I don't get is why all these stupid boys think you're so great. _Anything_ you can do, I can do better."

"Exactly," I pleaded, refusing to let her get under my skin. "You know Nathaniel better than I ever could. That's why you're the only one who can help him." If I wanted to end this on my own terms, now was the time. "Please, Amber... Just talk to him about this...before it's too late."

With that, I turned to leave without giving her the chance to strike back.

Mrs. Weiss seemed perplexed to see me coming back downstairs without Amber. "Leaving so soon, Candace?"

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Weiss, but I really have to get going. My aunt expected me home a while ago."

"Do you need a ride home? It would be no trouble! I could have Nathaniel take you, since he just got back -"

_Oh please no._ "N-no thank you -"

"Don't be silly! He doesn't mind."

"Oh, look at the time! Thank you again, and it was nice meeting you!" I was already out the door and halfway down the front walk. "You have a lovely home!" I yelled over my shoulder.

I retrieved my bike from where I had left it propped against their monogrammed mailbox and began the ten-minute bike ride home.

Finally alone with my thoughts, I found myself revisiting something Amber had divulged:

_"And when you were done with him, you picked another - and it's only a matter of time until you find another one. Pretty soon, there won't be any boys left for the rest of us!"_

In that moment, without meaning to, she had given herself away.

The realization spread through my mind like a long-awaited beam of sunshine after a cold winter.

She desperately wanted something I had.

She wanted Castiel.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19: Loving Arms**

I had definitely come out on top of my exchange with Amber. Not only did I effectively get my point across, but I managed to steal the secret of her most agonizing desire: Castiel.

I was still apprehensive about Nathaniel when I walked into school on Monday morning. There was no guarantee that Amber would confront her brother - or that he would heed her advice. Worst of all, any hope of regaining him as a friend was gone now, since I lied to his mother and terrorized his sister.

I couldn't tell Castiel about it until lunch, but I looked forward to seeing Lysander in second period German.

I found him in his usual seat in the front row, hunched over a sketchbook. I always wondered what he was drawing, but I didn't want to pry. I greeted him warmly, claiming the seat next to his.

"Hey, Candace. How was the rest of your weekend? Are you feeling...better?"

"Much better," I confirmed. I tore a sheet of paper from my notebook and drafted a brief paragraph explaining what happened on Saturday. Frau Becker began class with a warm-up verb conjugation activity. When her back was turned, I slid my note onto Lysander's desk.

He subtly hid it under a page in his own spiral, turning to it every so often as though it were part of his notes. He bided his time until he could pass it back to me unnoticed.

"You just barged into Amber's room and laid into her?" Lysander penned in his slanted, curlicue cursive. "You're an idiot. And also my hero." He skipped a few lines and then concluded: "Your heart was in the right place, but don't do anything that reckless again. I don't want to see you get hurt."

It was impossible to conceal my smile. Luckily, class would soon be over. Everyone was packing their things away, zipping their bags and backpacks open and closed.

"Katja, Lenz!" Frau Becker addressed us by our German nicknames. "Stay after class for a moment, please. I need to speak with you."

_Scheiße_. Our note-passing must not have been as stealthy as we thought. As Lysander and I compulsively glanced at each other, I hoped he wouldn't see the guilt on my face.

The bell signaled the end of the period and the rest of the class filed out. Frau Becker flipped through a crate of color-coded hanging files, counting to herself in German. When she finally found what she was looking for, she let out an "Aha!" and presented Lysander and I each with a bright yellow form.

"_THE LOVING ARMS YOUTH HOSTEL NEEDS YOU!_

_Are you outgoing, friendly, and energetic? Do you love helping people? Are you interested in majoring in foreign language or international studies?_

_The Loving Arms Youth Hostel is offering three lucky Sweet Amoris seniors a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to study abroad over winter break this year!_

_Applications must be submitted before the next Student Council meeting. A complete application includes a résumé highlighting your work experience and at least one letter of reference._

_Truant students and/or students with a GPA lower than 3.0 will not be considered."_

"Study abroad? Where?" Lysander wondered aloud.

"It's an international chain of low-cost lodging for high school and college students. They pick a different country every few years to host Sweet Amoris kids. Last year they went to Belgium." She indicated a photo pinned to her bulletin board. A group of ten or twelve kids about my age posed for the photo, a Gothic cathedral serving as their backdrop.

"And this year?" asked Lysander again, raising the brow above his gold eye.

"They're still trying to decide. They originally planned to go to Panama, but they can't anymore because of a security issue. You know Panama is."

We both nodded, even though neither of us knew how Panama was.

"Even if you end up somewhere where they don't speak German, I thought it'd be valuable experience for both of you, since you've expressed interest in anthropology and international business," she said, pointing first to me and then to Lysander with a dry erase marker. "And hey - German backpackers get around. You might run into some, yet!"

I was enthralled - German backpackers or no. "I want in!"

"Me, too," Lysander agreed.

"Great! I'd be happy to write a letter for each of you."

"You would do that?" I had no idea she thought so highly of Lysander and me. "Danke schön, Frau!"

"Danke, Frau," echoed Lysander, nodding appreciatively.

"Bitte, bitte! It's no trouble at all." She reminded us about the textbook exercises that were due the next day, handed us each a late pass for our next class, and shuffled us out the door with an "Auf Wiedersehen!"


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20: Reach Out**

I read the yellow Loving Arms form over and over, backwards and forwards.

_What is it's in France - in Paris or Montpelier? Or Brazil? Or Sweden?_

_...Or Australia?_

Before I could stop myself, I was hugging Dake hello in my mind, crying tears of joy - and he was hugging back, just as overjoyed to see me.

_Yeah, right. And then he'll ask me to elope with him and we'll move into a magical castle on the moon._

The chance to learn about a different culture was about as magical as my real life could get without Dake in it. I told myself to be grateful for this chance and to remain hopeful - within reason.

When lunch hour finally came, I met up with Castiel and Lysander in the courtyard. We sat in the cool shade of an oak tree whose leaves had turned a stunning yellow-orange.

Lysander had told Castiel about Frau Becker's recommendation that we apply for the internship. "You guys knock yourselves out, but I couldn't go if I wanted to," Castiel grunted as he struggled to peel an orange. "I don't know anyone who can look after Demon for three weeks."

I took his orange from him, effortlessly punctured the rind with my fingernail, and pulled the waxy skin off in sweet-smelling strips. Although his point about Demon was valid, Lysander and I knew the more obvious reasons why Castiel couldn't go. His GPA was lamentable - and he definitely couldn't be described as 'outgoing,' 'friendly,' or 'energetic.'

"I still don't know," I mumbled as I handed Castiel his naked orange. I didn't want to give him the incorrect impression that I thought I'd outgrown him or that I was better than him. "There are a lot of talented students at this school. The chances of _both _of us getting selected are -"

"They'd be crazy not to give it to a girl like you," Castiel interjected, splitting the orange in two. He offered me half, which I gratefully accepted. "And that goes for you, too, Lysander. You're the most talented guy at this school."

As Lysander looked up from his sketchbook, a rare smile parted his lips. "Thanks, Cas."

"Now, tell me about your infiltration of the Weiss house," Castiel said through a mouthful of fruit, regaining his sarcasm.

I laughed awkwardly. "Lys told you about that already? You must think I've gone completely insane."

"Sane people can't be trusted," Castiel mused. "That's why I've come to appreciate _you_, Candy."

I forcefully shoved his shoulder, toppling him over onto his side.

I filled both Castiel and Lysander in on some of the details I'd left out about Saturday. "It sounds so stupid when I talk about it out loud. I don't want him to hate me for what I did...but it's more important for him to get help. This was the only way I could think of without getting him into trouble."

Castiel's expression changed suddenly when he noticed someone approaching from behind me. He pretended to be engaged in a completely different conversation. "I don't think people take the third one seriously because it's set in the Old West, which I guess is sort of random, but the trilogy isn't complete without it... Can we _help _you with something, Mr. Perfect?" he sneered to someone standing over my shoulder.

"I hope I'm not interrupting," Nathaniel apologized to me, completely ignoring Castiel. He held a clipboard tightly in his hands, tapping it with restless fingertips. It didn't look like there was anything actually attached to it. "Candace, can I borrow you for a second?"

I glanced sideways at Castiel and Lysander. Three of their four eyes were seething; Lysander's green eye glimmered mischievously.

"Yeah, sure, Nathaniel," I agreed, brushing orange peel off of my clothes as I stood.

I followed Nathaniel back across the courtyard. I hadn't taken ten steps before my phone buzzed in my pocket.

It was just Castiel being paranoid. "Say the word, and we'll follow."

I didn't want to drag Castiel into this, too. It was bad enough that I'd told him about Nathaniel's addiction in the first place. Whatever was about to happen, I had it coming, and it was mine to deal with on my own. Still, if I told him 'no,' it pretty much guaranteed that he would follow as soon as Nathaniel and I were far enough ahead. I settled on a reassuring: "I'll text if I need you."

Once back inside the school, we walked all the way to the other side of the building and through the door to the empty Student Council room.

I thought he intended to browbeat me - to tell me to stay away from his mother and his sister, to never speak to him again.

Panic welled up in my eyes. "I'm so sorry, Nathaniel. I -"

Nathaniel's embrace caught me completely off guard, squeezing the air out of my lungs. Nathaniel was significantly shorter than Castiel or Lysander - or Dake, for that matter. Hugging him meant coming dangerously close to being face-to-face...mouth-to-mouth.

"You have _nothing _to be sorry for," he insisted, speaking softly into my ear. "All you were trying to do was help. That's all you've ever wanted to do."

As he released me, I felt my lungs decompress, and I gasped to fill them with air once more. "I don't understand," I wheezed.

"The whole time you were talking to Amber," he explained, "you were respectful and honest. You didn't even raise your voice."

I squinted at him suspiciously. "Wait, how...?"

"I was listening on the other side of Amber's door," he admitted to the wall beyond my head. "I know, I... I should have told you I was there, but I...couldn't face you, after you found out. I was so ashamed."

"Nathaniel... I don't think there's anything you could do that would make me ashamed of you. I was _scared_. I still am."

"You don't have to be scared, Candace." He took a step forward, meaning to hug me again.

I took a step back. "I was scared of losing you...as a friend."

Nathaniel blinked. "Right. No, you're right, absolutely." He stepped back and held out his hand instead.

I smiled and shook it enthusiastically.

Nathaniel snapped his fingers as if he suddenly remembered something, but really I think he was just trying to change the subject. "Oh, yeah! I wanted to tell you, there's this internship I think you should try out for -"

"The Loving Arms internship? Frau Becker already said she'd recommend me - and Lysander. Are you applying, too?"

"I am...if _you _are."

I didn't know quite how to take that. "Guess that means I'll have to put in a lot of extra effort if I want to stand a chance against _you_, Mr. Perfect."

He didn't seem to appreciate my use of Castiel's nickname for him. "Yeah... Listen, I think you should come to the Student Council meeting on Friday afternoon to submit your applications - both you and Lysander, I guess. We should know which country it'll be by then, too."

"I'll definitely be there, and I'll pass it along to Lysander." I closed my hand around the door handle and pushed it open.

"Great. Hey, Candace?"

"Yeah?"

"It's good to have you back."

I breathed a sigh of relief. "It's good to be back, Nathaniel."


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21: Too Perfect**

I didn't want for Castiel to feel left out, so I asked if he wanted to sit in during the Student Council meeting on Friday afternoon, to which he replied: "I would rather gouge my eyes out with a guitar pick." So, needless to say, he did not accompany Lysander and I as we made our way to the student Council Room.

We were the first to arrive, so we helped Nathaniel arrange the tables and chairs into a horseshoe formation.

Melody came next. Just for the occasion, she had baked sugar cookies and iced them in green, white, and blue to look like little globes. ("We still don't know which country they picked, so I made the whole world!")

A few at a time, other Council members came in and took their seats, chatting amongst themselves, Melody's cookies staining their teeth and tongues blue-green. Peggy dented the doorway with the cumbrous 1970's microphone box thing she always carried with her. She complemented Melody on her creativity, but didn't eat a cookie. ("I won't eat it if it has _unborn baby chickens _in it," she explained loudly.)

It turned out that Lysander and I were up against Melody, Peggy, and Nathaniel for the Loving Arms internship. I had honestly expected a larger turnout.

"How do you like our chances?" I texted to Lysander, even though he was sitting right next to me.

He read my text, then looked around the room skeptically. "I'm not so sure," he answered honestly. He didn't mean it as an insult to me; the truth of the matter was that we were up against Sweet Amoris' best and brightest. "Who do you want?" he asked in another text. I knew he meant: _Who do want to get chosen besides you and me?_

"Nath," I answered.

His unenthusiastic reply came in the form on a smiley with a lopsided backslash mouth.

"He needs to get away," I reasoned, "and besides, he has the best chance of getting it." Nathaniel's résumé listed extracurricular activities in overabundance; he probably volunteered in his sleep. More importantly, if he got it, it would mean a three-week head start on detoxing for the new year. I wanted for him to have that chance, even if it meant I couldn't.

"...Peggy?" Lysander texted back cryptically.

"What about Peggy?" I honestly had no idea what he meant. Peggy the newsmonger was at the bottom of my list, below even Melody, whose perfection was as annoying as it was intimidating.

When there were about a dozen of us in total, Nathaniel took his place at the podium. "Okay, it looks like everyone's here, so let's get started. We'll start with old business. Melody, could you read back the minutes from last week?"

"Well..." She flipped through her detailed notes and tucked a lock of long chestnut hair back behind her ear. She had the poise and posture of a storybook princess. It made me want to punch her in the face. "In the first thirteen minutes of the meeting, we voted on what color sweatshirts we should order."

"Yes, that's right," said Nathaniel, remembering. "Did we ever come to a decision?"

"Unfortunately, no. It's still a bitter stalemate between heather gray and red," Melody announced somberly.

Lysander sent me another text. "Kill me."

"You kill me first," I responded. "Murder-suicide."

Nathaniel had caught on to our pattern of texting, giggling, then texting again. He was put off by my refusal to take the sweatshirt issue seriously.

"Then," Melody continued, "in the twenty minutes that followed, we listened as Peggy brought the matter of the vending machines' snack selection before the Council - or, erm, the lack of vegetarian and vegan items therein -"

"Almost _all_ of the candy," Peggy interjected, blinking her violet eyes, "has _gelatin_ in it - gelatin made from the _bones_ of _slaughtered_ _cows_." She seemed to enjoy the sound her own voice made as it injected drama into every syllable. "You can read all about it in the exposé I'm working on for next week's edition of the newspaper. It's called _Gummy Bears: Secretly Care Bear Embryos? _… It's a working title," she explained to the room of dumbfounded stares.

"Okay, moving right along to new business..." Nathaniel took over. "For those of us who applied to study abroad over winter break, the moment we've all been waiting for has finally arrived! Loving Arms contacted Frau Becker earlier today confirming the location of the winter internship. They told her in an email that the hostel that could use our help the most is the one located in Brisbane, Queensland, Australia."

_Dake_.

Hope formed in my chest as involuntarily as a blood clot and similarly made me weak and short of breath. I had no right to have this much hope. All I knew was a first name and a continent, and that wasn't really much to go on at all - but even that was enough for the hope that incapacitated me at that moment.

Meanwhile, Melody and Peggy squealed with excitement, for reasons that were entirely their own.

"I hear it's summer all year round!" sang Melody.

"I hear there are more koalas than people!" chirped Peggy.

"Alright, alright, that's enough," barked Nathaniel, trying to regain order. "Our applications have been submitted to the manager of the Brisbane Loving Arms branch for final review. We could hear back from her with the winners as early as next week. That doesn't give us a whole lot of time before winter break to get passports and paperwork ready..."

Anything he said after that fell on deaf ears. I was too far gone to be roped back down.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22: Come Clean**

Castiel waited in his parked Lumina for Lysander and I to come out of the Student Council meeting. He was halfway through a cigarette, but flicked it away when he saw us approaching. The residual smell of smoke on his clothes was bearable, but he knew I couldn't stand it when he smoked around me.

"What's the verdict?" he asked as Lysander climbed over the passenger seat into the back. "Where are they sending you?"

My whole body was atingle with adrenaline. It felt like I'd just swallowed a live mouse that kicked and wriggled all the way down my esophagus.

"Brisbane," Lysander said coolly.

"Huh..." Castiel turned the key to start the car. "That's funny."

The plan was to go back to Castiel's place and take Demon on a walk before the three of us went to see a movie. He lived in a roomy second-floor apartment with wide windows, vertical blinds kept shut most of the time. The inside was cluttered, which I'm sure was typical for a boy who lived alone, but this time I was impressed to see that he had attempted to dust.

Demon was overjoyed to be let out of his crate and greeted us all with enthusiasm - Lysander most of all. I assumed he wouldn't appreciate dogs because of the danger the fur and dander posed to his expensive clothes, but I was wrong. He wrestled and teased Demon like he was his furry kid brother. That was just one of many things I was surprised to find out about Lysander as I got to know him better.

Lysander hooked a leash onto Demon's collar. "I'll take him around the building. Why don't you stay here with Cas and look up movie times, Candace?" He looked at me, then Castiel, as if giving him some kind of silent signal.

Castiel gave an almost imperceivable nod back.

_What's going on?_

"Sure, okay." I would go along with whatever they had planned, even though I was looking forward to taking Demon on a walk.

Lysander and Demon left the two of us alone in the untidy living room.

I found Castiel's Macbook on an arm of the black leather couch. I meant to open it and search for movie listings, but Castiel snatched it away from me, inexplicably beet red and flustered. He frantically closed several browser windows before giving it back.

"Candy..." he finally said after a heavy silence. "I don't want you to get your hopes up."

_Oh. I get it now._

"So, it was okay for me to apply for this internship when it was in a non-specified foreign country, but now that it's in Australia, I suddenly shouldn't get my hopes up?"

"I mean... I don't want you get your hopes up thinking you can find that guy. Dakota. It's kind of a big country."

I couldn't let him see how hurt I was. "That's the stupidest thing you've ever said, Cas. And that's saying something." I rolled my eyes and smirked - a move I'd learned from Castiel himself. "First of all, there's no guarantee I'll get it. Peggy, Melody, and Nathaniel have a lot more going on than I do. Second, even if I _did _get it, I couldn't look for Dake if I wanted to. They're going to put us to _work_. I wouldn't have the time or the money to run around all over the place trying to find him."

I heard my own voice say such brave things, such smart things - but there was a little girl inside my head throwing a tantrum, stamping her feet and screaming at Castiel for crushing her dreams. The sad truth was that I was hopelessly in love with an idea, with a figment - and I would do _anything _to try to find him again.

Castiel seemed satisfied with the answer I'd said out loud and cracked his signature smirk.

It was his turn to reassure me now. "Level with me, Cas. What happens if Lysander and I both get picked?"

His smile faded as he sighed and looked around the room - its bare walls, its minimal furniture. "I guess that means I'll spend Christmas here. Alone."

I instantly regretted ever applying. "Castiel..." I still didn't know the specifics of his mother's life, but I knew he was twelve years old when she died - and it was around Christmastime.

"I'm just _kidding_, Candy," he chuckled, squeezing my shoulder. "_God_, you're gullible. I'll be fine. I've got Demon. He's all I really need, as far as family goes. You'd only be gone for three weeks. I'd survive."

Lysander and Demon were back from their walk. I heard Lysander slowly turning the handle and the scratching of Demon's paws on the doorframe.

"Oh no, they're back!" I shouted. "Quick, Castiel - put your pants back on and get my bra down from the ceiling fan!"

Castiel and Lysander both needed a laugh. None of us wasted any more time worrying about Australia or Christmas. We had more important matters to attend to - like claiming three seats in the middle of the very last row of the theater and hogging the air hockey table in the lobby for two hours.

The following Wednesday back at Sweet Amoris, Frau Becker posted the names of the Chosen Three on the foreign language department's bulletin board. Melody, Nathaniel, Peggy, Lysander, and I crowded around it, trying to read the names.

"_Congratulations to Nathaniel Weiss, Lysander Vespasian, and Mary Margaret Donahue!"_


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23: Barter**

Nathaniel was getting his chance to finally kick his addiction. Lysander was getting valuable experience for his educational future. Peggy was getting the networking opportunities she so craved. Everyone was overjoyed with the results - even Melody, who was rejected. Like me.

Spending Christmas in Sweet Amoris with Castiel didn't sound so bad. Everything would turn out fine. At least, I tried to tell myself everything would be fine.

_But now I'll never know. Years from now, I'll look back at this moment...and wonder._

I shouldn't have felt as defeated as I did. I'd tried my best, but honestly, I couldn't hold a candle to Peggy. She was everything I was not: vocal, involved, passionate, talented...

The school day ended pretty anticlimactically. As I was unlocking my bike, Castiel pulled up beside me in his car, Lysander riding shotgun. "You sure you don't want a ride?"

"You know my bike won't fit in that matchbox, Cas. I'm fine. It's nice out." It was getting colder, but I didn't mind. I actually liked the early October briskness.

"Alright. Call me later if you want," he suggested as he drove away. This was Castiel's way of saying: _Call me later if you need someone to talk to._

I lost any motivation to work on school assignments once I got home, even though I was drowning in them. I spread them all out on my bed so that it would look like I'd been busy when Auntie got back later in the evening. I took advantage of my time alone by practicing fishtail braiding my own hair and watching several back-to-back episodes of a mindless sitcom.

When Auntie finally came through the front door, she was eager to get out of a heavy Glinda the Good Witch ballgown. She'd been to some kind of formal dance for the seniors at a retirement community a few towns over - which I thought was kind of weird, since it was Wednesday. "Did you find out who got it today?" she asked through my open bedroom door, unhooking her glittery butterfly choker.

"Yes," I replied listlessly.

"Well? Who?" As if she even needed to ask.

"Nathaniel, Lysander, and Peggy."

"Oh... Who's Peggy?"

"_Exactly_." I slumped down on top of my homework pile, not even caring about crinkling it.

"Oh, Sweetie, don't be upset. I've made fun Christmas plans! You would have missed out!"

"Do these plans involve gingerbread and gumdrops?"

"You know me too well."

I smiled. She always did her best to make me feel better. "Thanks, Auntie."

She excused herself to change out of her massive gown.

I dug my cell phone out of my backpack, intending to call Lysander. Nathaniel _couldn't _catch on to the fact that my friend knew about his Ritalin problem (because _I _told him), but I wanted to make sure he was well looked after, and I knew I could count on Lysander. I didn't think I could count on Peggy to look out for anyone besides herself. As I was scrolling through the contacts to find Lysander's name, I was interrupted by an incoming call. From Nathaniel.

Slightly taken aback, I answered. "Hey, Nathaniel."

"Candace." Nathaniel's voice over the phone was gentle, like it had been when he hugged me and whispered in my ear. It made me shiver. "I was calling to ask if you still wanted to go. To Brisbane, I mean."

"...Why?"

"Well, because..."

_He's not giving me his spot, is he? I can't let him do that._

"Peggy had to withdraw her application," he clarified before I could interject. "I guess she changed her mind. And you were their next choice. So I'm calling to offer it to you instead. … Candace?"

I hadn't made any noise for several weighty seconds, my mind reeling with all the new possibilities that had just opened. "Yes!" I finally piped up. "Yes, I do want to go. Thank you _so _much, Nathaniel."

Nathaniel laughed a breathy, bashful laugh. "Don't thank me, Candace. To be honest, I'm kind of relieved."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. It'll be nice having you there with me."

At least this way I didn't have to bother Lysander about it - I could watch over Nathaniel myself. "I'm glad I get to go with you, too, Nathaniel."

"Okay. I guess I'll tell Frau Becker so that she can tell the hostel manager." I could hear the difference in his voice when he smiled. "I'll see you tomorrow."

After we said our goodbyes, I sprang up, sending papers and books crashing to the floor. Unable to contain my excitement, I rushed into Auntie's bathroom, where she was hard at work removing layer after layer of Good Witch makeup. I was afraid she might be disappointed that I would have to forgo being home for Christmas, but she was proud of me, like she always is.

"This calls for a celebration!" Auntie declared. At our house, 'celebration' meant ordering pizza and watching a British murder-mystery - and not doing a single homework assignment.

The next morning at school, Lysander found me as I was switching out textbooks at my locker at the end of first period.

"Peggy's not going to Brisbane, Candace," he told me, his eyes searching mine for an explanation.

"I know. I found out last night." I closed my locker and together we headed to our German class. "I'm a little confused. What could _possibly _make Peggy withdraw her application? I didn't think 'withdraw' was in her vocabulary. And I thought she wanted to bottle-feed orphaned baby wallabies - maybe train kookaburras to sing."

"She says he asked her to use winter break to work on the newspaper and yearbook committees. He even offered her an eight-page spread in the yearbook as incentive. She couldn't say no."

"_He _asked her?" I asked with a raised eyebrow. "He who?"

"Mr. Perfect himself," Lysander replied matter-of-factly.

What did Nathaniel think he was doing, so carelessly putting his neck on the line for me?

_But I would do the same for him - and he knows that._

Lysander and I looked on as Peggy walked down the hallway in the other direction. He sighed hungrily. "I was kind of looking forward to getting to know her away from school..."

We chanced looking back over our shoulders at Peggy as she passed, but we should have known she would be staring right at us.

She smiled at Lysander, and, giggling, blew him a kiss.

Lysander pantomimed catching the kiss in midair and putting it in his pocket, presumably saving it for later.

I elbowed him in the ribs, smiling ear to ear. "Lys, I bet _you _could give her something to write about, if you know what I mean..."


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24: Goodbye and Good Luck**

The agony of final exams was finally over. December was almost halfway through. The morning of our departure was finally here.

We had to meet at the the airport at 3AM so that we could all go through security together. All four members of the Weiss family were there to greet Auntie and me just inside the check-in station: Mr. and Mrs. Weiss, a fidgety Nathaniel, and a dazed Amber.

I saw Leigh approaching out of the corner of my eye, along with someone else I didn't recognize. To be sure, I rubbed a bothersome smudge off of my glasses lens with my coat sleeve - but no, that _was _Lysander behind his older brother. In a hooded sweatshirt and jeans, Lysander looked like he was trying way too hard to look normal, like he was wearing a 'regular person' costume.

Just behind the Vespasian brothers followed a scowling Castiel, arms crossed, but not remotely tired. He and I were the only ones wide awake. He didn't even have to be here; he tagged along just so he could see us off.

Auntie bode me a fond farewell, assuring me that she had plenty of holiday parties lined up to keep herself busy in my absence.

Castiel broke away from Lysander and Leigh and came towards me. "I guess you're finally leaving, huh?"

"You'll survive," I told him, echoing his own words. "It's only three weeks. That's barely long enough for you to start to miss us."

He tried to show me a reassuring smirk, but it faded too quickly to be genuine. I held out my arms for a goodbye hug. He took me unquestioningly into his arms, swaying slightly to a tempo only he could hear. His fingers and his face were cold to the touch, robbed of their usual warmth by the icy predawn blackness outside. "Candy, when you come back, there's something I have to tell you," he breathed.

I inhaled, his smoky scent burning into my memory. "You can't tell me now?"

"No," he said shortly, suddenly releasing me from the hug. Perhaps he was wary of the fact that my aunt and Nathaniel's family were right in front of us.

_What could he possibly have to tell me that he can't say in front of them? _I wondered.

Amber watched the scene unfold over her brother's shoulder as she hugged him goodbye, a vague, a far-off look in her eyes.

Our loved ones behind us and our suitcases checked, we queued up to go through security. After a slight setback when Lysander was 'randomly' selected for additional screening (probably because of his bizarre hair and technicolor eyes), we were finally off.

It was hard to keep up with the two boys' long strides in the crowded international terminal, which was alive with activity even at this ungodly hour because of the approaching holiday.

Nathaniel reached back for my hand. "I don't want to lose you," he said jocularly.

I took his outstretched hand and let him guide me through the sea of faces. Like me, each of them was searching for something important enough to merit flying thousands and thousands of miles away from home to try to find. Safety. Belonging. Comfort. Kinship. Friendship.

Love.

_Don't give up on me yet, Dake. I'm on my way._


	25. Chapter 25

**Part III**

**Candace and friends are off to Australia for a three-week internship at an urban Brisbane youth hostel. The journey poses challenges for which the trio are completely unprepared. Will serendipity bring Candace and Dake back together - or will she discover that true love has been on her doorstep this whole time? Hearts will break and heads will roll (figuratively speaking) in the third installment of Sand, Sugar, and Salt.**

**Chapter 25: Email Correspondence**

_Auntie,_

_Our first week in Brisbane has been fantastic. Exhausting, yes, but fantastic. Belinda needs all hands on deck this time of year. I'm just glad we can be here to help._

_You wouldn't believe how many kids move through this place in a week. I've met kids from Israel, Russia, the Philippines, South Africa, the Netherlands, Japan, Spain... There are others, but I can't think of them right now._

_Maybe it's just because of the stark contrast, but it seems like December in Australia is hotter even than the hottest July in Sweet Amoris. Everyone in the city decorates their storefronts and apartment balconies with Christmas lights, just like they do back home. They even decorate evergreen trees - sometimes with palm fronds and ferns mixed in._

_Nathaniel was off to a slow start, but I think he's finally adjusting now. Lysander likes to go see the sights around the city in his spare time. I don't know where he finds the energy._

_To answer your questions, no, the water in the toilets does not swirl the other way down here, and yes, Steve Irwin jokes are still taboo. (I don't think there will ever be a time when Steve Irwin jokes will be okay.)_

_I'll check in with you again before Christmas. I want to hear all about the parties you've been working!_

_Love you and miss you,_  
_Candace_

Satisfied with my message, I hit 'send.'

I sat in a broken swivel chair front of one of four clunky desktops in the rec room of the youth hostel. All of them were occupied and had at least two kids anxiously waiting, so I had to hurry.

I heaved an exhausted sigh and composed a new email in which I could confidently bare my soul. The story I told Auntie was much more lighthearted and optimistic than the one I would tell Castiel.

_Castiel,_

_How have you been? I'm doing fine, except I'm kind of in misery._

_I know you don't especially care, but Nathaniel just keeps getting worse. I think it's because he regressed and started abusing Amber's Ritalin again for finals, and now that he's away, he's had to quit cold turkey. It's making him nauseous to the point where he can't keep meals down anymore - which is disruptive. And disgusting. We've been here for a whole week, so it's getting harder to vouch for him by blaming it on jet lag._

_Speaking of vouching for people, what exactly does Lysander think he's doing, sneaking off before work and not coming back until after dark? I haven't seen him hardly at all the past few days. I've tried to ask him what's going on, but he keeps making up excuses that don't make any sense. I don't want him to get in trouble with Belinda - or worse, with the law. If it's none of my business, fine - but if he's doing something stupid, try to talk some sense into him, will you?_

_Anyway... Christmas is coming up on Tuesday. Like I said before, Auntie will feed you if you go visit her. (If that burnt-up shingle you called a grilled cheese sandwich is the extent of your cooking abilities, it's probably been too long since you had a decent home-cooked meal.) I'm sure she'd be happy to see you, even if I'm not there. Any friend of mine is a friend of hers, she said._

_Until next time..._

_Always,_  
_Candy_

I logged out of my email account and let the French girl waiting to use the computer take my seat. "Sank you," she mumbled tiredly.

"De rien," I replied, but she couldn't hear me over the ruckus. A foursome of Portuguese boys at the other end of the room were loudly taunting each other over what seemed like a very complicated card game.

The rec room consisted of the Internet terminals, a few round tables and threadbare upholstered chairs, a milk crate overflowing with outdated magazines, and a wall-mounted display with slots for colorful brochures and maps. I walked out into the lobby, which was empty at the moment, since it was just a few minutes after noon. Once the rush hour traffic in the street outside died down, the lobby would be full again with tour groups, classes on field trips, and young couples honeymooning on a budget. I had been looking forward to interacting with all these kids - talking to them, learning from them - but for the past week, the extent of my interaction with them was cleaning up after them. Most of them ignored me completely, but when they did talk to me, they assumed I was stupid or braindead.

_This wasn't at all what I'd had in mind when I first read the flyer back at Sweet Amoris._

I felt foolish and small. I'd allowed myself to believe not only that I was going on a fun-filled adventure, but that along the way I could actually find Dake. But real life wasn't like a made-for-T.V. movie. All I'd found so far were blistered fingers, sore muscles, and a heavy, homesick heart.

And, to make matters worse, I missed Dake more than I ever had. The pain of pining for him had been dulled somewhat back at Sweet Amoris, with day-to-day schoolwork and my new friends to take my mind off of him. Now, I lived and breathed the memories, hearing the familiar inflection of his voice every time an Australian spoke.

"_There_ you are, Candy!"

I flinched when I heard Belinda call my name. Belinda, the manager of the Brisbane Loving Arms and my temporary boss, came into the lobby, her tan face screwed up into an accusatory frown. The slender, athletic thirty-something wore a blue polo shirt embroidered with the Loving Arms logo - the same as the ones Lysander, Nathaniel and I were given to wear, only ours were yellow. She automatically called me "Candy," just like all the other Australians I'd met so far. Apparently, giving people diminutive nicknames was a cultural thing.

_I always thought Dake called Candy because... because he..._

Belinda knew she only had three weeks to take advantage of her new interns, so she saddled us with the grunt work her Australian employees wouldn't do: dusting the baseboards, scraping the black scuffs off the walls with a sponge, bussing tables and washing dishes in the canteen, disposing of uneaten food. All too often, since Nathaniel was sick and Lysander was AWOL, I would end up doing the work of three people all by myself.

Today, it seemed, was going to be one of those days.

"Where'd your friend Lysander run off to?" she asked incriminatingly.

"Um... I'm sure he'll be along. Probably stepped out for a smoke," I contrived, even though Lysander didn't smoke.

Belinda shook her head disapprovingly. "At least they sent me _one_ good one," she mumbled, not intending for me to hear. "Alright... It looks like we've got a group of thirty American kids coming in this afternoon. They'll need thirty and thirty-four clean before they get here."

I counted on my fingers, trying to figure out how many bunk beds were in the rooms she specified. Both were the largest kind the hostel offered, meant to sleep twelve to eighteen. "Those are both still dirty from those choir kids that checked out earlier. When is the American group supposed to be here?"

"Fifteen minutes ago. I'd get started straight away, if I were you."

I nodded reluctantly and went to retrieve the cleaning supplies, trying to stifle my quickly increasing animosity.

_When Lysander comes back_, I thought angrily, _I swear I'm going to gag him with a toilet brush._


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26: Shapes and Shadows**

After Belinda and the kitchen staff could think of no more backbreaking work for me to do, I was dismissed for the night and trudged up to the building's second floor. I was anxious to wash away the sweat, splattered food, and God-only-knows-what-else that had collected all over my body. Never before had I been more thankful for a shower, even if it was lukewarm.

The Americans that had arrived earlier that afternoon were the loudest I had ever heard in my entire life. When I learned that they were a marching band from a small town in Kentucky, it all started to make sense. Since my noisy upstairs neighbors were going to keep me up all night, I figured I might as well stake out Lysander.

Once I was sufficiently clean, I made my way to the boys' room, my wet hair soaking the back of my green pajama top. Lysander and Nathaniel were assigned a room to share, but I got my own at the other end of the hallway, since I was the odd girl out.

Nathaniel answered my knock. "H-hey, Candace." He stepped aside to let me in.

"Hey. Feeling better?"

"A little," he lied. He had turned the lights off, probably because of another migraine. A streetlamp shone just outside the window, its glow filtered through leafy branches. It was disconcerting to see a tree so green and alive decorated with yellow-white string lights.

"Do you mind if I stay here and wait for Lysander?" I asked. "I want to be here when he comes back."

"You're going to stay in here? With me?" he sputtered. "Alone?"

"I'll be quiet," I promised. "You won't even know I'm here."

"Uh... Okay..." Nathaniel didn't seem to know what to do with himself. For a while he kneaded his temples with his knuckles, trying to keep his pounding headache at bay. When that proved ineffective, he tilted his head from side to side, as though trying to rid his inner ears of water. "I wish someone would answer that phone," he mumbled.

I heard the muffled laughter and heavy footsteps of the band kids above, but no phone ringing. I cleared my throat uncomfortably. "Yeah... Are you going to bed anytime soon?"

"No, I'm not tired. I've been sleeping off and on all day." He cracked a coy smile. "Why don't you come over here and talk to me?" he suggested, patting the spot next to him on his bed.

I obliged, sitting cross-legged next to Nathaniel. He was trying to be sociable, but I could tell he felt miserable. Beads of sweat formed just underneath his hairline; I was close enough to see them even without my glasses.

He looked back at me forlornly. When we made eye contact, he turned away, too shy to meet my gaze. "I'm sorry to put you through this, Candace. I should be down there working with you."

I knew it wasn't his fault he was going through withdrawal, but it was comforting to know he was thinking of me. "I know you would help if you could," I told him. I gripped his shoulders and pulled, trying to get him to lie down. He felt so clammy.

Nathaniel flinched at the touch. "Candace? What're you -"

I shushed him and tugged more instantly until he obeyed, resting his head in my lap, a confused smile spreading across his face. With my fingers and thumbs, I applied gentle pressure to the parts of Nathaniel's head that ailed him: his forehead, his temples, just behind his ears. The longer I massaged, the more he allowed his tormented body to relax. His breathing became steadier and deeper until he fell asleep.

I must have dozed off, too. The next thing I knew, I was being startled awake by the sound of Lysander opening the door. Since he had just stepped into the room from the brightly-lit hallway, his eyes hadn't adjusted to the dark yet.

He wouldn't notice me until I announced myself. "Have fun today, Lys?"

Lysander jumped and grabbed his chest. "Candace! What are you doing in here?" he hissed. "You scared the living -"

"Lysander, tell me what's going on." As unobtrusively as possible, I wriggled out from underneath Nathaniel so that I could confront Lysander across the room. I wanted so badly to scream at Lysander, but I had to filter my rant so that it came out in rasping whispers. "Do you know who has to pick up the slack for you when you're gone? Me. Do you know who takes the heat for you? Me. Well, no more Miss Nice Candace. This isn't what I signed up for. I won't lie for you anymore - not until you tell me what's so important you can't be here."

Lysander was always so calm and collected. I'd never even heard him raise his voice - but that didn't mean he wouldn't defend himself if he thought he was being treated unfairly. He glowered down at me, then shot a malevolent glance towards Nathaniel, asleep on his cot. "What, Mr. Perfect over there can't help you with your chores?"

I could have slapped him. "You _know _Nathaniel has been sick," I murmured. "And you _know _why."

"A little Ritalin can't make you _that _sick," Lysander retorted, forgetting to keep his voice down. "Isn't it obvious? He's just playing it up because he thrives on your attention. He gets off on the way you baby him."

I was in shock. I had never known Lysander to be so..._nasty_.

Nathaniel must have woken up shortly after Lysander came in. "You _told _him, Candace?" he asked blearily.

My heart fell into the pit of my stomach. Here I was, betraying and embarrassing Nathaniel all over again, when all I wanted to do was help him. "Nathaniel, please - I was _so _afraid, and Lysander and Castiel were the _only _friends I had left -"

"Lysander _and _Castiel? You told _Castiel_, too?" He sprang out of bed, suddenly wide awake and furious. "Did you get on the intercom and tell the whole _school_, while you were at it?"

"The only reason you're even _here_," Lysander pressed on, ignoring Nathaniel, "is because Mr. Student Body President offered Peggy a bribe, and she took it. _She _should be the one who's here with me, not _you_."

The panic welling up inside me threatened to spill out in the form of tears, but I swallowed it and converted it into anger. "I _never _asked Nathaniel to do what he did. If it were up to me, Peggy would be here instead of me, and none of this would have happened. But, _stupid _me, I thought you'd be just as happy to study abroad with your _friend_. At least, I _thought _you were my friend, Lysander."

"I never wanted to be your friend in the _first _place!" Lysander shot back. A shadow fell over his face, shrouding him in black. "The whole thing was Castiel's idea! He wants me to approve of you because _he's in love with you!_"

_He's lying. He has to be._

_You don't really love me...do you, Castiel?_

_Is that what you wanted to tell me?_

"Honestly, I don't know why he bothers. The way you string him along when he so obviously adores you makes me _sick_. And just one's not enough for you. You've got _him _wrapped around your little finger, too," Lysander snarled, gesturing in Nathaniel's general direction.

He took a step forward and struck the final blow. "I guess the rumors are true after all. You _are _a slut."


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27: The Fight Before Christmas**

_Candy,_

_Stop worrying about Nathaniel. I'm being dead serious. Has anyone ever told you that you care way too much?_

_I can't believe Lysander hasn't told you what he's been doing. Just ask him and he'll show you. He's already sent me pictures. Maybe he'll take you with him next time. You sound like you need a break from that place._

_It's been snowing pretty much every day since you left. It looks like we're going to have a white Christmas. Demon and I have been holding down the fort, but it's not the same without you. I miss you, Candy. I can't wait for you to come home._

_Hang in there,_  
_Cas_

I heard his voice in my head as I read. I was hoping Castiel's response would magically make everything better, but when I finished reading, I felt even more lost than I had before.

_Castiel, _I replied.

_Lysander says you're in love with me._

I stared at the blinking cursor for a while, but I couldn't think of what to say. It wasn't fair to just sit there when other homesick kids were waiting, so I logged off. I felt uneasy about asking him about his feelings for me in an impersonal email. I could call him, but Auntie would have my head when she got the next phone bill. I would have to wait until I got home to ask Castiel about how he really felt.

Until then, I would make the most of where I was...or at least try. I had a whole laundry list of work. It was December 23rd. All but five of the rooms had to be cleaned. Everyone was checking out and going home.

_The sooner you start, the sooner you'll finish_, I comforted myself as I climbed the stairs to the third floor.

When I got to thirty-four, the door was propped open. Inside, Nathaniel was collecting Tim Tam wrappers that had been strewn all over the floor. I was relieved to see that he was doing better. Some of the color had returned to his face and it didn't look like he felt nauseous, but his eyes were still angry. I wondered if he'd been able to go back to sleep after I left his room last night.

As we stared at one another, each second that ticked by added to my anxiety. Neither of us could think of anything to say, so we didn't say anything.

I backed out of the room and started on the next one. We alternated rooms until the entire hostel was clean, never once exchanging so much as a 'hello.' It was hot, sweaty, lonely, miserable work - but at least I had someone to help me.

I never saw Lysander, though I couldn't say I especially wanted to, after the way he'd treated me. I would have asked Nathaniel if he knew where Lysander was, but clearly he wasn't willing to talk to me - and I didn't blame him.

It was harder to avoid Nathaniel on Christmas Eve. Belinda gave us no work to do besides cleaning up after the morning meal. We stood at our assigned posts at the kitchen's triple sinks, trying to keep up with the cooks as they stacked dirty dishes, pots, and utensils higher and higher.

Nathaniel and I agreed silently that he would wash dishes and I would rinse them and put them away. After a half hour, we still hadn't made a dent in the mountain of dirty dishes. Nathaniel picked up the pace, leaving unacceptable amounts of gunk on the dishes he dropped into my section of the sink to be rinsed. I passive-aggressively dropped one back into his section, accidentally splashing him with sudsy water and soaking the front of his shirt.

He let out a disgusted groan and gave me a dirty look.

I bit my lip and averted my eyes. _I'm sorry_, I tried to convey. _I didn't mean to_...

I took a stack of chafing dishes in my arms, meaning to put them away - but they crashed to the floor with a loud metallic _clang _when I felt a surge of cold water cascade down the back of my neck. I whirled around to see Nathaniel, a dripping downturned glass in his hand, a playful smile on his face.

"Oh, it's _on _now!" I yelled, plunging a pitcher into the cold rinsing water. I flung the whole thing at him before he could seek cover, hitting him square in the face.

Between giddy fits of laughter, he and I thought of dozens of crafty ways to drench each other. The water fight ended with no ascertainable victor, since both of us were soaked all the way through. We finally collapsed on the filthy floor, panting and reeking of dishwater.

The adrenaline rush gave me courage. "I never should have told Castiel and Lysander about what I found out in the library. It had nothing to do with them. I'm sorry, Nathaniel," I apologized.

Nathaniel nodded appreciatively, but, as usual, didn't look me in the eye. "Lysander shouldn't have called you a slut," he said plainly.

I twisted my ponytail, wringing out the excess water. "I deserve to be called a lot of things, but what he said was -"

"_Completely_ uncalled for." Nathaniel finished my sentence. "If caring about other people makes you a slut, then _I'm _a slut, too."

That sent us both into another laughing convulsion.

"You're lucky Peggy wasn't here to _record _you say the words _I'm a slut_," I chortled. "She would have had a _field day_!"

As our laughter died down, he slung an arm around my shoulders and jostled me from side to side. "Oh, my... It's just not Christmas until there's a good old-fashioned _fight_," he declared with a beaming smile. Growing up in the same house as Amber, I doubted if Nathaniel had ever experienced a major holiday that didn't involve at least one fight.

"It's good to have you back, Nathaniel," I told him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and squeezing him back.

"It's good to be back, Candace," he sighed.

Our merriment came to a swift end when Belinda pushed open the kitchen door and found us, soaking wet, on the floor, hugging each other. I hadn't even considered what it must have looked like from an outsider's point of view. Belinda seemed more concerned about the state of her kitchen, her steely eyes assessing the extent of the water damage. "You two bludgers had better clean this place up - and I'd better not find you pashing in my youth hostel again," she demanded. "This isn't _that _kind of youth hostel."

Nathaniel helped me to my feet, each of us sliding on the slippery floor. I made a mental note to look up what 'bludgers' and 'pashing' meant.

"Oh, and one _more _thing," Belinda added just before she turned away. "If your friend Lysander isn't back here by tomorrow morning, tell him not to bother. I'll have him on the next flight back faster than you can say _Steve Irwin_." With that, she stormed out of the kitchen.

"_Ouch_," I grumbled when I was sure Belinda was out of earshot. "I still say there's no such thing as an appropriate Steve Irwin joke..."


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28: Albatross**

Nathaniel and I hastily squeegeed the floor of the kitchen and then went up to our respective showers. It seemed like no matter what I did, I was always varying degrees of wet - from sweating, from showering after sweating, and now from an impromptu Christmas Eve water fight.

All joking aside, we faced the very real problem of a still-missing Lysander - and his shirking work would have dire consequences if he didn't come back. Once I was safe behind the closed door of my small hostel room, even though I tried my best not to, I broke down and cried. I was completely helpless. He was out there somewhere, right at this moment, doing something potentially dangerous - and I had no idea where to even start looking for him.

_It would be ironic, _I thought, trying to console myself, _if he's fallen in love with an Australian surfer girl and hasn't come back to work because he simply can't bear to be without her_.

Out of desperation, I woke my cell phone from its slumber and tried to call Lysander - but as expected, it went straight to voicemail because he had turned it off. I tossed my useless phone aside. It slid across my bed and clattered onto the floor.

_I wish Castiel was here. He would know exactly what to do._

It felt like I had done this before: cried alone in my room, driven myself crazy with worry because of something stupid an equally stupid boy had done - all the while wishing a different boy would swoop in and help...

_I have to help myself, now. No one else can. I know the answer - I know I do..._

Perhaps the answer was with Castiel after all. I recollected his last email, hoping he had dropped me a hint.

"_I can't believe Lysander hasn't told you what he's been doing. Just ask him and he'll show you. He's already sent me pictures."_

An epiphany struck me, sending me hurtling down the hallway to the boys' room. "Nathaniel!" I called through the door. "Lysander's birthday was last month!"

Nathaniel opened the door to hear me better. He, too, had just come back from the showers, his hair still damp. I must have interrupted him while he was getting dressed; he was wearing a clean pair of jeans, but no shirt. "What does Lysander's birthday have to do with anything, Candace?"

"Because he's eighteen now!" I was too exhilarated to be abashed by his half-nakedness. "What can you do when you're eighteen that you couldn't do before?"

He frowned and blinked, glancing up at the ceiling. "Uh...vote?"

For a Student Council President with a 4.0, he could be kind of dim sometimes. "Yeah, that's totally it, Nathaniel. He's been sneaking away to _vote _for a few hours every day. You _nailed _it!"

I knew he hated it when I resorted to sarcasm. "What's your suggestion, then?" he huffed angrily, turning around the white t-shirt he'd accidentally put on backwards.

"I'll bet you anything he's getting a tattoo," I surmised. "Castiel told me once that he's always wanted one, but he can't get one back home because Leigh thinks they're tacky. But now that's he's here, he has spending money, and he's away from adult supervision - even though he _shouldn't _be..." I added bitterly.

Nathaniel's face changed from annoyed to astonished. "Candace, you're a _genius_! Why didn't I think of that?"

Off we rushed to the rec room to consult my old friend the Internet. We soon found out that there was only one tattoo parlor within five miles of the hostel; that _had _to be it.

Nathaniel fetched me the cordless phone from behind the front desk. "Wait a second," he thought aloud as I dialed the number listed on the website. "What kind of seedy tattoo parlor stays open on Christmas Eve?"

"Apparently, Albatross Design does. It's an automated message," I told him, holding the phone in the crook of my neck, "but it says they have extended holiday hours that include today until 6PM." I scribbled the address onto the back of my hand. "It's not far from here. I can walk."

"Alright, let's go check it out," Nathaniel agreed, following me out into the lobby.

"You're coming too, Nathaniel?" I was confused. "I didn't think you'd want to go after him, after what he said the other night..."

"Of course I'm coming with you. Anywhere you go, I want to be there." He smiled shyly and held out his hand.

His willingness filled me with hope. Four eyes were better than two; I stood a much better chance of finding Lysander with Nathaniel along to help. "Yeah!" I high-fived his outstretched hand. "Let's go save Lysander! Let's go save _Christmas_!" I cheered as I pushed through the doors.

Nathaniel sighed and shook his head.


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29: Brodie**

Albatross Design was not at all what I'd expected. T.V. and movies had taught me that tattoo parlors were supposed to be dingy, poorly lit, and smell permanently of cigarette butts and regret. Albatross Design was more like a tattoo _office_, complete with a waiting area and a receptionist. Granted, the chairs of the waiting area were upholstered in red leather, the reading material was almost exclusively tattoo or motorcycle related, and the the receptionist had gauges in his earlobes the girth of tangerines - but I was still impressed.

"Happy Christmas!" the receptionist greeted us, looking up from his computer monitor. "Are you Gemma's three o'clock?"

I glanced at Nathaniel, giving him a _let-me-do-the-talking _look. "No, we're just here for moral support. Is Lysander still back there?" I asked, hoping he wouldn't detect the uncertainty behind my question.

"Sure is, poor bloke. She's had him pinned down back there for _hours_. Should be nearly done now, though." He motioned for us to follow him through a closed door.

I held out my fist to give Nathaniel a silent _I-told-you-so _fist bump, which he grudgingly returned.

On the other side of the door, the whirring buzz sound of the electric needle was deafening. A female tattoo artist - Gemma, I assumed - whose arms were adorned with red, pink, and black lotus blooms, was concentrating on the final touches of the massive tattoo, blotting away ink and blood with a swatch of gauze. And there, laying on his stomach on a modified dentist's chair, was Lysander.

_See_, I told myself, _he's fine. He's not getting high on paint fumes. He's not hustling pickup basketball games. He's not getting run over by a car. He's not even chasing after flirtatious surfer girls._

_He's just letting that stranger carve into him with a needle, that's all._

Gemma turned off the needle and the buzzing suddenly stopped. She stood to better examine her work. "Alright, looks like you're finally finished, darling. I'll go get you an aftercare kit." She excused herself as she squeezed between Nathaniel and I.

Lysander exhaled and relinquished his grip on the edges of the reclining chair. As he sat up and stretched, he looked towards the doorway, probably mildly curious as to who Gemma had just been talking to. When he saw me standing there waving at him, he flinched and gasped simultaneously, almost slipping off the edge of the chair. "Oh my _God_, Candace. How do you keep _finding _me?"

I laughed, which, of course, made Nathaniel roll his eyes. While I was more relieved than angry, Nathaniel was not as easily pacified. "Don't tell me you applied for this internship just so you could get a _tattoo_," Nathaniel lectured.

"No - it just worked out that way. I took for granted how long it would take," he defended himself. His gaze shifted from Nathaniel to me. "I put the money down for it before I knew Nathaniel would get sick. I... I never meant to leave you alone for so long. Castiel's been giving me a hard time about it, too. Before we left, he made me promise I'd look after you. I owe him an apology for not keeping that promise - him _and _you, Candace."

"I'm just glad you're okay, Lysander." I sat next to him and wrapped my arms around him. "Christmas is _saved_!"

"Yeah, _ow_," he barked, gently pushing me away. "It's still kind of sore."

"I'm so sorry - I forgot!" I put my hands in the air in mock surrender. "Can I see it?"

"Of course." He turned around so I could see it better. "Tell me what you think."

It was a pair of wings - symmetrical, perfectly aligned, and painstakingly drawn in black ink into the smooth skin of Lysander's back. These were unlike any wings I had ever seen before. For the most part, they consisted of colorless feathers, like those of a dove or perhaps an angel - but interlaced among the feathers were butterfly and dragonfly wings, and from the center hung the tail feathers of a peacock. There were only hints of subtle color - orange in a few of the monarch butterfly's wing segments, indigo and green in the eyes of the peacock feathers. I could tell the lower leftmost part was the newest because of the way it glistened, the flesh that served as its canvas pink and irritated.

I found myself gently tracing the feathered wings with my finger.

Just like I did to Dake.

A memory came rushing back - the faded brown ink of his shark tattoo, the smell of sea salt, the creaking sound of the railing, the feel of his lips, the taste -

I flinched and took my hand back, accidentally letting out a gasp.

"What's the matter?" I heard Lysander's voice say.

For a moment, I'd completely forgotten where and when I was. "Nothing," I said quickly, thankful that he wouldn't see my face as I blushed. "It really is beautiful."

"Thanks. I wanted to bring it here since I learned we were going to Australia; it's supposed to be one of the best in the world. I wouldn't trust anyone but the best with one of my own designs."

I was in awe. "You designed it yourself, Lysander?" I wondered if this is what he was he was always so busy sketching back at school.

Nathaniel tisked disapprovingly. "I'll be outside, Candace," he mumbled impatiently, and left.

"Nathaniel, wait a minute -" I tried to say, but he was already gone.

Gemma reentered the room to tell Lysander about the precautions he should take with his new tattoo.

I went back out in search of Nathaniel, but almost collided head-on with another patron of Albatross Design. He looked to be about our age - and I could tell right away from his tan and his sun-bleached hair that he was a surfer. The flesh that wasn't covered by his tight-fitting athletic shirt was a mosaic of tattoos - a sea turtle in a rainbow coral reef, an elaborate celtic knot, a seven-pointed star.

_I guess this is Gemma's three o'clock._

He was small, the same height at me; his gray-green eyes met mine without me having to crane my neck. "Hey. Don't I know you from somewhere?" he asked in the singsong Australian cadence I so admired.

_Was that supposed to be a pickup line?_

"I sincerely doubt it. I'm kind of not from around here." I hoped he would notice my accent and drop the act. I realized that I was only a few inches from his face and took a step back, suddenly embarrassed.

He remained adamant, furrowing his brows in mock concentration. "No, I'm almost sure of it! I know I've seen you somewhere before!" If anything, the foreignness of my accent seemed to reaffirm that he knew me. "Funny I should run into you at a place like this - and on Christmas Eve. Why don't we go get a drink and you can help me figure it out?"

Australian boys, it would seem, were not very subtle. But I already knew that from experience.

"On Christmas Eve? You're out of your mind."

I thought for sure that would shut him up, but he remained unfazed. "Boxing Day, then? Come out to Warmouth Beach for the surf competition. I can get you into the after party."

He didn't give me the chance to tell him no before Lysander came to join me, his tattoo bandaged and his shirt back on.

"Oh, right!" The surfer clenched his calloused fingers around mine in an intense handshake. "I'm Brodie. I'll see you Boxing Day, then. Happy Christmas, Candy. Happy Christmas, mate!" He gave Lysander an inappropriately hard slap on the back.

"Ow!" Lysander exclaimed. He called Brodie a nasty expletive under his breath.

"Who was that guy?" Nathaniel asked me when Lysander and I met up with him outside. He must have been watching the whole exchange from the window.

I didn't answer him. In fact, his question didn't even register at first. I was too preoccupied wondering how the surfer knew my name.

_I think I just met a friend of Dake's._


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30: Holiday Greetings**

Christmas Day was meant to be restful. Lysander, Nathaniel, me, and six relatively quiet Japanese college students had the entire youth hostel to ourselves. No chores were done. No rooms were cleaned. No dishes were washed. I observed the holiday tradition of staying in my pajamas until well past noon, changing only when Belinda stopped by to drop off ham and applesauce for lunch. She was relieved to see Lysander had finally returned, but I could tell it was hard for her to stifle her anger in the name of Peace on Earth.

As I was digging through the compartments of my suitcase looking for something clean to wear, I found the 'time capsule' present Auntie had packed for me - a silver package tied with a shimmery green ribbon. I was excited to finally open it, but my real Christmas present would come one day late this year. If Brodie was who I thought he was, he'd reunite me with Dake tomorrow, and everything that was impossible before would suddenly become possible.

It really was a Christmas miracle.

A shirtless Lysander knocked on my door and asked if I would help him treat his tattoo with a moisturizing ointment, rousing me from my Dake-induced daydream.

"_Ooh_, Merry Christmas to _me_," I giggled, pulling him into the room.

"Shut up, Candace," he laughed, mischievously shoving back. "You're such a tease. It's no wonder Castiel can't get you out of his head."

Hearing Lysander mention Castiel's name gave me an indescribable feeling - sort of like guilt, but with an inexplicable butterflies-in-the-tummy tingle. "I've been meaning to ask you about that, Lys."

"I know, and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have dropped it on you like that," Lysander acknowledged. "Everything I said that night was way out of line."

I smiled at the floor and took up his canister of ointment. "It's okay, Lysander. But just for good measure, we probably shouldn't mention it to Cas until I can talk to him myself." I needed to sort out my own feelings before I could even begin to understand Castiel's.

"That'd probably be best," Lysander agreed, then fell silent as I spread a thin layer of cream over his new wings. He was distracted by the shiny package I'd tossed onto the bed, and the matter of Castiel's feelings was dropped completely. "What's that?"

"It's from my Auntie. She packed it for me before we left."

"Oh, I think I know what it is. Go ahead and open it. I want to see it."

Although my curiosity was overwhelming, I opened the glitter-filled card tied to the outside of the package first, smearing the textured paper with residual tattoo ointment. Tucked inside was a decent amount of Australian spending money, and written in Auntie's loop-de-loop handwriting was a message:

_To my darling niece -_

_I'm sorry I can't be with you, but I just know you're having all kinds of fun with your friends._

_These are hard to come by in Sweet Amoris this time of year, but Leigh had something special put away just for you! I hope you like it!_

_I love you, and I can't wait to hear all about your internship when you get back!_

_Merry Christmas, Sweetie!_

I untied the package's neat little bow and tore open the paper. Inside was not just a sundress, but the _perfect _sundress - kelly green, strapless, eyeleted, fitted at the waist with a sash. Just the thing for a scorching green Christmas in Brisbane.

I was so thoroughly delighted I made Lysander wait in the hallway while I changed into it right then and there. I re-opened the door for the dramatic reveal, striking and unnecessarily theatrical pose.

To my surprise, Nathaniel had joined Lysander, standing right beside him, a puzzled look on his face. He must have come to investigate why I suddenly ejected a greased-up shirtless Lysander from my room.

"Oh, hey, Nathaniel..."

"New dress, Candace?"

"Yes it is." I swished it from side to side. "Apparently, Leigh picked it out for me. How does he know what size I wear, Lysander?"

Lysander smiled, slightly embarrassed. "I can't explain it. It's like a sixth sense he has."

Nathaniel motioned for me to turn around. He took up the end pieces of the sash I'd left untied, knotting them into a bow in the middle of my back.

"There," he said in a near-whisper. "_Now _it's perfect."

_It seems like we've done this before_, I wanted to say out loud, but thought better of it at the last minute. Just as I was thinking of Nathaniel coming to my rescue when my bikini top had come undone in the waves last summer, a shrill ringing cut through the air, interrupting the flashback.

"Now I _know _that's not just in my head," Nathaniel said, more to himself than anyone else.

I followed the noise under my bed and reached for my cell phone, remembering that it had fallen there the last time I tried to use it.

"It's Castiel," I said aloud. I looked to Lysander for an explanation, but he could offer nothing more helpful than a shrug.

I wasn't sure exactly, but I figured it had to be either extremely late at night or extremely early in the morning back home. What could he possibly need from me at this hour? Was everything okay? Was he just calling to say Merry Christmas? That didn't seem like Castiel.

I answered and brought the phone to my ear, hoping neither Nathaniel nor Lysander would notice I was trembling. "Cas? Is that you?"

On the other end of the line, I heard muffled voices and rustling noises.

I let out a nervous laugh, realizing he'd only pocket-dialed me.

_I'd better hang up, or this will be the most expensive pocket dial ever._

But the rustling became more distinctive, and the sounds the voices made more...heated. I recognized Castiel's voice, but there was a second voice I couldn't quite make out.

A girl's voice.

Castiel moaned her name: "Amber..."


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31: Twister**

A gray-purple-green mist clouded the edges of my field of vision. I felt myself slipping away into a comfortable numbness, but Nathaniel's voice, though just a distant whirring sound at first, dragged me back.

"Candace, what did he _say_?" he repeated exasperatedly.

"Hm? What?" I was somehow sitting on my bed, Lysander perched next to me, Nathaniel kneeling on the ground in front of me. Both were poised to catch me, as though they were afraid I would pass out.

_Control yourself. They can't know._

I'd betrayed Nathaniel by needlessly spreading around his darkest secret. If I could avoid doing the same thing to Castiel, I would.

_But she's Nathaniel's sister. And he's Lysander's best friend. And she's sixteen years old. And Castiel is my..._

My hands constricted around the edges of the cot, desperate to hold onto something.

_Whatever Castiel is to me, he's mine - and not Amber's._

_I hate her._

_And right now, I kind of hate him, too._

I cleared my throat. "It was Cas. I didn't talk to him, though. He just pocket dialed me by accident."

Nathaniel was incensed. "He only pocket dialed you - and you almost _fainted_?"

Lysander's eyes knew better. They narrowed and regarded me suspiciously. "What did you hear, then?" he asked carefully.

"Look, I don't know _what _he was doing," I finally admitted. "I'm just worried about him, that's all. It was weird."

It was half true; I didn't know _exactly _what Castiel was doing with (or to) Amber - but if I had to guess, I wouldn't say they were playing Connect Four.

_Maybe it was just a particularly involved game of Twister..._

"I'm fine, you guys," I insisted. "It was probably a movie or something in the background." I knew they wouldn't buy that; I wished I could make myself believe it.

Nathaniel and Lysander left only after I said I wanted to change out of my new dress and promised to meet them downstairs to play cards after a while. There was no reason to keep up the pretense once I was finally alone. The thought of Castiel and Amber together was enough to make me sick - and it did. It was all I could do to get to the wastebasket in time.

_Leave it to Castiel to take my breath away, even after everything else... First Nathaniel goes through withdrawal, then Lysander disappears...and now Castiel...I don't even know._

_It's a pandemic; all the boys have gone crazy._

At least Dake would be coming back into my life tomorrow. Dake, the object of my most sincere and overwhelming desire. Dake, the mythical godlike creature who had given me the gift of his presence once. I didn't even know what I would say or what I would do when I found him. All I knew was that I needed him desperately.

The nausea subsided once my stomach was voided. I slowly opened my eyes to assess the damage.

_Yeah, I'm definitely going to have to wash this dress now..._


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32: The Surfer in White**

On the morning of Boxing Day, while my dress tumbled dry in the laundry room, I mapped out the most efficient bus route to Warmouth Beach. I hoped I wouldn't look too mismatched in my green dress, the beaded straps of my purple bikini conspicuously exposed.

I slipped away unnoticed before Nathaniel and Lysander were even awake.

_This will now be known_, I laughed to myself, _as 'pulling a Lysander.'_

I didn't care about tomorrow. I didn't care about what would happen when I returned to Sweet Amoris. Today, there was no Sweet Amoris - no Nathaniel, no Lysander, no Castiel, and certainly no Amber. There was only the ocean, and Dakota, who waited for me there.

Including the walk to the bus station and the changeover I had to make halfway, it would take almost two hours to get there. I brought a paperback copy of _Watership Down_with me, but I couldn't even get through one page. I was too fascinated by the Australian city as it passed by the bus window, gradually fading into suburbs. Before too long, I caught glimpses of blue-gray ocean stretching out beyond the shoreside towns.

When I got off at the Warmouth Beach stop, the competition - the Queensland Midwinter Surf Championships, apparently sponsored by a line of surf apparel I'd never heard of - was already in full swing. The beach was crowded with people: families with children, teenagers clustered together in threes and fours, and hairy men with coolers of Fosters. There were even photographers and camera crews poised to capture the action. I sought shade and seclusion in an out-of-the-way shadow of the broadcasting tent.

I read the color-coded roster that listed the results of the last four rounds, ranking the participants as follows:

_1. Farrows, Isaac_  
_2. Halloran, Dakota_  
_3. Ainsley, Brodie_  
_4. Ogawa, Hiroki_  
_5. Steele, Zach_

The scores that followed each name meant nothing to me, but my heart leapt when I found Dake's name in the second-place slot. This meant that he was here. He was real. As I looked around at the other spectators, I wondered if Dake's parents were among them.

_Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Halloran! My name is Candace. I made out with your son one time, and it was totally awesome. Hope you guys had a fun Christmas!_

From inside the tent, the commentators tapped the microphones to make sure they were turned on. "Welcome back, surfies," boomed a masculine voice. "We'll now begin the fifth and final round of the Queensland Midwinter Surf Championships, men's division. As it stands, hometown favorite Isaac Farrows is in the lead, followed closely by Brzzie's Dakota Halloran."

Along the shore, the five surfers lined up in order, each in a different color rash guard and tethered by the ankle to a longboard.

_There he is!_

Dake was unmistakable. Even if he hadn't been wearing white, in my eyes, he was glistening. He towered at least six inches over the others, a whole foot taller than Brodie in orange.

"I'll be honest, I was pleasantly surprised," chided in a second sportscaster, this one female. "Halloran is dead set on taking this round. If he does, returning champion Isaac Farrows' title is as good as his."

At the sound of an air horn, the competitors paddled out into the surf, arm-over-arm, chest-to-board. Once they were far enough, they waited, sitting upright, straddling their boards. It was no wonder Dake said there were no waves on the beach back home. Compared to the churning Queensland sea, Sweet Amoris was as still as a kiddy pool. I was getting dizzy just from watching Dake's white dot bobbing up and down in the turbulent waves.

Even from my comfortable spot, the roar of the waves was deafening. The wind added to the noise, hissing as it blew over the spray. I could only imagine what it was like for Dake; he probably couldn't hear anything over the roar. Perhaps this was why he and Brodie seemed to talk louder than my Sweet Amoris friends.

Suddenly, the white dot disappeared underneath a deep blue swell. One by one, the other colored dots ducked under the water, too.

"Looks like they're all going for a wave Halloran sees," noted the female commentator. "It's an all-out paddle battle to see who can get inside first."

I had no idea what was going on. I cursed myself for being too smitten to pay attention when Dake was trying to teach me about surfing last summer.

Dake was the first to emerge at the crest of what would soon become a formidable fifteen-foot wave. The other surfers reappeared anticlimactically behind the wave, unable to drop in on it; Dake already owned it. At precisely the right moment, Dake got to his feet and rode down its length. With an outstretched hand, he confidently brushed the surface of the blue-green wall, leaving a trail of sparkling water in his wake. He snaked up to the top of the wave and back down again, as effortlessly as an experienced skateboarder in a half-pipe.

Both commentators marveled at his form. Dake made it look so easy - so freeing. I understood now why he so loved the sport.

"It looks like Halloran can contend with Farrows' lead thanks to that last run," concluded the male announcer, "but will it be enough to snag first place?"

As the wave lost momentum, Dake leaned into the white spray shoulder-first, sending his blue-and-white board into the air.

A second air horn blast signaled the end of the round.

Dake and Brodie slowly paddled to shore and were met there by ten or fifteen other surfer-types who offered high-fives, fist-bumps, and back-slapping hugs.

This was the moment I'd been waiting for, and now that it was here, it was as if my feet were buried in the sand. I was unable to move.

"The results are in!" announced the chipper female commentator. "In fifth place, Hiroki Ogawa. In fourth place, Brodie Ainsley. In third place, Zach Steele. In second place..."

Everyone on the beach took a collective breath in.

"...Isaac Farrows, which of course leaves first place to -"

The rest of the commentary was drowned out by Dake and Brodie's group of friends as they hooted and cheered, chanting Dake's name.

_It feels like I'm watching the end of a sports movie_, I thought to myself as a smile spread across my face. _Now that he's won the big game, all that's left to do is get the girl._

I swallowed, nodded to reassure myself, and started walking towards him.

Brodie was first to see me. He burst out laughing - not _at me_, but at what was surely about to happen. "Sorry my Christmas prezzy was late this year," I heard him yell into Dake's ear.

I was close enough to see him clearly now: blond hair tangled and dripping, rash guard clinging to his wet skin, dark tattoos visible underneath. Dake turned to look where Brodie was pointing. His eyes, as vibrantly turquoise as I remembered from that summer day, found mine.

"Hey, Dake," I heard my own voice say shyly.

The noise around me died down to a dull roar, like listening to a conch shell. My heart stopped beating.

Dake seemed unable to blink, even as salt water ran into his eyes.

The cheering of Dake's friends changed to jeers and scandalous _ooh_s.

"Are you gonna kiss her, mate," Brodie joked, "or are you just gonna stare at her?"


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter 33: Cause for Celebration**

After all this time worrying and wondering, there he was, right in front of me.

He and I stood at arm's length from each other. I waited for him to make the first move. I still wasn't sure what he was thinking. He looked me up and down, as if trying to decide something.

I wanted so badly for him to hug me, but he didn't.

He lunged at me and swept me off my feet. Cradling me in his arms, he kissed my lips hard, filling my mouth with the familiar taste of salt water. Even as the cold wetness of his swim trunks and rash guard bled into my own clothes, I'd never felt so warm. I ran my fingers through his tangled hair, gently pulling it, enticing him further into the kiss I had waited so long to give him.

He tore away from the kiss to breathe my name, resting his forehead on mine. "Candy..." A bright smile parted his lips - the smile that I had been yearning for. Sunlight shone through his blond lashes, turning them gold.

I smiled, too, letting out a sputtering laugh. "Dake, I missed you so much." I felt a solitary tear slip out when I blinked my eyes. Embarrassed, I wiped it away. It touched my heart that he would kiss me in front of everybody he knew.

Dake's friends were beside themselves, some applauding, some yelling wisecracks.

"Aren't you going to introduce us, Dake?" one of them asked cheekily.

Dake reluctantly returned me to my feet. It was a good thing he held onto me with an arm around my shoulder, or my knees would have buckled. "Candy, these are my surfing mates!" He rattled off a list of names so fast an auctioneer would be impressed. I could barely hear him over the sound of my heart pounding in my ears, and I couldn't memorize their faces as I blinked back tears. "That's Joshua, and that's Danny, and that's Dezzie, and that's _other _Joshua, that's Paul, that's Skyler - and Luke, Aiden, and Greg, and that's Bertram - but everyone calls him Skippy - and I guess you've already had the pleasure of meeting _that _one."

_That _one, of course, was Brodie, an ear-to-ear grin plastered on his face. He pulled me into an awkward half-hug. "I _knew _it. I _knew _it was you, and I _knew _you'd come out today - if you were half as amazing as Dake says you are, anyway."

I looked up to see Dake's reaction. I detected a tinge of blush on his cheeks, but his tan disguised it well.

_Dake told his friends about me?_

Briefly, I recalled the last day of summer, when I'd shared the memory of Dake with a new friend: Castiel.

I pushed Castiel out of my mind as quickly as I could. I didn't want to deal with him today. Today was for Dake.

"But how did you recognize me, Brodie?" I wanted to know.

Brodie smiled wider. "Dake can show you that - later."

'_Show' me? What does he mean by that?_

Dake ripped off the velcro strap that kept him attached to his surfboard. "Come on, Candy. We have celebrating to do."

"Because you won the championship, right?"

"No, because you're back!"


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter 34: Rip Tide**

Dake was the only one tall enough to secure the surfboards to the roof rack of Brodie's small SUV. Once everything was strapped in, we headed back towards Brisbane. The air conditioner was broken; Brodie rolled down all the windows so that the wind ripped through our hair as we sped down the freeway.

Dake leaned forward from his solitary seat in the back, bringing his face close to mine. "You never told me what you're doing here in Australia on the day after Christmas. Don't tell me you came all the way here because of me."

I smiled, shifting in my seat to explain into his ear, "I wish I could say I did, but no, some friends and I applied for this internship..." I gave him an abridged explanation of my presence in Australia and my stay at the Loving Arms.

"Loving Arms? In Brisbane? I walk by that place almost every day. To think - we've been within meters of each other this whole time."

After a little more than an hour, Brodie turned down a quiet, verdant cul-de-sac and came to a stop in the driveway of a house with peachy-pink siding. It was one of very few houses with no net lights on the shrubs and no Christmas tree on display in the window.

"Is this your house, Brodie?" Until now, it hadn't even occurred to me to ask where we were going. I was just elated to be with Dake - it didn't matter where.

Dake chuckled at my naïveté. "No, it's mine," he answered, leaning in to kiss my cheek.

The paint, carpet, and wallpaper were coordinating blues, pinks, and seafoam greens that dated the house to the early nineties. While Dake showered and changed his clothes, I nosed around the photos and knickknacks on display in the formal dining room. I resisted the urge to look through the blue baby album that collected dust next to a ceramic dolphin wedding cake topper. My heart melted when I found a framed picture of a blond toddler being pulled along the beach on a boogie board, smiling a toothlessly.

The only thing that looked out-of-place was about six months of mail stacked on the table.

"Dake, where are your parents?" I asked when he reemerged, toweling his hair dry. Unbound by an elastic, it hung down to his shoulders.

"Florida - where my Mum's from. She has dual citizenship. She and my Dad are teaching at a university there. They wanted me to go with them, but the surfing's much better here. They let me stay by myself, so long as I check in with them a few times a week - and my uncle. They say he's a good influence on me, since he works with high school kids."

I was suddenly overwhelmed by how little I actually knew about Dakota Halloran. "You're half American?"

The question seemed to amuse him. "Yeah, I guess you could say that."

"Is that why you're named after an American state?" I pried.

"I never thought about it. You're cute when you say smart things." He nuzzled the tip of my nose, sneaking in for a kiss.

Even as Dake kissed me, my mind wandered. _He's_ _never thought about his own name? Maybe he hit his head on a rock or a coral reef..._

He pulled out of the kiss, motioning for me to follow him into the kitchen. "Are you hungry, Candy?"

I hadn't eaten anything that day, and according to the clocks on the kitchen appliances, it was already 6PM. I was famished. "Kind of," I admitted shyly.

While Dake clanked around in the kitchen, opening and closing cabinets, I drifted into the living room, lured there by a brightly-lit wall-mounted saltwater aquarium. The multicolored tropical fish were unaffected when I gently tapped the glass.

"Mum's a marine biologist," Dake explained, offering me a slice of toast.

"That's amazing," I said admiringly. "I should have guessed." I took a slice and unquestioningly took a bite. I expected peanut butter or margarine, but whatever was spread on the toast tasted like something that had been caught in the fish tank's filter. "Ugh, what _is _this?"

"Vegemite. You don't like it?"

"Are you kidding?" I grimaced. "It's like...congealed stomach acid." I'd always considered myself easy to please when it came to food, but even I had standards.

Dake laughed as he swallowed. "I can make you something else," he offered sweetly.

We were interrupted by a knock at the front door. I recognized the newcomer as one of Dake's friends from the beach, but I had no idea which one. He'd brought with him a twenty-four pack of canned beer - and six or seven of his own friends. Dake didn't seem pleased when they rolled a keg into his parents' kitchen.

"You're not still on that no-more-alcohol soap box, are you, Dake?" asked Dezzie sarcastically. Or maybe that was one of the Joshuas. I wasn't sure.

"It's just not a good idea," said Dake in an uncharacteristically serious tone.

"Come on, Dake," Brodie goaded as he rummaged through Mr. and Mrs. Halloran's alcohol cabinet. "Let's toast your victory with a drink! If _I _can be a gracious loser, _you _can be a gracious winner."

Before too long, Dake's house was full of surfers - male and female. I caught Brodie ogling a lonely blue-eyed surfer girl with feathers and beads woven into her long brown hair. Someone plugged in an iHome and cued up a familiar techno song.

This was very quickly turning into a house party.

"Won't the neighbors complain about the noise?" I asked Brodie as he sloshed something in a cocktail shaker.

"Which neighbor, Ronnie? Nah, Ronnie's here," he said dismissively. He poured the concoction into a shot glass and presented it to me. It smelled like antifreeze and was the same phosphorescent blue color.

I found my way back to Dake, who was looking increasingly anxious as more people turned up. "Don't drink that," he begged when he saw the shot glass in my hand. "He calls it a Rip Tide. Just two of those used to be enough to make _me _half-rotten."

I felt guilty for accepting the shot in the first place - and even worse for almost drinking it. "You don't drink, Dake?"

"No. Not since..." He let the thought trail off unfinished.

I caught a glimpse of the feathers-and-beads surfer girl, still by herself in a corner. She'd probably been dragged here by a friend; it didn't look like she knew anybody else. "I have a better idea," I told Dake with a wink. I carefully wove through the crowded room and held out the antifreeze shot for her to take.

"What's this?" she asked suspiciously.

"It's from my friend over there." I indicated Brodie, who was throwing back something he'd mixed in and old-fashioned. "The surfer in orange. He's had his eye on you all night."

She took the tiny shot glass from me, scrutinizing Brodie with squinted eyes. "What's his name again?"

"Brodie. Maybe say hi to him before you leave," I suggested. "I bet it would make his night."

She shrugged, gave an indifferent "cheers," and swallowed the contents of the shot glass in one gulp.

I felt a hand on my shoulder. "If it's getting too noisy out here, I can show you my room," Dake whispered in my ear.

My heart rate skyrocketed.

I nodded yes.


	35. Chapter 35

**Chapter 35: Behind and Underneath**

The door closed behind us.

Navy blue curtains blocked out the fading evening light. As my eyes adjusted, I noticed surfboards of varying lengths and colors propped against a chest of drawers. The cerulean walls were riveted with tiny holes from years of putting up and taking down posters. Dake's unmade bed was huge, but that shouldn't have been surprising, since he was six feet tall.

Both of us stood in silence - staring, blushing, trying to give our out-of-control hearts a chance to slow down. He appeared to be feeling the same kaleidoscope of emotion that I was feeling: uncertainty, awkwardness, giddy delight, and desire that burned hotter and brighter than everything else combined.

When our mutual desire boiled over, we collided and became entangled in each others' arms, once again tasting the sweet anguish of each others' kisses.

He lifted me off my feet and carried me to his bed. Tenderly, he laid me down and settled in next to me.

I had to remind myself to breathe, taking slow, rattling breaths in and out.

He cradled my head in his hand and tempted me with another kiss. The fingers of his other hand wove tightly into mine, squeezing harder as the kiss intensified. When he could squeeze no harder, let go of my hand to trace my profile in the half-light, his fingertips barely touching me. It sent shivers up and down my spine and rose goosebumps on the surface of my skin.

"Dake..."

My teeth prickled and itched, yearning to feel the flesh of Dake's neck and collarbone. I relished the astounded sigh he let out when I dragged my fingernails up his back, pulling his shirt off over his head.

Just as I leaned in to kiss his neck, he faltered, suddenly sitting up straight. He pulled the chain of the lamp on his bedside table, flooding my eyelids with light. "Candy, do you promise not to laugh?" he asked breathlessly.

His face was temporarily hidden behind a purple-orange smudge. I fluttered my eyelashes impatiently. "Laugh at what?"

"At what I'm about to show you."

I stopped blinking, meeting his plaintive gaze. "I promise you."

He took a deep breath in and turned around, revealing a tattoo he didn't have when I first met him. It was the only one of his tattoos in full-color, emblazoning his left shoulder blade in red, gray, and blue. I squinted at it, willing the image to focus, regretting leaving my glasses behind.

It was a mermaid, looking forlornly off into the distance, basking on a jagged gray rock in the middle of an angry ocean. She was framed in sea spray as a blue wave crashed into her lonely rock. The wind swept her hair into red-orange swirls that billowed around her face. She was in profile, and of course two-dimensional, and perhaps some of her features were exaggerated, but...

"Is she...?"

"She's you, Candy. Or, she's as I described you to a tattoo artist when I got drunk one night a few months back. I was lucky I ended up at Albatros Design, or else it wouldn't have turned out near as good. It was Gemma's idea to make you a mermaid."

This didn't add up. "You were..._drunk_?"

"I don't drink anymore," he clarified. "Not since that night. I... I wanted to forget you at first, Candy. I thought I could drown out the memory of you with booze. I got drunk and pashed some girl. I mean, I've pashed a _lot _of girls. _So _many girls..."

Disgust and wild jealousy welled up in the back of my throat.

_Why is he telling me this?_

He hung his head, pulling his fingers through his hair. "I can't even remember any of their names. But you, Candy -" He turned round to face me again. "...I remember _everything _about you. Your face. Your voice. Your laugh. I guess... I was afraid of what you made me feel. So I got drunk and ended up getting your face tattooed on my back. Because I want to carry you with me, wherever I go."

I was speechless.

Dake rolled his shoulder forward and craned his neck to glance back at his mermaid. "Brodie was so impressed with how she turned out, he wanted Gemma to touch up _his _tattoos - and he says that's where he ran into you." Dake's usual self shone through in a coy smile. "What I want to know is what _you _were doing at a tattoo parlor in Brisbane on Christmas Eve. Did you get one, too?" His eyes searched my skin for the non-existent tattoo.

Laughing, lest I burst into tears, I grinned cheesy grin. "I don't need a tattoo, Dake. You've already made a permanent impression on my heart."

Dake laughed, too - an earnest, soothing laugh that told me he understood. He recognized the beads of my bikini top, touching one of the straps fondly. He crept closer and closer, until I felt him breathing into my ear. He found the knot that held the halter top together - and pulled it apart. His other wandering hand found the zipper in the back of my dress, hovering there tentatively, not daring to unzip it yet.

I wanted him to.

A pounding on the door made us both jump.

"Dake, you'd better get out here, mate," yelled an unfamiliar voice.

Dake rolled his eyes. "Rack off, Aiden!"

"Seriously, Dake, there's these blokes -"

Dake looked at me longingly for a split second before he angrily rolled off the bed and opened the door. I followed behind him, my head spinning.

Aiden led us out into the living room, which was eerily quiet - not at all how we had left it.

We soon found out why.

Nathaniel and Lysander had crashed the house party.


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter 36: Splash**

Nathaniel was sweating through his t-shirt, surrounded on all sides by inebriated surfers.

He saw me come into the room behind a shirtless Dake, my hair tangled and the bikini top under my dress untied. From the dismayed look on his face, I could tell he assumed the worst—and so did the other revelers in the room, their slurred whispers and stifled laughs resounding in my ears, audible over the music that had been turned down to a murmur.

Both of Lysander's eyes were equally livid as he glared at me. He, too, was drenched in sweat, his asymmetrically cut hair clinging to his neck in wet tendrils. He stood silently beside Nathaniel. He had nothing to say to either Dake or me.

_How did they get here? How did they find me?_

I had been gone for less than twelve hours, but somehow it felt like days since I'd last seen them. I met both of their stares head-on, trying and failing to appear defiant and unafraid. "I'm fine, Lysander, Nathaniel. Look at me. I'm right here, and I'm fine." The words slipped out more and more rapidly, exposing me for the panicked ball of nerves I was.

Without a clipboard, Nathaniel didn't seem to know what to do with his hands. He reached out to me with one and let the other hang uselessly at his side. "We have to go now, Candace. They're waiting for us back at the hostel."

"I don't want to go back," I blurted without thinking. I couldn't go back to Reality, where I was second-best to a blonde with a spray tan and a bad attitude. Here, home with Dake, I was wanted. Needed.

_...Loved?_

"What am I supposed to tell Belinda?" Nathaniel retorted crossly. "We've been out looking for you all day. We can't go back without you."

He was right, of course. I had to tell Dake goodbye again, but I didn't want that moment to be now, under these circumstances. "I'm not going with you." I held my chest in a futile attempt to keep my heart from breaking. "_Please_," I beseeched him. "Just let me have tonight. I'll go back tomorrow."

_Let me do this, Nathaniel. Please, just let me tell him..._

Nathaniel looked me fully in the eyes for what might have been the first time since I'd met him, but only for a split second. "Candace... You have to." His copper eyes darted back towards the front door—the windows, the driveway outside. "We need to get out of here _now_, or—"

Dake could withstand no more. "She said she doesn't want to go with you, _mate_," he intervened. He squared his shoulders, his fingernails nervously raking the insides of his palms.

I knew Dake recognized Nathaniel from over the summer, and he remembered Nathaniel's reaction when he saw us together. It had been painfully obvious that Nathaniel liked me—or at least that he used to. Dake laughed about it then, but I could tell now that the laughter was part of a façade.

That exchange from months ago had made more of an impression on both boys than I originally thought.

Lysander finally spoke up. His voice was flat and emotionless. "We can't take her with us if she doesn't want to go," he said to Nathaniel. "Leave her." He must have been bitterly angry at me for seeking Dake, a complete stranger to him, in spite of Castiel's alleged feelings for me.

_...But he didn't hear what I heard when Castiel pocket dialed me. Castiel can't possibly feel for me the way Lysander says, not if he would do something like that with Amber.  
_

Nathaniel whirled around to face Lysander. "She didn't look the other way when _you _went missing," he shot back. "She's our responsibility. We're _not _just leaving her here."

"She's not _your _anything," Dake insisted. "She's..."

Dake looked at me. He did so differently than he had in the bedroom. These eyes weren't lustful. They told me he wanted me, but for a different reason.

I wanted him right back, in every way imaginable.

_Please don't let them take me away_, I begged him silently.

_Please don't go_, he begged back.

That was when Nathaniel made the mistake of taking a step towards me. His fingers closed around my forearm.

"Don't you _touch _her!" shouted Dake, hurling himself at Nathaniel.

Before Nathaniel could let go of my arm, I felt the impact of Dake's fist on his jaw as it reverberated through him and into me.

Nathaniel used the momentum to throw himself headfirst into Dake.

Since my eyes clamped themselves shut, I didn't see it happen. But I heard it. It was a sickening wet crunch. Blood exploded across Nathaniel's forehead when it was met by the bridge of Dake's nose, the bone and cartilage underneath buckling and snapping.

Dake was the first to go down. He didn't scream. He couldn't, because when he opened his mouth, blood poured out. Overwhelmed by pain and shock, he teetered backwards and was caught by the wall behind him.

Nathaniel was second. His grip on my arm loosened and he fell to his knees, holding his head in both hands. His shirt was covered in a scarlet spray of Dake's blood. I couldn't see his face.

Suddenly, it was bedlam—a sea of squirming bodies. Some ran past me to get out the front door. Some stayed behind to contribute to the brawl.

Two of Dake's drunk friends converged on Lysander. He would fall third. There was a loud smash as they threw him against the fish tank, shattering it. In the blink of an eye, a torrent of salt water spread over the entirety of the living room floor. Lysander and his attackers tumbled onto the shards of broken glass, as helpless as the tropical fish that flopped on the saturated carpet.

From outside came the wailing of a siren and blue-and-white flashing lights. The front door burst open.

_Who called the police?_ I wondered dazedly. _And h__ow did they get here so fast?_

"Get out of here, Candy!" a faceless voice barked. "You're underage, aren't you? Run—before they catch you!"

Every part of my body felt impossibly heavy. I couldn't run. I couldn't stand up straight. I couldn't hold my eyes open.

I was the last one down. I blacked out.


	37. Chapter 37

**Part IV**

**Trouble follows Candace home to Sweet Amoris, where Castiel has been up to no good in her absence. Springtime brings life-altering changes for everyone - including Dake. The fourth and final part (really this time) culminates at the Sweet Amoris High School prom. There will be dresses. There will be drama. There will be confessions of love - but from whom, and to what end?**

**Chapter 37:**** Forgetting**

_EMERSON, CANDACE LOUISA_  
_DOB: 01 MAY 1995, 17 YRS_  
_SX: F, HT: 155 CM, WT: 57 KG_  
_ST. ANDREW'S HOSPITAL_

I pulled at the bothersome bracelet, but I was too weak to tear the laminated paper from my wrist.

The chart hanging from the foot of my bed listed 'dehydration,' 'fatigue,' and 'anxiety' as what was wrong with me, but the real reason didn't have an associated check box.

_It's because I'm selfish, and anyone who dares get close to me only ends up getting hurt._

Nathaniel had a concussion and a nasty bruise forming on his face, but he seemed lucid enough, so they discharged him. With nowhere to go, he sat in the chair that faced my hospital bed, nervously jiggling his leg and chewing on his chapped lower lip. He had changed into a red t-shirt from last year's debate tournament; they probably disposed of the one splattered with Dake's blood.

Our packed suitcases from the youth hostel sat on the floor beside Nathaniel's chair. News of our involvement at the house-party-turned-fight that sent seven kids to Saint Andrew's did not go over very well with Belinda back at Loving Arms. We were ejected from the hostel and would be sent home as soon as Lysander and I were in one piece.

Of the three of us, Lysander was worst off. I hadn't seen him yet, but he was somewhere beyond the curtain that separated my bed from the rest of the emergency ward. Nathaniel told me he was cut in at least thirty places on his back and right side. They were mostly superficial cuts, but it would take around eighty stitches to sew them all shut. He must have been in tremendous pain - and his new wings were probably ruined.

Lysander's two assailants were being treated for similar injuries, but because they were drunk, their bodies languid, the cuts were neither as numerous nor as severe.

The sixth victim of the house party disaster was a dangerously drunk beads-and-feathers surfer girl, whose name I found out was Chelsea. For the first few hours of my hospitalization, she was in a curtained-off section right next to me. I had to listen as she was made to swallow liquid charcoal that would force the _nine _shots she took to come back up.

As for Dake...I had no idea. No one would tell me.

"I never knew your middle name was Louisa." Nathaniel was peeking at my chart. "It's pretty."

I didn't answer.

I checked the I.V. fluid bag that hung over my head. I was told I would be okay to leave shortly after it was empty. Right now, it was about half full. Really, I was the one who deserved Nathaniel's concussion and Lysander's lacerations. I deserved Dake's skull fracture. I deserved to be crawling around the living room of the Hallorans' house on my hands and knees, picking up each individual shard of broken glass with my bare fingers.

_Whatever Dake felt for me before, he can't feel that way now. Not after some other guy from my school broke his nose. With his head._

The monitor I was hooked up to quickened the pace of its ceaseless beeping as my brooding heart fluttered.

Nathaniel scooted his chair closer to me. "Candace, everything's going to be okay now. We can leave this whole thing behind us. We can forget about this nightmare and go back to our lives."

"Sure, Nathaniel."

After a few months, Nathaniel would be fine. He would go back to Student Council meetings and volunteer work and debate team and Quiz Bowl - and at the end of the year, he would graduate and move away to his dream college. He would forget.

Lysander couldn't forget. He would wear the scars forever.

Dake couldn't forget. Even if they fixed his nose so that he could again look like himself, my face would follow behind him until he got that tattoo removed.

And I couldn't forget. Dakota Halloran was my first kiss, my first love.

We left Australia before I got the chance to find him again and tell him goodbye.


	38. Chapter 38

**Chapter 38: Snow**

The town of Sweet Amoris was buried in it. It clung to bare tree limbs and crystallized, preserving them in a cold embrace. It melted on tongues and foreheads, disappearing into nothingness.

I trudged through inches of it that had built up in the community center's nearly-empty parking lot. I was the last to leave the ice rink after it closed for the night. A fresh blanket had long since covered the tire and boot tracks of the skaters who had already left.

I used to figure skate competitively, before Auntie and I moved. Dad first signed me up for lessons when I was little, hoping the company of other girls would be good for me. My useless talent gave me confidence, but I eventually outgrew it and chased more realistic dreams.

Now, my dreams of being with Dake were an impossibility, so I took to the ice again.

The first step onto the ice was always so liberating. I'd probably skated a thousand times or more, but it never failed to give me a feeling of elation. It was a much-needed escape from Auntie's ever-present disappointment at my recent expulsion from the study abroad program. Now, as I made my way home, my booted feet were uncooperative, craving the freedom of gliding on ice, reluctant to return to the normalcy of walking.

I didn't expect to see Castiel's Lumina parked at the wooded nature preserve. As I crunched closer, I recognized the unique imprint Castiel's favorite brand of sneakers made on the ground. Right beside them were paw prints. Both sets of tracks disappeared into the entrance of the hiking trail. They looked recent.

_What are they doing out here in the snow?_ I thought, wrapping my scarf tighter around my neck. _It's going to get dark soon._

My insatiable curiosity sent me after the tracks, following them under the tree branches that bowed and creaked with the added weight of icicles. I thought maybe Castiel knew about some secret place in the park that I had never seen before, but the tracks led down a fork that backed up against a well-kept subdivision.

The treeline ended just beneath a gentle hill. At its peak was a row of houses with fenced-in backyards. The lights shining through the windows cast long yellow rectangles across the unbroken sparkling whiteness. I followed the tracks along the trees until I found their sources: Demon and Castiel.

Demon sent streams of steam out of his nose and mouth as he panted. He was entertaining himself by diving headfirst into the inches-deep powder in pursuit of an imaginary rodent, clumps of ice clinging to his fur. When he heard my approach, his ears perked to a position of attention, his nose registering my smell. He bounded towards me like I was a long-lost relative and leapt up to my face to give me a slobbery kiss.

"I know, I missed you too, boy!" I squealed, fussing the thick fur around his neck with gloved hands.

Castiel flung the cigarette he was smoking away, the embers fizzling out as they were extinguished on the cold ground. He must have been freezing; he wore his usual leather jacket, but it was unzipped and he had only a tattered band t-shirt on underneath. Thick, wet flakes adhered to streaks of red hair that hid his eyes.

From this far away, I couldn't tell if he was happy to see me or not. He hadn't been there to meet Nathaniel, Lysander and I went we touched down at the airport—and neither had Amber.

I was suddenly overcome with dread, and I regretted ever coming to find him.

What happened to his best friend alone was justification enough for him to hate me. I also wondered if Lysander told him about my encounter with Dake.

_He would have had to, if he wanted to explain how he ended up with eighty stitches and a ruined tattoo..._

I had an agenda of my own, of course. I needed an explanation for what I accidentally overheard on Christmas night.

_Don't back down now. It has to be now. I need to know._

"Hey, Cas," I peeped.

He sighed and nodded. "Hey, Candy."

I gaped around, trying to find something to look at besides his face. "What are you doing back here?"

Castiel coughed. "My family used to live there." He pointed up to a handsome brick house that looked unoccupied.

I tilted my head to look up at the house. "You mean, your Mom and Dad?"

He nodded. "Yeah. When I got to be older, though, I guess they fell out of love. They were contemplating divorce when...when Mom died." He shook his wet hair out of his face. "I never told you what happened, did I?"

I shook my head no. He had never mentioned either of his parents to me before. What I knew about them I'd learned secondhand from Lysander.

_What does Castiel's dead mother have to do with anything...?_

Castiel held another cigarette to his lips. Remembering I was there with him, he re-pocketed his lighter and twiddled the unlit cigarette in frigid fingers, trembling with cold. He launched into a story. "I was twelve. Mom was home for Christmas that year, but Dad couldn't be there until later, because he was on a leg of international flights."

I nodded, remembering that Castiel's dad was an airline pilot.

"Towards the end, they tried to spend as little time together as possible. Whenever they were forced to be together, they would just end up fighting. Anyway, on Christmas Eve, Mom said she needed to be alone so she could finish wrapping presents, so she sent me over to Nathaniel's to play." He pointed to the house a few doors down from his own.

Sure enough, when I looked at it more closely, I realized it _was _the Weiss' house. I glimpsed Mrs. Weiss as she walked passed a window. I hadn't recognized it at first because I'd only ever seen it from the front.

"You and Nathaniel used to play together?" I asked, stroking Demon's ears.

"Yeah, all the time. I used to eat dinner and stay the night over there, too."

I couldn't help but smile as I imagined little Nathaniel and Castiel having a pajama party.

My fantasy dissolved when Castiel drew in a rattling breath. He winced and closed his eyes as though the words were painful to say. "Mom, she... She took too many Valium and collapsed. She broke her temple open on a corner of the coffee table. When I came home, she was on the living room floor in a puddle of blood. She'd already bled to death before I found her."


	39. Chapter 39

**Chapter 39: Let Me In**

I was stunned silent. I knew his mother was dead, but I had no idea how violent and unexpected her death was.

_No twelve-year-old should ever have to see his mother die._

"I didn't know what to do," Castiel continued, "so I ran back to Nathaniel's house. His mom took care of me through the whole police investigation. I owe her a lot."

My feet moved me closer to Castiel. Demon followed closely behind, his tail between his legs.

Castiel looked up into the darkening blue-and-purple sky, sorrowfully shaking his head. "I mean...how do you not notice your own mother has a problem with pain pills?" He fretfully brought the unlit cigarette to his mouth with a trembling hand.

This offered insight as to why Nathaniel had been so angry when he learned I'd told Castiel about his secret. They didn't get along anymore, but he must not have wanted his old friend to relive the nightmare of watching someone fall apart because of a pill addiction.

Rather than answer his hypothetical question out loud, I pulled the glove off of my right hand and reached into the pocket inside his jacket where I knew he kept his lighter.

Castiel jumped when he felt my hand brush against his chest. I pulled back the ridged trigger with my thumbnail and lit the cigarette that dangled from his lips.

He wore a bizarre look on his face as he gazed down at me; it was full of pain and regret, but my gesture seemed to impress him, and I could tell he was relieved as he gratefully inhaled. He turned his head to blow the smoke into the wind, but kept his eyes fixed on mine.

"I know I called you by accident. I saw it in my outbound calls," he admitted after a few puffs. "I know what you must think you heard."

My body tensed up. "What do you think I heard?" I asked, blinking away snowflakes.

In answer, he launched into a second story. "Amber knocked on my door in the middle of the night on Christmas, crying her eyes out, shaking with cold. She was wailing something about Ritalin and Nathaniel and how she didn't want him to end up like my Mom. I couldn't turn her away after everything her family has done for me. She... She wouldn't stop crying." He dragged deep on his cigarette.

I raised an eyebrow. _What did you put in her mouth to shut her up, then?_

"I only wanted to stop her crying," he reiterated, breathing out a mouthful of smoke. "I wanted to comfort her. I thought of what I would do if it was _you_, crying on my doorstep on Christmas, wet and cold."

I took a step closer. "What _did_ you do, then?"

"I let her in," he stated simply. I could smell the sickly sweet menthol on his breath.

"...And?"

"And she came inside."

"_And_?" I urged again.

"And she kissed me."

I felt a painful tug at my insides. "And you _let_ her?"

"Yeah, Candace, I _let_ her," he snapped, using my full name for the first time in recent memory. "What was I supposed to do, hit her? Yell at her? She kissed me, and when I finally got her to stop, she came to her senses and I drove her home. I haven't seen her since, and I don't want to. That's what happened."

I was glad it was so cold; if he noticed my whole body quaking, he wouldn't think it was because of my crippling anxiety.

Castiel crossed his arms, annoyed that I had nothing to say in response. "I heard _you_'ve been naughty over Christmas break, too. Did your friend Dakota teach you how to 'love yourself' some more, or did he finally get into your Outback?"

His snarky comment hit me like a punch to the stomach. I guessed Lysander had already told him about that night - how I emerged from Dake's bedroom with a red face and an untied bikini.

_Is he trying to act like a jerk so that I can't tell he's...jealous?_

_What if Lysander was right? What if he does love me?_

"He kissed me, and I kissed him," I told him honestly, swallowing my outrage. "Lysander and Nathaniel ruined it before it got any further. That's what happened," I concluded, imitating him.

He stared at me, turning my words over in his head. After a few weighty minutes, his mind began to wander, and so did his eyes. "What are you _wearing_?"

"Oh." He noticed the figure skating skirt and tights I wore with my coat and boots. "I went skating," I explained.

"You mean ice skating?" His usual smirk returned to his face. "You never told me you could ice skate."

"You never asked," I replied, shrugging.

He flicked away the butt of his cigarette. "It's getting kinda cold out here. You want a ride home?"

I nodded.

"Go on then, my car's that way." He playfully shoved me in the direction from which we had come. Demon yelped and bounded through the snow ahead.

I didn't know exactly why Castiel hung back behind me as I walked back along the trail through the woods, but I had a feeling it had something to do with my short skating skirt.

When we arrived back at his parked car, Castiel and I took our places in the driver and passenger seats. Demon leapt across my lap into the back. Castiel cranked the heat as high up as it would go and we waited for the thin film of ice that had formed on the windshield to melt.

"It might sound weird, but I'm glad you got yourself into trouble and got sent home early," he said over the buzzing of the fans. "I missed you, Candy,"

I smiled. "I missed you, too, Cas." I was tremendously relieved that he wasn't mad at me. I remembered the last time we'd seen each other, when he told me goodbye at the airport. "Hey, didn't you say that you needed to tell me something when I got back?"

"What? Yeah, yeah, I do," he stammered. "I... I got into the same college as you."

"You did?" I gasped delightedly. It was strange that he thought he couldn't tell me this until after my internship - and there was something else that didn't quite add up. "Wait, _how_?" Castiel was a truant and troublemaker, after all. "And what about Demon? You can't keep him in the dorms."

"Hey! My I.Q. is in the 160's, and my SATs were through the roof, thank you very much," Castiel said defensively. "As long as I graduate, they'll let me in. I'll get an apartment somewhere off-campus so I can take Demon with me."

"I'm so excited!" I gushed. "We'll both have someone there we can count on. We can be study buddies! And we can carpool when we want to come home on weekends!"

Castiel turned on the windshield wipers. I thought he muttered, "Home is wherever you are, Candy..." but I couldn't quite hear over the scraping.

"What?"

"Nothing. Let's get you home."


	40. Chapter 40

**Chapter 40: Crystallophobia**

With Castiel back on my side, the prospect of returning to Sweet Amoris High School did not seem so dismal. In fact, I experienced some first-day-of-school excitement as I got ready on the morning of the first day of the second semester. I dressed in my usual jeans and trustworthy high-top sneakers, chose a cozy black-and-green flannel shirt with a cami underneath, and pulled my hair back into a low ponytail. I was already out the door when I realized I'd forgotten my glasses, so I had to go back and retrieve them from my bedside table (on top of a book I hadn't started reading yet: _Overcoming Your Anxiety with the Power of Positive Thinking_).

I wouldn't get a chance to talk to either Castiel or Lysander until lunch. Since our favorite spot under the oak tree in the courtyard was still frozen solid and probably would be until late March, we moved our lunchtime picnics indoors to a rarely-used stairwell.

While Castiel and I waited for Lysander to join us, we compared class schedules.

"Why are you taking all these useless Mickey Mouse classes?" Castiel asked, his eyes darting across the paper. "Film Lit... Music Appreciation... And... Wow, I didn't even know Sweet Amoris _offered _a Floral Design course."

"And there's an after-school Gardening Club," I added, "which I will be joining for _even more _fun-filled floral follies."

Castiel rolled his eyes and sighed, trading my timetable back for his own. "Can I let you in on something?"

"Anything," I affirmed, snapping open a can of soda.

"Well..." Castiel cleared his throat and dropped his usual sarcasm. "Lys has been acting weird since he got back from Australia. He wouldn't let me give him a ride to school this morning, and he gets all jumpy whenever he hears a loud noise. In first period Chemistry, someone accidentally dropped a beaker and he freaked out."

"Now that _is _distressing," I agreed. "You mean you actually _went _to Chemistry?"

"Candy, I'm seriously worried about him," Castiel said, trying and failing to hide his smirk.

I contemplated as I sipped. "You know what else? He has German with me again this semester, and he usually sits up front with me, but today he sat in the back...away from the windows." At the time I assumed it was because he was rightfully angry at me, but now I considered an alternative explanation. "I don't think it's noise he's afraid of, Cas. I think it's glass."

Castiel tilted his head to look at me from behind his too-long bangs. "You think that's why he wouldn't get in my car?"

I shrugged. "Maybe. You'd have to ask him to know for sure."

As if on cue, I heard the hinges of the stairwell door squeak open and the click of Lysander's boots approaching.

"Hey, Lys," said Castiel and I in unison.

"Hey," he said listlessly back. He took his bag off of his shoulder and stooped to sit next to Castiel. I could see the discomfort on his face when he bent over.

The sight made my already tired heart ache.

Lysander plastered on a fake smile to disguise his pain. "Candace, it's okay. Before you say anything, I just want you to know that I don't blame you for what happened. It's not like _you _were the one who attacked me for no reason."

"I still feel terrible, Lysander," I said, shaking my head. I thought I would be able to handle seeing him again, but I felt the burn of uncried tears tingle behind my eyes.

Lysander pulled his arms out of the sleeves of his jacket and untied his ascot, handing both to Castiel so that they wouldn't get dirty on the floor. He unbuttoned his white shirt and moved to the stair below mine so that I could see his exposed back.

His wings were in better shape than I thought, but in four different places, the graceful feathers on the right half were distorted by black sutures that still held the cuts together.

"The scars will heal," Lysander assured me. "They're not that deep. And once they do, I can have my tattoo touched up. People get tattoos over scars all the time."

I scooted down to sit beside him on his step, but I still wasn't brave enough to look up into his bicolored eyes. "I'm not as worried about the scars on your back as I am about the _mental _scars. I mean, _I'm _still pretty shaken up from that night, too. I... I don't know if I'll ever be completely over it..." I brought my soda can back to my lips as an excuse to leave my thought unfinished.

Lysander and Castiel both fell silent as my mind took me far away from the stairwell, across the ocean, and into the arms of the boy I still loved very much.

Just as Castiel opened his mouth to speak, someone pushed open a creaky door from the floor above us and came slowly clunking down the stairs.

Lysander pulled his shirt back up over his shoulders and hurriedly re-fastened the buttons.

The dull thuds of the footsteps echoed louder and louder until that someone turned the corner and arrived at our landing.

The sight of her almost made me choke on a mouthful of soda.

She wore grommeted black leather boots and torn fishnet stockings under a blue plaid skirt that was lined with black tulle. Her black sweater had slits for her thumbs in the overlong sleeves. She topped off the outfit with criss-crossed bobby pins in her flat-ironed blonde hair that had been highlighted with day-glo blue streaks. The entire ensemble was intermittently adorned with silver safety pins.

She absent-mindedly stomped down the stairs one at a time in her heavy boots, staring blankly ahead. She didn't seem to notice us until she was within feet of stepping on us.

Castiel was the only one of the three of us she even acknowledged. "Oh. Hey, Castiel," she sang nonchalantly.

"Uh... Hey?" Castiel said back, raising an eyebrow.

He had to move out of her way to avoid being hit in the face by her tulle skirt as it swished with the movement of her hips.

Just as quickly as she had appeared, she pushed her way out the door at the bottom level and was gone.

I waited for several seconds until I was sure she wouldn't hear. Then, when could no longer contain my laughter, I let it out in hysterical shrieks.

Castiel and Lysander weren't sure how to react. Half-smiling, half frowning, they stared blankly at each other and then at me.

I took deep breaths and tried to regain my composure, wiping away a tear that trickled down my burning red cheek. "You... You didn't recognize who that was?" I rasped.

They both shook their heads no.

"You _idiots_, that was Amber Weiss!"


	41. Chapter 41

**Chapter 41: Something Different**

"You haven't noticed anything _different _about Amber, have you, Candace?"

I knew I shouldn't have laughed at Amber in front of Nathaniel, but I couldn't help myself. I held a hand up to my mouth to stifle my giggles. "You mean how her clothes now match the blackness of her soul? Yeah. I noticed."

"Hey, come on." Nathaniel tried to retain his professional stoicism, but finally relented and cracked a smile. "That's my little sister."

Nathaniel was, of course, chairman of the prom board. He'd suckered me into helping him on Tuesday after school in the empty teachers' lounge, insisting that _all _the prom board's other members were busy with yearbook-related obligations. I wasn't sure if I believed him, but I was happy to help nonetheless. He ran copies on brightly-colored printer paper, then slid them over to me to be cut apart.

Just as I had hoped he would, Nathaniel had completely recovered from the fight at Dake's house. The bruise on his face had faded to a barely-noticeable gray smudge on his lower jaw. I wondered briefly if anyone had been bothering him about it. Anymore, I stayed out of the rumor circuit altogether, but I suspected that news of Nathaniel's participation in a fistfight that ended in blood had probably been embellished as it spread around. Nathaniel was certainly treated like a legend; he got considerably more fist bumps and pats on the back from passersby in the hallway than he had before his Australian misadventure. No longer was he Mr. Perfect, the stuck-up Student Council President everyone loved to hate, overdressed in starched white shirts. This semester he was laidback, easygoing Nate, who wore jeans and t-shirts and made the most of his presidential duties by sharing them with his friends - or, in my case, passing them off on his friends.

Best of all, I saw no signs that he'd touched Ritalin since our return.

"I can't help but wonder about her sudden...change," Nathaniel said over the mechanical hum of the copy machine. "By the looks of it, it has Castiel's name written all over it."

_Ah. So that's why he wanted an excuse to talk to me on my own. Because I'm apparently his Castiel informant._

_...Oh, God. Does he know about a certain Christmas indiscretion? How could he? I didn't tell him. I'm sure Amber wouldn't have told him - and neither would Castiel._

_I mean, nothing that bad even happened. Amber snuck out, sure, but Castiel didn't do anything wrong. He brought her right back..._

I grappled with the rotary cutter in nervous hands, cutting a batch of bright pink ballots slightly crooked. "Castiel? He didn't even recognize her when he saw her," I said truthfully. "What could Amber's unfortunate wardrobe decisions possibly have to do with him?"

"Oh, yeah. I keep forgetting you're still new." Nathaniel powered down the copy machine so that I would hear him better as he explained. "Well, Amber's had a crush on Castiel ever since we were kids. He was our neighbor." He smiled, overcome with nostalgia. "Castiel was over at our house almost every day. Whenever he was around, Amber used to try to get him to play with her and pay attention to her. She would even break her dolls on purpose and beg him to fix them for her. It was kind of sad, actually." He shook his head, chuckling. "I guess she's still not over it, even though it's been years since he stopped coming around."

"Some things never change," I mused, stacking the cut ballots evenly and shuffling them to mix the colors together.

"Maybe it's because he's a senior, and this is his last semester. Maybe she thinks it's her last chance to get his attention."

"That's plausible," I readily agreed, trying to steer him away from involving me.

Much to my dismay, he roped me right back in. "What would you do if your little sister did something like this?"

"Me?" I shrugged. "I wouldn't have this problem because I'd have pushed her down an elevator shaft a long time ago."

"Candace!"

"Oh, alright," I conceded. "I think she's definitely in need of your brotherly advice. I'd tell her she shouldn't have to dress like an Avril Lavigne wannabe to get attention. I'd tell her a crush is only worth pursuing if there's a chance he feels the same way about her _the way she is_, not the way she thinks he wants her to be - and the only way to know that is to ask him."

I might as well have been talking to myself one year ago. I'd fallen into the same trap, dressing in a way I thought Nathaniel would like, doing everything I possibly could to gain his approval. Now, Nathaniel and I were inseparable friends because I showed him my true self - not the dolled-up fantasy I thought he wanted.

He smiled knowingly, but he still looked worried.

"You know Castiel would never do anything to hurt your sister, Nathaniel," I reassured him.

He nodded, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans. "I know. I just don't want Amber to make a fool of herself."

I snorted. "I think it's too late for that. She finds a way to do that every single day."

"And as for Castiel," Nathaniel continued, "I'm not worried about him giving Amber the wrong idea. I know for a fact he has his eye on another girl." I could have sworn one of his coppery eyes gave me a cunning wink.

_Did he just wink at me?_

_Who are you, strange boy, and what have you done with Nathaniel?_

I diverted his attention from my reddening face by handing him the stack of ballots. "What are these even for? You never did tell me."

"They're ballots for the juniors and seniors to vote on the theme of this year's prom. Here, take one." He handed me one of the leaves from the top of the stack. "Melody, Peggy, and I each came up with one. Mine's going to win," he boasted cockily. "I just agreed to Melody's voting idea to prove her wrong."

"Oh, how very chivalrous of you," I muttered, reading over the three choices.

_Forever Young (80's high school movies)_  
_One More Time (steampunk time travel)_  
_The Sweet Escape (cupcakes and candy)_

It was obvious that the steampunk idea was Peggy's; she had a special appreciation for outdated technology. I surmised that Melody's was the cupcake one because of her girlish love of baking - which meant that Nathaniel's must have been the eighties one.

I refused to give him the satisfaction of telling him my favorite. "I think they'd all make for a fun prom," I said honestly. "We'll just have to see what the rest of the student body thinks."

"Whatever. We both know mine's the best," he snickered. "Thanks again for helping me."

"You mean doing it for you? Anytime. Only for you, Mr. Perfect."


	42. Chapter 42

**Chapter 42: What are you Waiting for?**

The snow receded as it melted through February and March, leaving behind slushy puddles and piles on the streets and sidewalks.

Because of Lysander's new phobia, he walked to and from school every day. I usually didn't see him on my morning bike ride, but he would always accompany me halfway home, his hands in his pockets, mine holding onto the handlebars as I walked beside him. Once we reached a certain point, I would continue straight on, pedaling up to Auntie's townhouse apartment; he would turn left towards Leigh's store and the studio apartment the two brothers shared above it.

I found that one-on-one conversations with Lysander were different from those I'd have with Castiel or Nathaniel. Lysander's mind was more erratic, more prone to wandering - like mine. The main difference was that his mind was a well of information, whereas mine was a sinkhole of useless facts. The topics of discussion would change from philosophy to _The Lord of the Rings_, from music to Internet memes, from literature to tongue piercings - most of the time in English, but sometimes with German words and phrases mixed in for flavor.

The topics of surfing, Australia, marine life, and anything made of glass were taboo.

One airy March afternoon, Lysander barely said a word until we were coming up on the intersection that always split us apart. His eyes were fixed on the sidewalk ahead, the gears inside his head ceaselessly turning.

"You're quiet today," I finally said. "Is there something wrong?"

"Probably," he grunted. We took a few more steps in silence, until he finally added, "Sometimes I feel like I'm two different people."

"I know," I acknowledged. "I am, too."

He looked over at me, his green eye shrouded in shadow by his hair, his gold eye stunned.

I understood more than he realized. There were two Candaces, after all: one who clung tight to childish delusions, and one who looked onward to college and impending adulthood. One who dreampt of the day her true love would come back to her, one who knew he never would.

Likewise, I'd seen both Lysanders: the carnal brute who once yelled at me and cut me down, and now the gentle friend who walked beside me and built me up. Brutish Lysander didn't come to the surface often, but when he did, he left an impression.

"I like _this _Lysander better," I elaborated, pointing to him, "but I understand you both."

He blinked a few times, and then a smile curled the corners of his lips - which told me he understood both of me, too.

We came to a stop at the intersection.

"Are you ever afraid of the day you'll have to show both sides to someone else? Someone you care about?"

I turned a tasteless wad of chewing gum over in my mouth until I found the right words. "I'm afraid every second of every day," I admitted. "But not of being myself. Not anymore. I think I'm mostly over that."

Lysander frowned slightly. "What are you so afraid of, Candace?"

"I..."

Thankfully, we were both distracted. The driver of a familiar black Volkswagen Beetle slowed to a stop, pulling over beside us.

Peggy rolled down the passenger side window and leaned over to call out to us. "Hey, Lysander!" She waved to him energetically. "Hey, Candace," she added quickly - and considerably less energetically.

Lysander recoiled. He cleared his throat and fussed with the collar of his jacket. "Oh, hey, Peggy..."

I heard the door click as Peggy unlocked it. "Get in! I'll give you a ride. You, too, Candace. I _think _your bike will fit in the trunk..."

I shook my head. "It's okay. I live right around the corner," I lied. "But thanks anyway." I was surprised she even offered, but she probably didn't want to come off as rude - like she normally did.

_I guess she doesn't want Lysander to see her rude side._

I turned away, pretending to adjust the strap of my backpack so that Peggy couldn't see my face. "Warem wartest du?" I whispered to Lysander. _What are you waiting for?_

Peggy Donahue didn't have a prom date yet. This was his chance to make a move - and it meant getting in her car.

Lysander must have been thinking the exact same thing. "Ich weiß nicht. Das ist Bescheuert..." He rolled his shoulders back and nodded decisively.

"Alles Gute!" I subtly assured him as he pulled the car door's handle.

I waved goodbye to both Lysander and Peggy.

_Doesn't she live on the other side of town?_ I wondered. _Was she...following Lysander?_

_That's creepy. And kind of cute._

_...But mostly creepy._

As the Beetle disappeared around the corner, I felt my phone buzz in the front pocket of my hoodie. I expected to see a snarky text from Lysander, but I got a surprise instead.

It was a proposition from my friend - a _prom _proposition, consisting of only three words, completely out of the blue. "You. Me. Prom."

I let out a delighted squeal, my thumbs feverishly tapping buttons to text him back. "I'd love to!"

His reply came back almost instantly. "You won't regret it. Just wait until you see what I have planned. It's going to be the best night of your life!"

I laughed and shook my head. "Leave it to Mr. Perfect to already have a plan in place. My expectations are sky high." I was dying to know what Nathaniel had up his sleeve, but I knew he wouldn't tell me, no matter how relentlessly I begged. "I can't wait!"


	43. Chapter 43

**Chapter 43: You're Only Eighteen Once**

"Where do you think _you're _going, birthday girl?"

I let out an effeminate scream as he jammed his fingers into my ribs to scare me. "Cas!" I shrieked, dumbfounded. "How did you know today's my birthday?"

The second semester flew by. It was already the first day of May - the Wednesday before prom. Auntie insisted on making me banana pancakes for breakfast before I left, so I was running behind. I would have been late if I hadn't driven to school in my brand new Honda Accord, the best and most generous present I'd ever received. I was coming down from the excitement, preparing for a mundane school day - and then Castiel appeared out of nowhere just as I was approaching the main door, tickling me and making me laugh like an idiot in front of at least twenty other latecomers.

His smirk was especially audacious today. He wore a new screen tee under his jacket and a crisp pair of dark-washed jeans with his high tops - the same as mine, only his were black and mine were pink. "You're not the only one who likes to sneak peeks at confidential files," he divulged. "Yours was quite the compelling read. Now I know all about the suspension you got for ripping that girl's earlobe in sixth grade gym class."

I buried my blushing face in my hands, still heaving with laughter. "Cas, you broke into the teachers' lounge?"

"I 'gained access' to the teachers' lounge, yes." He laughed with me. "Seriously, though, I was impressed. I never thought of you as the troublemaking type."

"That girl deserved _much _more trouble than a ripped earlobe, _trust _me," I mused, regaining my composure. "I should tell Nathaniel to have them change that lock..." I took a step forward, meaning to pass by him and walk through the doors.

"I _said_, where do you think you're going?" he repeated, blocking me with his body.

"Cas, Let me through," I whined. "We're both going to be late."

"I don't think so. If Nathaniel's taking you to prom, at least let me take you out on your birthday."

_Take me out? Does he mean...on a date?_

Maybe this was Castiel's attempt at upstaging Nathaniel. He knew Nathaniel and I were only going to prom together as friends, but the rivalry between the former playmates was still alive after all these years.

I rolled my eyes. "I'm already skipping Friday with the rest of the seniors. I can't skip two days in one week."

"Who says you can't? I would be a terrible friend if I let you spend today locked in _there_, bored half to death." For emphasis, he gestured dramatically through the doorway behind him.

Now that he mentioned it, spending my birthday confined within a classroom _did _sound dreary...

The first bell rang, making my tardiness official.

"Just this once?" I squeaked.

"Just this once," he attested, "on your one and only eighteenth birthday." He reached for my hand.

The way he held out his hand to me... The way he wouldn't take no for an answer... The spellbinding way he smiled... He reminded me of a certain Australian surfer.

I accepted his hand. "Alright, Dake. Let's get out of here."

"What?" He let my hand drop as though it were scalding hot to the touch.

_...Oh my God._

_I just called Castiel by the wrong name. By Dake's name._

I giggled nervously. "I said...how long's it gonna take to get out of here?"

I was fairly certain he heard me the first time, but he took the out, wiping the confused frown off his face and replacing it with a grin. "That's more like it."

When he turned his back to walk out to the parking lot, I breathed a sigh of relief before following behind him.

"Hold it," I said as he dug through his pockets for his keys. "I'll drive." I fished out my own keyring and unlocked my white Accord with the remote. Its headlights flickered, setting it apart from the other cars.

Castiel enviously drew in the invigorating new car smell as he adjusted the seat to allow his long legs more room. It was disconcerting to see him on the passenger side. "This is completely unfair! All I got for my birthday this year was a computer."

"You're such a spoiled brat, Cas," I chided as I started the engine.

I glanced back towards the school's front entrance as I pulled out of the parking lot. A familiar feeling arose in the back of my head, spreading down my spine into the pit of my stomach - a sinking, agonizing feeling.

Castiel read the worry on my face. "Hey, don't chicken out now."

"It's not that, I just..." I braked at a stop sign and looked over at him. "I can't help but wonder what this looks like - the two of us leaving together all of a sudden. Do you think people will think we're...?" I released the thought into the air between us without voicing it out loud.

Castiel caught it, shrinking away when the implication sunk in. "What? No!" he clamored. "No, they wouldn't think that. Not about us. You and me, I mean."

The brighter he blushed, the hotter my own cheeks felt.

I gently accelerated, turning out into the street. "So what happens now? I've never skipped school before."

Castiel sighed and looked up at the flawlessly blue sky through the car window. "I was thinking we'd do the usual 'skipping school' stuff - you know, hit up a rave downtown and then go bar-hopping."

"You go raving and bar-hopping at 9AM on Wednesdays?"

"Yup."

"Come on, Castiel. I don't know where we're going."

"You have a full tank of gas, right?"

I checked the gauge. "Yeah...?"

"Just get on the northbound interstate, and I'll tell you where to go from there."

I drifted into the median slightly as I turned to look at him. "You're not kidding, are you?"

"Not remotely." He crossed his arms defiantly.

"What, I don't even get a hint?"

"You'll know it when you see it."


	44. Chapter 44

**Chapter 44: Break the Ice**

I was starting to worry when forty minutes went by, and Castiel still hadn't told me to get off the interstate.

"You'd better pay me back for gas," I warned him.

"Come on, don't you trust me?" he scoffed. "It'll be worth it, Candy."

Just as I was about to issue another complaint, he pointed to the exit for the huge mall in the middle of the city - the one with every department store in existence, a rock climbing wall, an IMAX theater...and an ice rink.

It was easily the biggest ice rink I'd ever seen - and since it was so early, it was nearly empty.

"I wish I had my own skates with me. Rentals always give me blisters," I babbled, tightening the laces around my ankles. "Where are yours, Castiel?"

He looked up from texting. "Hm? No. I don't think I can."

I blew my bangs out of my eyes and removed my glasses. "Have you ever _tried_?"

"_No_, and I don't -"

"Nu-uh!" I cut him off, a wicked smile spreading across my face. "I don't think so. You didn't drag me all the way out here just so you could watch me."

"What if I did?" He mumbled so quietly, it was hard to hear him.

"What?"

He shook his head, his gaze returning to his phone.

"Cas, go get some skates. It'll be fun! You'll learn something new!"

"Like what, the Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy?"

"Alright, I'll cut you a deal." I ran a finger over the edge of the dull blade. "If you can do ten laps, I'll try to play some guitar chords later. Then you can make fun of me when I'm terrible at it. Deal?"

He eyed my outstretched hand dubiously.

I batted my eyelashes and whispered, "Did I mention it's my birthday...?"

"Aw, _fine_." He relented, clasping my hand and limply shaking it once.

He went to rental counter and came back with skates in his size. He was less than compliant when I laced them for him, crouched on the floor as he sat above me. "This is humiliating," he griped. "For God's sake, Candy, I'm eighteen years old! I can tie my own shoes!"

"Do you want to break an ankle?" I snapped. "It has to be done just so, or you'll end up hurting yourself."

Our only competition for space on the ice was a class of schoolchildren who were apparently there on an end-of-the-year field trip. They waited impatiently for the Zamboni to clear the ice before they pushed each other to get into the rink first. Some of them clung to the peripheral wall in mortal terror, while others took confident strides, gliding over the ice with ease.

I shoved Castiel in front of me. His first step onto the ice was shaky, his knees instinctively locking up.

"Relax, Cas. If you fall and you're all tensed up like that, you'll definitely hurt yourself."

"That's easy for you to say, Ice Princess," he grunted, reaching for the wall.

"Don't try to walk. You're supposed to be _pushing_ yourself forward, so that you _glide_. Like this." I pivoted around so I could skate backwards in front of him.

He laughed through clenched teeth. "Now you're just showing off."

It took a few laps, but as he gained confidence, he let go of the wall and was able to keep up with me as I slowly coasted beside him.

He tilted his head towards the middle of the rink. "Why don't you go out there? I know you're dying to. I want to see what you can do."

I beamed brightly and obligingly made my way to the unoccupied center. With Castiel watching, the pressure was on. I hoped the second-rate rental skates could support the impact of a landing if I attempted a trick jump.

_I guess there's only one way to find out._

I built up momentum by accelerating to a more challenging speed. Astoundingly, my whole body still knew exactly what to do next. I dug my toe pick into the ice beneath and vaulted into the air, twisting around as hard as I could. I managed two and a half turns before I came back down on my right foot.

I heard delighted shrieks and gasps from a few of the little girls as I drifted towards Castiel, who wore a smug smile on his face. "When you said you could skate, I didn't know you meant you could do _that_!"

I laughed, overwhelmed by the attention. "Those are easy. I can't pull off a triple axle or anything crazy like that..." I couldn't help but notice that he looked weary. "Should we go do something else now...?"

He shook his head. "You to stay as long as you want. I'm more than okay with watching from the sidelines."

The mega-mall's ice rink was big enough for me to circumnavigate the children without worrying about accidentally running into them or slashing them. The little rink inside the Sweet Amoris community center was much too small and always so crowded; it had been too long since I could practice without fear. Castiel looked on from an otherwise empty hockey penalty booth.

I skated until my feet throbbed painfully, finally stepping off to rejoin Castiel.

"I haven't done that in _ages_," I panted. I rested my head on his shoulder, trying to build up the willpower to bend down and take off my skates. "Thank you for bringing me out here today, Cas."

He elbowed me to sit up straight, sinking to his knees to untie my skates for me. "We're just getting started."

Both of us limped slightly, the skin of our heels chafed and raw. Wandering in and out of the shops was out of the question, but we were both starving. He insisted on paying for smoothies and sandwiches at the food court.

"Crap!" I exclaimed when I saw the time on my phone. It was already 2PM. "We have to get back before Auntie does, or she'll hear the message the school's front office left on the answering machine when I didn't show up at school!"

Castiel calmly slurped on his almost-empty smoothie. "It's already been taken care of. I had Lysander write a note in your Aunt's handwriting. If anyone asks, you're getting your braces off today."

"But I don't _have_ braces, Castiel."

"Not _anymore_, you don't," he sassed. "For all they know, you had that kind that they put behind your teeth so you can't see them. And when you show up tomorrow with your beautiful smile, it'll only confirm it."

I couldn't help but smile at that.

"There," he said, squinting with one eye and pretending to frame my face with his thumbs. "Just like that. That's perfect."

I rolled my eyes. "I can't believe you and Lysander were in on this." I tried to picture Lysander's forgery, still apprehensive. "...Did he remember to use a glittery gel pen and scented stationary?"

"Of course he did."

"We should be okay, then," I decided, putting down my empty drink cup. "Where to now?"

"My place? I rented a bunch of movies for you to choose from."

An excuse to rest my blistered feet sounded perfect - and I wasn't ready for my time with Castiel to be over just yet. This was turning out to be the best birthday to date. "Sure! I'll just text Auntie and tell her I went to your house after school. She should let me stay awhile."

"Yeah, do that," Castiel agreed. "That way we'll have all night."


	45. Chapter 45

**Chapter 45: Good for You**

Castiel's selection of rental movies was far-flung from our usuals (like _Troll 2_, _Clerks_, and _Blazing Saddles_). I wondered what made him choose such emotional movies as _Whisper of the Heart_, _Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind_, and - shockingly - _Y Tu Mamá También_.

It seemed like the least racy and therefore the least uncomfortable to watch with my best male friend, so I went with _Whisper of the Heart_, not knowing the effect it would have on me. I considered myself a well-adjusted movie viewer, but at the end of _Whisper of the Heart_, I was fighting back tears. Demon had fallen asleep with his head in my lap and was snoring softly, drowning out my sniffling. Since he and I monopolized the couch, Castiel sat on the floor.

As the end credits slowly scrolled up the screen, Castiel stretched to regain feeling in his legs. "I still say John Denver and Studio Ghibli are a weird mix," he commentated, "but that was actually a really good movie." I wiped my eyes on my sweatshirt sleeve just before he turned the lights back on. "I know what we could do now," he suggested. I hoped he wouldn't remind me of my promise to attempt guitar chords; I was too tired to remember the difficult finger placement he'd tried to teach me. Luckily, he seemed to have forgotten. "We could play a game."

"You mean a board game?"

"No."

"Card game?"

"No."

"Video game?"

"No. Candy, it's not like any of those kinds of games. It's a word game, sort of," he explained, walking into the kitchen to get us drinks from the fridge.

"A word game? Bring it." I was confident I could win any word game against Castiel. To drive the point home, I cracked my knuckles and screwed my face into a mock grimace. Demon stirred at the noise and hopped off the couch, the tags on his collar jingling.

"Okay, it's called -" Castiel slammed the fridge door, noisily rattling the contents. I couldn't hear what he said. "...Marry, Kill."

"What was the first part?"

He returned to the living room and sat next to me on the couch, wearing a devilish smile. I took the cold can of soda he offered me, appreciatively snapping it open and drinking it thirstily. "I know you heard me." Honestly I didn't, but he continued as though I did. "One of us names three guys or girls, and the other has to decide which - in a _hypothetical _situation - they would want to have sex with, get married to, or murder."

An unladylike burst of laughter made me dribble soda onto my hoodie and sent carbonation snaking up my nose. "What if I don't want to kill any of the people you pick for me - _or_ marry them? _Or_ have sex with them?" I asked, pulling my moistened hoodie off over my head.

"That's why the game is fun. You have to make choices you never thought you'd have to make."

I squinted at the ceiling, cleaning flecks of soda off my glasses lenses with the bubblegum pink cami I'd been wearing under my sweatshirt. "Wouldn't the sex part apply to the person you pick to marry, too?"

Castiel swallowed, his eyes darting back up from some point beneath my eyes where he'd been staring. "Not necessarily."

"But _could _it?" I asked, replacing my glasses on the bridge of my nose.

He scratched his neck uncomfortably. "I _guess _it -"

"Would all three things happen on the same day - like, one after another?" I asked before he could finish answering my first question.

"You're thinking about it _way too hard_," he chuckled. "It's _a game_. I'll go first so you can see how it works. Name three girls I know."

"Um, okay... Miss Delgado, Melody Geiger, and Amber Weiss."

The way he cringed seemed to suggest that these were not the options he was expecting. "Miss Delgado, the algebra teacher?"

"She's a girl, and you know her."

"You play dirty," he growled. "I guess I would kill Melody; she's so goody-two-shoes it makes me homicidal. And I guess I'd marry Miss Delgado. Which means I'd -"

I'd given up trying to drink my soda, or else I would have spewed again. "_Ugh!_ I threw Amber in there because you were supposed to _kill _her!"

Castiel threw up his hands in surrender. "Hey, I didn't say I'd _marry _her or anything!"

"But you'd marry an algebra teacher who's probably ten years older than you?" I criticized. "That's just weird."

"That's the whole point of the game! It's supposed to be fun, in a weird, disturbing kind of way. It's _your _turn now." He pensively stroked his chin with long fingers. "I think I'll make it a little more interesting. Lysander, Nathaniel, and me."

_I'm officially an idiot. I walked right into this one._

… _Interesting, how he didn't give me Dake as an option..._

"Uh... Do I really have to _kill _one of you?"

He crossed his arms and tossed his hair out of his eyes. "That's the game, isn't it?"

"I guess, if _you _three are my only choices, I'd...kill Nathaniel, because I know he couldn't live in a world where his sister was forced into sex with _you_."

Castiel laughed a rare, unrestrained laugh I'd only ever heard once or twice before.

"And," I continued, "I'd marry Lysander, because he'll be rich someday - and Leigh would design the most amazing wedding dress in history for me to wear."

This answer pleased him, too, but not nearly as much.

Blush crept into my cheeks, setting my whole face on fire. "Which means, in this _hypothetical _situation, I would...you know...with you. There. Are you happy?"

"To be perfectly honest," said Castiel to his shoes, "I was kind of hoping you'd marry me."

"What?"

"_In the game_," he quickly clarified. "I was hoping you'd pick to marry me _in the game_."

"So you'd want me to have _sex _with _Lysander_?" I shot back. "Your own best friend? That's seriously _messed up_, Cas."

We both laughed at that - so hard it sent shooting pain into my sides, which made me laugh harder still.

Demon didn't know what to make of our bizarre behavior. He wagged his tail like he wanted to play, too, but he had no idea what we were playing.

Castiel's laughter turned into a coughing fit. I scooted closer to him and intuitively patted his back. Once he was finally able to speak, he took the opportunity to steer the conversation in a different direction. "You know it's hard for me to tell people about my feelings, but..." He gently rested a hand halfway up my thigh. "In a non-hypothetical, real-world situation...would you go out with me?"

"C-Castiel -"

I felt so many things - and they hit me all at once. I hadn't prepared myself in the slightest for this inevitable moment. I should have seen it coming from a mile away, but I didn't.

I felt so agonizingly guilty I wanted to be sick - not because I _didn't _have more-than-friendship feelings for Castiel, but because I _did_. What made even less sense was the undeniable love I still felt for Dake - in spite of all the things that drove us apart.

I still loved Dake, and it wasn't fair - not to Dake, not to me, and least of all to Castiel.

"I... I miss him, Castiel."

He knew exactly who I was talking about.

"I don't even know if he's okay," I blubbered. "I never got to tell him goodbye. And... I never got to tell him I -"

"You just think you want him because you know you can't have him," Castiel cut me off angrily. He withdrew his hand from my thigh and used it to indicate the empty living room around us with a dramatic flourish. "Look around, Candy. If he wanted you, he'd be here."

His words sliced through me, reopening wounds that weren't fully healed.

_He's right... But it still hurts to hear him say it._

"I mean," he said more calmly, "surfers like him are only after one thing. I don't want to see you with a guy like that. He was no good for you."

I tittered, trying to disguise my torment and embarrassment with sarcasm. "You're not my Dad. Who gave you the right to comment on who I choose to date?"

In answer, Castiel wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into him. "You don't you think _I'd _be good for you, Candy?"

Even as I said, "_No_, I do _not_," my defenses came crumbling down. I gave in, letting him hold me for a few dissident minutes.

"...Why not?" he asked.

I pulled away from the hug and breathed in deep to make sure I'd have enough air for the entire list. "You smoke and you're a slob. You're sarcastic. You're standoffish and defensive. You're mean-spirited and spiteful. You've skipped more classes than you've attended. You won't wear anything unless it's from a Hot Topic clearance rack. You refuse to be told what to do - even if it would save your life. You think happiness is supposed to come find you, when really you should be out there looking for it your damn self."

Castiel sprang to his feet.

I doubted anyone had been so honest with Castiel in a very long time - perhaps not since his mother died.

He wore a manic smile that put his usual smirks to shame. "Oh yeah? _You're _borderline socially retarded. _You _don't have any friends besides me, Lysander, and Nathaniel because you don't know how to act around other girls. _You _can't tell people 'no' because you're desperate for them to like you. _You're _so gullible, you're willing to believe anything."

No one had ever been so honest with me - not ever.

His smile faded. His eyes searched for mine under my bangs and glasses frames. "And you want to prove to everyone how smart you are, so you think you have to wear those stupid glasses." He reached down and snatched them off my face, leaving me blinking incoherently. "I like it better when I can see your face..."

_Is he mad at me?_

_Is he coming onto me?_

_...Is he both?_

He pulled me to my feet so that he could wrap me in a full-bodied hug, his touch warm on the bare skin of my shoulders. "And it wouldn't kill you to show a little more leg," he whispered lecherously, "like when you wore that ice skating skirt..."

My eyelids fluttered. I took a gasping breath in, but my lungs couldn't hold the air. My body was weak and heavy - like it was back at Dake's house party.

_I don't think this is love. I think this is a panic attack._

Castiel's eyes bored into mine - burning, pleading, seething. In his gray irises, I saw a thousand worst-case scenarios come to life in horrific detail. Someone smashing in his face. Someone pushing him down. Someone cutting into his skin. Someone standing over where his broken body lay in a puddle of blood.

_He'll end up just like Dake - hurt and heartbroken because of me._

_Don't come any closer, Castiel. I'll only hurt you._

My own thoughts pushed me into full-on panic - breathless, white-knuckled panic that tore me out of Castiel's arms and sent me scrambling to the door, falling over Demon who lay on the floor. He whimpered and bolted to the shelter of his crate on the other side of the room.

"I have to go home, Castiel," I stammered, slamming the door behind me.

I could hear Demon's plaintive whining from outside the apartment, even at the bottom of the stairs.

My shaking hands managed to open the door to my car, but I lost control completely once I shut myself in. I squeezed the steering wheel as hard as I could, sobbing in earnest.

_It's not fair, Castiel. You shouldn't love me. Just look what I've done._

_You deserve better._


	46. Chapter 46

**Chapter 46: Get Ready**

Lysander walked out from underneath the purple awning of Leigh's store where he had been waiting. He carried my dress, Peggy's dress, and his own suit, each in a zippered protector. "Where are your glasses, Candace?" he asked as he pulled open the passenger door of my new Accord. "You weren't wearing them yesterday, either."

My heart sank when I remembered Castiel still had them.

He didn't show up for school the Thursday following my birthday fiasco. His car was gone from the parking lot, which meant he must have walked to school to retrieve it and then driven home. I wished he had stayed long enough to talk to me, if only so I could set a few things straight - and get my glasses back.

Now that it was Friday afternoon, I'd gone without for two days. My tired eyes were working overtime to see even the nearest objects, twitching from the strain.

"I left them at Castiel's," I admitted after a few tentative seconds. I'd been searching for a subtle way to drop Castiel's name, anyway. I had questions about what happened after I left his apartment Wednesday night, and I knew Castiel would have confided in his best friend. Every time I managed to nail Lysander down at school the day before - in German, at lunch, and on the way home - it seemed he had reverted back to his cryptic self, refusing to answer me directly. He had done the same thing to me in Australia when he was sneaking off to his tattoo sessions.

I couldn't help feeling like he was up to something.

"If Cas isn't coming to prom with us," I said aloofly, "what does he plan to do with himself while we're out having fun without him?"

Lysander didn't take the bait. "Castiel doesn't care about school dances," he answered curtly. "He never has." Then he abruptly changed the subject. "Are you sure you should be driving without glasses? Don't you need them to see where you're going?"

I sighed, defeated. "I'm not going to kill us, Lysander. Don't worry."

"You'd better not. I've never heard of a couple of high school seniors dying in a tragic car accident in broad daylight _before _prom," he said, tightening his seatbelt, "and I really don't want us to be the first."

"You're always so confident in me, Lys. What did I do to deserve a friend like you?"

Lysander and I had skipped Friday classes under the pretense of 'getting ready' for prom. He used his time off to help Leigh finish the last-minute influx of prom dress alterations, to include Peggy's and my own. I, on the other hand, should have gone to school, since Auntie had my hair and makeup done in less than thirty minutes. It might not have taken as long as I thought, but the transformation was drastic. I barely recognized my own blurry face in the rear-view mirror.

Most of my freckles were hidden under a layer of ivory foundation. Auntie had talked me into royal blue eyeliner, a choice I never would have made for myself, but as it turns out, she was right - it really did play up my dark eyes and long lashes, curled and thickened with blackish-brown mascara. My hair had also doubled in volume, thanks to Auntie's deftness with a curling iron. She had pinned the red tresses to one side of my head so that the long curls cascaded over my shoulder.

"This is exactly how I used to do my friends' hair for the dances at our high school," Auntie had jabbered with excitement as she suffocated me with a noxious cloud of hairspray. She couldn't have been more ecstatic about Nathaniel's eighties theme, especially since she was chaperoning. It came as a welcome excuse to break out her old prom dress: a one-shouldered metallic monstrosity with a bubble skirt. "Now you run along and meet up with your friends!" she'd told me with a wink as I escaped out the door. "I'll see you later tonight!"

Lysander and Peggy, Nathaniel and I, and Melody - who was tagging along as a fifth wheel - were all meeting up at the Weiss' house to change and have group pictures taken. The absence of Peggy's Beetle in the driveway told me that the other three weren't back from decorating the gym with the rest of the prom board yet.

Mrs. Weiss greeted us both with hugs and compliments. "Candace, your hair looks absolutely gorgeous!" she sang. "I can't wait to see your dress!"

"Here, I'll show it to you!" I proudly unzipped the protective cover to show Mrs. Weiss Leigh's handiwork.

Lysander's brother had gone _way _out of his way to transform an old dress Auntie wore to a homecoming dance in 1989 into the most beautiful dress I could ever hope to wear. Before, the turquoise dress was hilariously outmoded by its puffy sleeves, but thankfully Leigh had removed them. ("...I think you have enough going on to hold it up without sleeves or straps," he'd said after a long, careful stare when Auntie and I first dropped off the dress to be altered.) Leigh had added gauzy ruffles in darkening azures and indigos that faded downward from the boned bodice, every so often dotted by a twinkling rhinestone. The back tied with a long silk ribbon fed through silver eyelets, as was Leigh's signature. To help make my legs look longer, I rose to the challenge of glossy neon blue pumps with three-inch stiletto heels - also from Leigh's.

Mrs. Weiss gasped delightedly, as pleased with the dress as I was. "I feel much better about you going to prom without a date now," Mrs. Weiss tittered. "You'll be the most stunning wallflower there! Someone's sure to snatch you up for a dance!"

I tilted my head, confused. "Uh..." Why did Nathaniel's Mom think I was going to prom by myself? Didn't he tell her I was going with him? "But I thought Melody -"

"Oh, don't you just love Melody to death?" Mrs. Weiss cut in. "She's adorable! I don't know what took Nathaniel so long to ask her out." She held a hand over her mouth, concealing her smile. "Don't tell him his own mother said that!"

_Is...Nathaniel trying to set me up with someone else? Is this what he has 'planned' for me?_

I bit my tongue and rolled my eyes.

_What does he think this is, a mediocre high school movie? He's taking his prom theme idea way too seriously..._

If Nathaniel was in fact trying to set me up with someone, _who _was it? And _why_? I'd only agreed to go with Nathaniel as a friend because he asked me first. If someone else wanted to go to prom with me so badly, all he had to do was ask.

"Oh," Mrs. Weiss exclaimed, "Amber and her friends are getting ready in her room. Why don't you go up and say hi, Candace?"

I'd forgotten that Amber's mother thought she and I were the best of friends. "Oh, n-no, that's okay," I stammered, trying to think of an excuse as Mrs. Weiss ushered us into the living room and motioned for us to sit on the couch.

Luckily, she was more concerned about feeding us. "Are you kids hungry? Do you want some snacks?"

"No thank you," Lysander and I both replied politely.

"Are you sure?"

Lysander couldn't pass up free food twice. "Well, if snacks are being made..."

As Mrs. Weiss disappeared into the kitchen, I dug my cell phone out of the drawstring silk purse I'd brought with me. "You have explaining to do," I texted to Nathaniel.

I squinted at Lysander suspiciously while I waited for Nathaniel's reply. "You wouldn't have anything to do with this, would you, Lys?" I asked.

"Sounds like something you need to take up with Nathaniel," he said, shaking his head. "I guess he wants you on one arm and Melody on the other."

The mental image of Nathaniel rolling into prom like a pimp with a date on each arm was amusing, but not realistic. He must have been thinking along the same lines, since we both laughed.

"Do you honestly think I'm too stupid to see what's going on?" I asked again with a wry smile. "Nathaniel thinks he's a matchmaker now - and I think you're in on it, too."

We were both distracted when we heard the thud of car doors closing and the voices of Nathaniel, Melody, and Peggy as they came up the front walk. Nathaniel and Melody each carried their respective tux and dress in the crooks of their arms, and Peggy lugged what looked like an especially heavy makeup bag.

Lysander sprang up to greet Peggy with a flirtatious hug. She returned it eagerly, giggling with surprise and delight, letting her makeup bag fall to the floor with a jangling _clunk_.

"Did you bring my dress with you?" she asked, her fingers intertwining with Lysander's.

Lysander nodded, raising Peggy's hand to his lips and giving it a gentlemanly kiss. "Leigh finished hemming it a few hours ago."

Peggy smiled shyly. "He really didn't have to go through all that," she mumbled, which I thought was uncharacteristically selfless of her.

_What's gotten into her lately?_

I thought that the dress Leigh made for me was impressive, but apparently it was nothing compared to Peggy's - which Lysander designed and Leigh made from scratch. The Vespasian brothers were not only the most fashion-forward straight boys I knew, they were also unfailingly kind.

"_Ooh_, your eye makeup is so pretty, Candace," Melody cooed, daintily perching on the armrest of the couch. "Do you think you could do mine like that?"

I laughed. "My Auntie did this for me. I couldn't replicate it if I tried."

"You don't want her anywhere near your eyeballs with a pointy object," Lysander said smartly. "She lost her glasses."

Mrs. Weiss brought pita chips and hummus from the kitchen to set out on the coffee table. "Girls, if you want, you can use the master bathroom. There's no one in there right now."

Even though I could be of very little help doing their hair and makeup, I followed Peggy and Melody upstairs to the master bath to change.

"Those colors look amazing on you, Candace," Melody gushed as I slid into my dress. "And it looks like it fits you perfectly."

I agreed. Leigh's alterations made it fit as comfortably and effortlessly as a hug. "Leigh does amazing work. I'm dying to see yours, Peggy. Lysander wouldn't even show me his sketches."

Peggy shone in the iridescent whiteness of her dress. The sweetheart bodice laced up in the back like mine did, the front whimsically embellished with rhinestones and lace. The floor-length skirt effortlessly flowed with her as she moved. Leigh had also custom-made hair combs with silver-and-white beaded ribbons which stood out when she tucked them into her short black-violet hair. She didn't need much shimmery eyeshadow to accentuate her blue eyes; they were already dazzling. The look softened Peggy, making her appear delicate and feminine - a complete one-eighty from the raging vegan smart-alec I knew her to be at school.

Somehow I'd expected Lysander to create a more provocative dress for his crush. It was redeeming to know that this was his idea of what beauty was supposed to look like - maybe even his idea of what love was supposed to look like.

"You look absolutely beautiful," I told her truthfully.

Peggy thanked me with a genuine smile, which made her glow even brighter.

Now it was Melody's turn. Her shockingly pink dress was nothing like what I expected. If Peggy's ensemble was meant as a tribute to the dream sequence from _Labyrinth_, Melody's was the finale of _Pretty in Pink_. From the front it looked for all the world like a darling little halter dress, but from behind it was scandalously revealing, her bare back obscured by sexy lace overlay.

"I wanted to try something _different _tonight," she giggled, dusting her reddening cheeks with powder.

"I _love _it!" A devious smile spread across my face. "And I think _Nathaniel's _going to love it, too!"

Melody blushed profusely as she ran a flat iron through her brown curls, sizzling them bolt-straight. "Don't be silly, Candace. He's _your _prom date."

"Not when he sees you in this dress, he won't be. He won't be able to think of anything else - except maybe getting you _out _if it."

Melody was overcome with twittering laughter, her face the reddest I'd ever seen it. "Stop it, Candace! You're terrible!"

Peggy shook her head, smiling slyly.

_So Nathaniel has these two in on it, too..._

I excused myself and stepped out of the master suite, padding in bare feet across the carpet of the hallway. The trilling giggles and pop music that leaked from underneath Amber's door told me that she and her cronies were still hard at work artfully disguising the zits on each others' backs with concealer and otherwise prettying themselves up. The door across from Amber's, the one that led to Nathaniel's room, was also closed.

"Nathaniel," I shouted over the noise, rapping my knuckles on the door. "Is Lysander in there with you?"

"No, he's changing in the downstairs bathroom," he answered.

I twisted the doorknob and let myself in, not especially caring if Nathaniel wanted me to come in or not.

Nathaniel was mostly dressed; he was just buttoning the cuffs of his shirtsleeves before he put on his jacket, which hung on the back of his desk chair along with a Caribbean blue tie. His frown melted away when his eyes fell on my dress. "Candace, that dress is incredible!"

_I could get used to getting showered with compliments. Maybe I should wear a formal dress everywhere I go._

"If you like this one, just wait until you see Melody's," I said, rolling her name off my tongue tantalizingly. I searched the tie rack mounted to the wall beside his closet. If anyone I knew had a hot pink tie readily available, it would be Nathaniel. I chose the brightest one and held it out to him. "I think you should wear this one, to match her."

Nathaniel tried his best at a nonchalant _psht_, but his uncomfortable smile and his refusal to look me in the eye were dead giveaways. "Why would I want to match her?"

"I've seen the way she acts around you. I'm not blind. You should be _her _date tonight, Nathaniel. I know it's what you really want." I turned up his collar and looped the pink tie around his neck, trying to recall the complicated knot Dad had taught me years ago. "What I don't understand is why you seemed to think I was incapable of finding my own date. Why go through so much trouble to set me up with someone else?"

When it became clear I couldn't remember how, Nathaniel took over tying his tie. "He's liked you for almost a year, but he's not the greatest at being honest with himself. He approached me for advice after we got back from Australia - and this is what we came up with."

"...It's Castiel, isn't it?"

"Yes."

"Nathaniel..." I turned away from him. My nervous fingertips traced the lines of the quilt that was spread over his bed. "Things between Castiel and me have..._changed _recently. I don't think he feels that way anymore."

"That's funny," he said, taking his phone out of his pocket and scrolling through his text messages. "He said he was still coming as of thirty minutes ago. He says he'll meet us there."

_Castiel still...wants me?_

"Hold on a second," he said, moving closer to me. "The back of your dress is untied."

"I'm starting to think knots just automatically come undone whenever you're around," I said to him over my shoulder as he tightened the ribbon and tied it securely. "I hope the zipper on Melody's dress doesn't throw you off."

"Candace!" he barked, erupting with laughter. "What happened to you? You used to be so innocent. Now you're the most perverted girl I know!"

When I re-opened the bedroom door and took a step over the threshold, I tripped and fell over Amber, who had been crouching on the other side, listening.

"Watch it!" she screeched. Amber had thankfully gotten rid of the her blue highlights, but her hair was piled on top of her head in a tangle of yellow rats' nests that was supposed to emulate a shabby-chic updo. Her eyes blinked indignantly from underneath far too many layers of gray-silver shadow that made her look like a raccoon or a domestic abuse victim. She hadn't put on her dress yet; she was wrapped in a fuzzy pink bathrobe. "Now, thanks to you, I have to redo my hair!"

I snorted judgmentally. "I think you needed to start over anyway."

Nathaniel stepped over Amber, ignoring her, and helped me to my feet. "Are you alright, Candace?"

"I'm fine," I assured him, even though my knees stung slightly. I wondered if the carpet burns would show up in the pictures...and I wondered just how much of our conversation Amber had actually heard.

_If she knows Castiel will be there tonight, we're all in trouble._

Back downstairs, Lysander had since changed into a hunter green eight-buttoned tailcoat with a black velvet collar and charcoal gray fall-front trousers. I found it odd that he wore a watch, its silver chain hanging out of the pocket of the black vest he wore under his coat, but he instinctively unlocked his smartphone to check the time.

Lysander had been joined by three junior jocks in black tuxes, presumably Amber, Charlotte, and Li's unlucky prom dates. The only one I recognized was Dajan Asad, a new transfer student. All I knew about him was that he played basketball, and at six feet eight inches tall, he was the tallest boy in the school.

Before I could introduce myself, Peggy and Melody came down the stairs, followed shortly thereafter by Amber and her entourage. Amber and her friends all wore the same sequined high-low dress in three different colors: Charlotte's was a stormy gray, Li's was jet black, and Amber's was a fierce blood red. As they posed for picture after picture for a beaming Mrs. Weiss, they looked like freakish tri-racial mannequins from a department store display.

My heart went out to Dajan when I realized Amber was his date. Even without my glasses, I could tell from the look in his eyes that Amber Weiss had not been his first choice. I was curious as to which form of emotional terrorism she'd used to get him to go with her; I suspected blackmail.

Mrs. Weiss subjected the eleven of us to torturous group photos in every combination imaginable: all the boys, standing in order from tallest (Dajan) to shortest (Nathaniel); all the girls in order by dress color from lightest (Peggy) to darkest (Li); all the juniors; all the seniors; each couple together in front of the hearth...and finally, me, by myself.

Just before Mrs. Weiss turned us loose into the darkening May evening, Nathaniel suggested just one more photo: me, with Nathaniel and Lysander on either side. I squeezed both of their hands, smiling brightly as Mrs. Weiss snapped the picture.

_Whatever happens or doesn't happen with Castiel, I know this night is going to be unforgettable._


	47. Chapter 47

**Chapter 47: Forever Young**

Sweet Amoris High School appeared exactly the same from the outside, but inside, it had been transformed. The fluorescent lighting was obscured by long sheets of aqua-colored crinkle fabric that hung from the ceiling. At the end of the hall, an archway of pink and teal balloons led into the gym; I could hear a tinny techno remix of "Situation" playing inside. The space was littered with loose balloons that skidded across the floor like pastel-colored tumbleweeds.

The glaring red metal lockers that lined the walls, only partially hidden behind curtains of silver tinsel, stood as a reminder that this was indeed the same place in which I'd spent countless hours either worried sick or bored senseless. Tonight, the atmosphere was different, the air alive with excitement and energy.

Nathaniel, Melody, Peggy, and Lysander got in line behind the other couples to get their pictures taken in front of an airbrushed backdrop. Even though I was pleased to see Melody clinging to Nathaniel's arm with feverish adoration, I regretted giving him away so willingly. Without Nathaniel's arm to hold onto, I wasn't sure what to do with myself. Worst of all, I wasn't sure how I felt about Castiel lurking somewhere, allegedly waiting for me.

_I should go find Auntie. She'll want to take a picture with me. It would mean a lot to her._

Down the hallway past the photographer, Auntie was sitting at a folding table which had been strategically placed to prevent curious students from venturing beyond it out into the empty school. Her glinting gold prom dress was unmistakable against the other adults' sensible cardigans and khakis.

Her face lit up when she saw me in all my sparkly blue-and-turquoise glory. She let out a too-loud squeal and commissioned a nearby PTA mom to take pictures of us with her digital camera.

The other chaperones looked to be moms, big sisters, and grandmas of students in attendance. The only male chaperones I noticed were my History teacher Mr. Farazie and a vaguely familiar blond man...who'd been staring at Auntie and me for several minutes.

He and I made involuntary eye contact. I waved shyly, not knowing what else to do. He saw my gesture as an invitation to come join us.

The man was in his late thirties—about Auntie's age. Everything about him was a bit...off. His square jaw with a clefted chin was locked in a permanent smile. He held his bulging arms at an odd angle because they were too muscular to hang straight down. Granted, this was an eighties-themed high school prom, but I couldn't help but feel like the pink Izod polo he wore, collar popped, was overkill.

"Tabby Emerson?" he asked Auntie hopefully. "Westwood High, class of 1991?"

Auntie studied the man's face, searching her memories until it finally clicked. "Boris Fisker? Is that really you?"

_Oh, I remember him now!_

Boris was the one who gave me a tour of the building on my first day of school. I assumed he was a substitute teacher, or, judging from his physique, maybe a gym coach...but I never saw him after that first day.

"Where have you _been _all these years, Tabby?" Boris hugged Auntie gingerly, as though afraid he would accidentally snap her neck. "What are you doing here in Sweet Amoris?"

"We moved here last year—my niece Candace and I," Auntie explained, showing me off like I was a blue ribbon farm animal. "You remember my brother Roy, don't you Boris? You probably know that he's an Army officer—or he _was—_and he was supposed to come home after one more tour, but... Well, we decided we wanted a change of scenery from that run-down military base, didn't we, Sweetie?"

The frivolity with which Auntie described the circumstances surrounding our move and my Dad's probable death would have bothered me on any other night, but tonight was my senior prom. I let it go and tried my best to smile pretty.

I could feel Boris' eyes on me, judging me. "Candace, you're Roy Emerson's daughter?"

I nodded wordlessly, my curls bouncing.

"How did I not pick up on that before? Your Dad and I played on the lacrosse team in high school! You look _just _like him—red hair and everything!" Boris' ice blue eyes became increasingly sad the longer he let himself dwell on my father, his former classmate. He knew the implication: that if my Dad hadn't come back from his tour in Libya after more than a year, he was gone forever.

As I returned his stare, I felt an unpleasant palpitating in my chest, but it had nothing to do with Dad.

_Don't I know those eyes from somewhere else? … Someone else?_

Auntie could tell I was uncomfortable. She swooped in, putting an end to the silence. "Wait a second, you two have met before?"

"Nathaniel was sort of swamped on my first day," I explained, "so he helped show me around."

Auntie turned to Boris, her eyes twinkling with admiration. "You work here at the high school, Boris?"

"Yes. Well, no. Sort of." He reached into his pocket and proudly brandished a white business card, his name and the government crest embossed on its surface. "These days, I'm a social worker. I come by the school every now and again to check in on my cases. The principal was short a few volunteers for prom chaperones, so she called me in."

"Wow," Auntie humored him, taking the card in her gold-painted fingertips. "You, _Boris_, a social worker? I never thought I'd live to see the day! What happened to the Boris Fisker who asked me how to spell 'August' in Mrs. Darrow's English class?"

Boris' smile showed a strange mixture of embarrassment and pride. "I guess you could say he had a wakeup call about six years ago and decided to change careers. I _was _in physical therapy—mostly sports injuries and stuff like that—but I decided I should be helping kids who were hurting on the inside _and _on the outside."

"That's beautiful," Auntie sighed, her eyes watering.

I looked back and forth between Boris and my Aunt. It was as though they had reverted back to their fourteen-year-old selves.

"What have you been up to, Tabby?" Boris asked expectantly.

Auntie snapped open her sequined clamshell purse and took out her own pink shimmery business card. "I make _wishes _come true!"

"'Fairy Godmother Party Performers,' huh?" Boris read. "That's _perfect _for you! I bet it's the only job that actually lets you be yourself!"

"Exactly!" Auntie squealed. "Oh, it's _so _much fun! Just last week I did a party for a Brownie troop who—get this—pooled their money from door-to-door cookie sales so that they could throw their friend with leukemia a fairy princess birthday party!"

Boris clutched his chest, as though the adorableness of it all caused him physical pain. "That is _literally _the sweetest thing I have ever heard in my entire life!"

I could feel my smile starting to crack.

_I don't know how much longer I can hang around and listen to this..._

"You haven't changed a _bit_, Tabby," Boris emphasized. "Seeing you in that dress brings back memories." He softened his voice. "And...I'm sorry to hear about Roy. Listen, if you ever need someone to talk to...you have my card."

_That's it! I'm getting out of here._

I coughed. "It was nice running into you, Mr. Fisker—"

"Please, call me Boris."

"It was nice running into you, _Boris_, but I should get going. My friend is waiting for me." Which friend that was, exactly, remained uncertain.

Auntie gave my cheek an affectionate pinch. "Go have fun, Sweetie! I'll be around if you need anything!"

I backtracked towards the entrance of the gym. Before I could cross underneath the archway of balloons, though, I heard Boris say something that stopped me dead in my tracks.

"It's funny that you came to see your niece, because I let my nephew tag along with me tonight. I hope they don't mind. He's only nineteen. I figured he can't get into much trouble here, in a high school surrounded by chaperones..."

_Those eyes..._

The realization came crashing down on me so hard it made me weak in the knees.

_Dake._

_Dake is here. At my school. Right now._

_And so is Lysander, who got beat up by Dake's friends. And Nathaniel, who broke Dake's nose trying to protect me._

_And Castiel, who would probably break Dake's nose again—or worse—if he got the chance._

_Oh, God..._

Fueled by adrenaline, I rushed into the gym as fast as my high heels would allow.

_Smack!_

I ran into a tall, tuxedoed figure and fell in a heap onto the glittery floor.

"Candace!" boomed his smooth baritone voice. "What's the rush?"

I didn't even know he knew my name. "I'm _so _sorry, Dajan. It's these shoes," I sputtered, yelling over the loud music.

He held out a giant hand and effortlessly pulled me up.

I squinted around the gym through the streamers and strobe lights, but his blonde arm candy was nowhere in sight. "Where's Amber?"

He shrugged. He neither knew nor cared.

There were only a few kids dancing at this point, all standing around each other doing the same awkward one-two step over and over. The deejay was set up in the far corner, surrounded by tall black woofers. He played an eclectic mix of eighties electro-pop, current dance songs, and requests.

"Dance with me?" asked Dajan. "That's why we're here, isn't it?"

_Come on, you can do this!_ _It's just like ice skating...only not on ice...and not skating._

_What the hell? Just go for it!_

I followed Dajan out to the dancefloor. He didn't take himself seriously or try to look cool, which made him the perfect dance partner for someone like me. All through "Die Young," "Take Me Home Tonight" and "I'm Glad You Came," we tried to outdo each other with the stupidest moves we could think of, laughing the whole time.

Every few seconds, I scanned my periphery for Dake, but I couldn't find him. I thought of bowing out and searching for him in the crowd, but others had since joined in on the dancefloor as the mood elevated. My personal space bubble was shrinking, and I found myself surrounded on all sides.

I caught glimpses of Lysander and Peggy dancing closely, even though I knew neither of them listened to pop music from this decade or any other. I got another shock when I saw Melody and Nathaniel grinding on each other with alarming lust. She yanked on his tie like it was a horse's bridle, and from the love-drunk smile that played across his bright red face, it was clear he liked it rough.

_Goodbye, Goody-Two-Shoes Melody, and hello Pretty in Pink Melody! … Or should I say Dirty Dancing Melody?_

I was so caught up, I'd completely forgotten about Castiel until a familiar head of red hair came into view behind the elevated deejay booth. I soon lost sight of it among the flashing lights and moving bodies.

As "I Just Can't Get Enough" ended, it transitioned into a punk-rock band's slow, weepy cover of "The Promise." The collective mood changed suddenly as the dancers stopped their grinding and one-two stepping and paired off for the slow dance.

Someone behind Dajan tapped his shoulder. Dajan stepped aside and let him take over.

…Castiel looked good.

The silky lapels of his black tux shone under the soft lights. He opted for a black dress shirt under his jacket, and a strikingly white tie. Seeing Castiel in a tux was strange, but I was reassured when I saw he wore the same black high tops as always—and the same smirk.

_It's Castiel. He's my friend. Dake would understand if he saw me dancing with him... Wouldn't he?_

He gently placed his hands on my hips. Mine reached up to the padded shoulders of his tux jacket, the wool coarse under my fingertips. He swayed to the beat, moving me with him, his body at ease touching mine.

"_If you need a friend_  
_don't look to a stranger_  
_You know in the end_  
_I'll always be there"_

He flung me out for a twirl and caught me as I spun back, holding me closer.

I had to warn him now, before things got any worse. I tightened my arms around his neck, pulling his ear to my lips. "Castiel," I whispered, "_Dake _is here."

"I know," he whispered back. "I saw him. And I should tell you...I've known him for years."

"_What?_" My shrill voice rang out loudly, even over the thudding bassline. A few of the other slow dancers turned their heads away from their dates to stare at us; I couldn't find Nathaniel or Lysander among them.

The beginning of Castiel's explanation was drowned out by a ringing in my ears. "...Ever since his uncle, Boris, became my caseworker. It's a legal thing, since I'm independent. Until I turned eighteen, Boris had to come by my house every few weeks to make sure I wasn't starving or on drugs."

I'd stopped swaying and let go of Castiel. I stood in the middle of the dance floor, completely motionless, staring at him. "You mean all this time...you've known how to contact him...and you didn't _tell _me?"

"Candy, I'm sorry—"

"_I'm sorry but I'm just thinking of the right words to say_  
_I know they don't sound the way I planned them to be"_

Castiel's hands moved up to my shoulders. "I didn't want you hanging around him, Candy, because _I_—"

"_But if you wait around awhile, I'll make you fall for me_  
_I promise, I promise you I will"_

"Because you _what_?" I demanded.

Castiel hung his head. "... You love Dake, don't you?"

I answered without hesitation. "Yes."

It felt good to say it. I loved Dake. I loved him, and I was going to tell him tonight.

Castiel nodded resolutely, reaching for my hands and cradling them in his. "Then I want you to be with him."

"Castiel..."

"_And if I had to walk the world, I'd make you fall for me_  
_I promise, I promise you I will"_

As the last notes of his song faded away, Castiel pressed a small object wrapped in a silky white pocket square into my hand, then disappeared into the crowd. The deejay chose a faster song to liven the floor up again—appropriately, "Bizarre Love Triangle."

My glasses were lovingly preserved in the handkerchief so that they wouldn't be smudged or scratched. As I slipped them on, the world instantly came into focus—along with the terrible mistake I'd just made.

_This is torture... This is my worst nightmare..._

_I want you to be happy, too, Castiel... But I know I can't make you happy... I need you to understand..._

An indescribable pain shot through me, squeezing the air out of my lungs, draining the blood out of my brain.

_Please come back, Castiel! I'm so sorry..._

My heart was already pounding out of control. When I felt his hand on my shoulder, it stopped dead.

I whirled around, and there was Dake, standing within feet of where Castiel had been seconds ago.

...And _damn_, did he look good.

He left the first few buttons of his turquoise dress shirt carelessly undone and unbound by a tie. The color matched his eyes perfectly. His hair was gathered into a ponytail at the nape of his neck, glowing golden brown. I had never seen it completely dry before.

"_Every time I see you falling_  
_I get down on my knees and pray_  
_I'm waiting for the final moment_  
_You'll say the words that I can't say"_

The moving lights prevented me from seeing his face clearly, but I imagined he was torn between fear and elation, like I was when I apprehended him at the end of his surf tournament. "Hi," he said ironically. "Are you alone?"

My laughter spilled out in sobs. "Not anymore," I choked.

"I'm sorry it took me so long to find my way back to you, Candy. I didn't want to see you again until I knew I was strong enough."

"Strong enough for what?"

"Strong enough for this."

His lips came crashing down onto mine, and I was whole. All the colors that burst inside my eyelids, all the tastes that danced across my tongue, all the feelings that stirred within my chest—they were mine again, and I would never lose them. I would never lose _him_. Never again.

Without thinking, my head in a lovesick haze, I grabbed him by the front of his shirt. "I've only ever seen you three times in my whole life! Is it stupid of me to love you?"

"No," he answered steadfastly, "because I love you, too!"

"_I do admit to myself_  
_That if I hurt someone else_  
_Then I'll never see_  
_Just what we're meant to be"_

I understood now that it was okay to love myself_—and _to be loved back. In fact, it was more than okay. It set me free.

There were too many lights and sounds and people all around us. I wanted nothing except to be alone with him—and I could tell he wanted the same thing as he looked down at me with his _let's-get-out-of-here _eyes.

"Follow me," I shouted, looping my arm through his. I pulled him out of the throng of ballgowns and tuxes, out into the hallway, where I could take him in under the brighter lights.

His face wasn't quite symmetrical anymore. Thin whitish scars squiggled across the bridge of his nose, through his eyebrows, and over his cheeks.

_He must have been in so much pain..._

I reached up to his cheek, caressing it with the back of my hand. "Is _this _what you meant when you said you had to wait until you were strong enough?"

"Yeah," he laughed dismissively. "It took two surgeries and about five months, but I don't think I look any worse than I did before."

I leaned against a wall of lockers, unable to stave off tears any longer.

"Candy, don't cry!" He held my head in his hands, brushing my bangs away. "I'm not _that _ugly, am I?"

"_No_, It's not _that_," I laugh-cried, pulling my glasses off. "You wouldn't have _needed _two surgeries to fix your face if _I _hadn't..."

Dake untangled Castiel's handkerchief from my trembling fingers and wiped away the tears that bled into my makeup. I wasn't going to put my glasses back on, but Dake took those from me, too, carefully pushing the frames behind my ears. "I never knew you wore glasses. I like them. They make you look more like..._you,_" he said, tilting his head. "At least...keep them on for _now_. They might get in the way _later_."

After this too-sweet display of affection, I was more determined than ever to find a safe place for us to be alone—but as we rounded the corner, I screeched to a halt, remembering the chaperones that stood guard there.

Auntie and Boris were the only ones left. The others must have dispersed to other parts of the school.

"Your niece..." I heard Boris say. "Is she here with a date?"

Auntie made a fake gagging noise. "She's a little _young _for you, don't you think?"

"What kind of guy do you take me for, Tabby?" Boris guffawed. "I only ask because... Well, Dakota's hung up on this girl he met on the beach one day last summer, and I thought—"

"Oh, _I _see! You want to introduce them!" The idea intrigued her. "Tell me about this nephew of yours. If he looks anything like you, I bet he's gorgeous!"

I shuddered. Hearing a grown woman flirt with a grown man was mildly disturbing—especially since they were talking about setting me up with my own...

_Is Dake my boyfriend now?_

_I did just tell him I love him. And he loves me back._

_He loves me...  
_

Dake's whisper startled me. "That Sheila the gold dress... She was talking about _you_?"

"That's my Auntie. She and Boris went to the same high school," I filled him in.

"Boris is my uncle," Dake added.

I was about to sarcastically thank Captain Obvious, but I bit my tongue. _It only took you, what, eleven months to figure out that they were related? Don't berate poor Dake for trying to be helpful._

He and I looked on as Boris and Auntie continued their flirtatious conversation. "They've been talking nonstop _all _night," I sighed.

"Do you think they'll notice us if we make a run for it?" he asked, considering the hallway beyond their checkpoint.

I slipped off my heels and picked them up. "It's worth a try."

I went first, Dake following silently behind me.

As Dake had hoped, Auntie and Uncle Boris paid no attention to us. Up ahead, the lights had all been turned off, hiding us in the safety of darkness.

"Where are you taking us?" Dake whispered. I'd taken for granted the fact that he didn't know his way, especially not in the dark.

I took his hand in mine, leading him to the secluded staircase where I knew no one would bother us...but where we were free to bother each other. I pushed the door open.

To my horror, the staircase wasn't as secluded as I thought. The door banged into someone's elbow. He let out a muffled yelp and a string of cuss words as he rubbed his tingling funny bone. He pulled the door back open to face his attacker.

At first, I was relieved to hear Lysander's voice. "What are _you _doing here?"

In addition to Lysander's voice, I heard Peggy's, panting from doing something I assumed was very strenuous.

_So this is where they disappeared to just before Castiel's slow dance..._

"I'm sorry Lysander," I squeaked. "I didn't know it was you."

Lysander heard the shuffling footsteps of someone else behind me. "Is that you, Cas?"

"Hey, Lysander," Dake drawled, pronouncing his name wrong. "It's been awhile, mate!"

_Oh, God, no!_

My mind raced, trying to predict Lysander's next move, but I had no idea what to expect. Lysander was so capricious.

_Lysander told me he doesn't blame me for what happened to him—but does he blame Dake?_

I hated myself for not getting Dake out of the school before something like this happened. Now, I could end up having Dake's blood on my hands all over again. Or Lysander's. Or both.

I took up a defensive stance in front of Dake, preparing for Lysander's worst.


	48. Chapter 48

**Chapter 48: The Afterglow**

"What are you _doing_?" Lysander asked again, his initial outrage melting away as he calmed down. He sounded so sad, so tired, but at least he didn't sound like he wanted to attack anyone.

I slumped my shoulders, overcome with relief.

_What am doing with Dake instead of Castiel, you mean?_

"I'm _sorry_," I repeated. I didn't know what else to say or do. I felt so ashamed of being caught with Dake—and then I felt ashamed of feeling ashamed of being caught with Dake. I did love him, after all.

If Lysander couldn't understand that, then he wasn't a friend.

I stepped back into Dake. "...We should go," I whispered.

"No, not you, Candace." Lysander probably didn't mean to sound so rude. "I meant Dakota. What are _you _doing here?"

Dake answered as though Lysander had asked him the most obvious question in the world. "I had to come back. For her."

I was glad Dake was there to support me; I felt myself literally swooning.

Meanwhile, Peggy was trying to put the pieces together as she caught her breath. "Dakota? Wait, are _you_—?"

Suddenly, the door at the top of the stairs snapped open with an echoing click. The thudding footfalls of two sets of shoes, one high-heeled, signaled the arrival of yet a third couple for whom the dance in the gym was too crowded.

"Oh, for God's _sake_," I murmured. "Can't they find their _own _stairwell?"

The girl upstairs didn't hear me over her own nasally giggling. "So, what did you need to _talk _to me about?" asked the voice of Amber Weiss.

I already knew who she was talking to.

He sighed, annoyed. "_This_ is what we need to talk about, Amber. First, get _off _of me." Castiel grunted and I heard the sequined taffeta of Amber's dress swish against his wool tux. "You've got to stop _doing _that. You're my friend's little sister. I want to keep it that way. Stop following me around. Stop grabbing me and touching me. And stop dressing like Pete Wentz's wet dream. I know that's not who you really are."

"What's going _on _up there?" Dake asked in a curious whisper.

I held perfectly still, unsure of how to respond. Did he recognize Castiel's voice? Did he remember Amber from the beach last year? I couldn't tell.

Either Lysander didn't want to eavesdrop on Castiel, or he was eager to leave Dake and me and resume whatever he and Peggy were doing before we interrupted them. He barely moved his lips as he tugged gently at her arm, imploring her to go somewhere else with him, but it was hopeless.

Peggy was transfixed. As my eyes adjusted to the dark, I saw the outline of her hungry Cheshire Cat smile. _Castiel Groux and Amber Weiss? _she mouthed. Her eyes searched for my face, and I could tell she was trying to gauge my reaction.

_Butt out, Peggy!_ I was too afraid to say it out loud; I tried to tell her by feverishly shaking my head. _What's happening up there is between Castiel and Amber. It's none of my business, and none of yours. Give tonight to Lysander. Isn't he more important to you than prom drama?_

From above us came another of Castiel's exasperated sighs. "If you want so badly to be someone you're not, maybe you should try to be more like Candace Emerson," he told her.

I regretted not escaping earlier while I still had the chance. The confidence I'd felt only minutes ago drained away, and I felt six inches tall.

Amber sounded like she was about to cry, even as she hissed disgustedly. "Candace Emerson ran off with that _surfer boy_. I _saw _her. She doesn't _want _you, so _why _are you still obsessed with her?"

"I'm not obsessed with her," Castiel lashed out. "She's a friend. She can run off with whoever she wants. I don't care." The anger in his voice seemed to suggest that he _did _care.

"_She_ can't make up her mind, but _me_, I've been waiting for you for so _long_—"

"_God_, Amber!" Castiel exclaimed, no longer able to contain himself. "I don't _like _you that way! Leave me _alone_! It's just like when you were five and I was six! All you ever do is _whine _when you don't get what you want!"

"But _Castiel_," she sobbed, her voice cracking, "all I've ever wanted is _you_!"

Dake had heard enough. He reached around me with his long arm and found the light switch on the wall. The fluorescent lights above flickered on, emitting a yellowish glow that spread out into the hallway through the open door. Lysander and Peggy appeared before us in full color now, his velvet collar smudged with olive skin tone makeup, her rhinestones aglimmer and her beaded hair combs slightly askew.

Realizing she and Castiel were not alone, Amber let out a panicked shriek. The upstairs door swung open and Amber scurried away, her heels tapping on the linoleum.

For a few seconds, the only sound I could hear was the buzzing of the lights.

"I can't believe he just did that," Peggy finally said about Dake, even though he was standing right in front of her.

Dake's scars bent as he smiled. "Your friends really _are _weird, Candy." His voice was voice cool but slightly acidic, like carbonated lemon water.

"It's just me," Lysander called up to Castiel. "...Well, and Peggy. And Candace."

"And Surfer Boy," added Dake wryly.

Dake. Castiel. Amber. Lysander. Universes that were supposed to be kept separate were colliding tonight—and all I could do was stand there, feeling foolish in an elaborate formal dress.

Castiel ambled down to us, stopping on a step halfway up the first flight. His face was flooded with color from anger and embarrassment, but nonetheless, he put on a smirk and crossed his arms. "What are _you _guys doing in here? Get tired of dancing?" His eyebrows arched underneath his red curtain of bangs, his silver eyes darting between Lysander and Peggy.

"Something like that," Lysander said, smirking back.

Peggy smiled, too, her hands readjusting her mussed hair. "I should be asking _you _the same thing, Castiel. You and _Amber_? I never would have guessed—never in a million years!" Her eyes followed a triangular trajectory: me, then Dake, then Castiel. She pursed her lips as though to keep herself from saying what else was on her mind.

"You're right about the 'never in a million years' part," Castiel muttered. I wondered if he meant me or Amber.

"My uncle would be pleased to see you've made progress. I never knew you to have so many friends, Cas," Dake spoke up, moving into the doorway beside me so that Castiel could see him. "I didn't know you and _Candy _were such good mates. Funny, how small the world is."

Lysander didn't seem surprised by Dake and Castiel's familiarity, but Peggy was thoroughly confused. "You _know _him, Castiel? Did I _miss _something?" She looked to Lysander, who shook his head—not to answer 'no,' but to dissuade her from pressing the issue.

I discreetly reached for both Dake's hands and held them, in case he tried to swing on Castiel the way he had Nathaniel.

_No one is going to the hospital tonight. The blood would ruin this dress. And then Auntie would kill me, if I wasn't already dead._

Castiel ignored Peggy and answered Dake. "Candy is my _friend_," he emphasized.

I opened my mouth to intervene, but I heard a soft, sonorous voice say my name. Melody's voice. I hadn't been paying attention to her and Nathaniel's footsteps as they approached from the dark hallway behind Dake and me. "Candace? We heard a scream," she said. "Is everyone okay?"

"Everyone is fine," Lysander replied bluntly—which I thought was oversimplifying things just a bit.

Dake and I stepped through the doorway, allowing Melody and Nathaniel to join our accidental under-the-stairs powwow.

Nathaniel's eyes fell upon Dake's tall figure as he stepped into the light. "Dakota?"

"_That's_ Dakota?" Melody gasped, her hot pink fingernails digging defensively into Nathaniel's arm. "_That's _the guy who... Who..."

"That's him alright," piped Castiel. "In the flesh."

"G'day," said Dake casually, offering Melody a wave.

I frantically looked up at Castiel, hoping he could see my eyes screaming for help.

Castiel stepped down to us and patted Dake on the back in mock congratulations. "I don't know exactly what happened, because I wasn't there, but I think if you can't hold your own in a fight with _Nathaniel Weiss_, you probably _deserve _a broken nose." He turned to Nathaniel and gave him a slightly harder congratulatory smack. "And Nate, you should be _thanking _this guy for knocking something loose inside your skull. You're definitely not as much of a prick as you used to be now that you have brain damage."

I clung to Dake's hands for dear life, not so much to keep _Dake _from punching Castiel as to keep _myself _from punching him.

Nathaniel blinked, his mouth not sure if it wanted to smile or hang agape in disbelief. His breathy laughter escaped through his still-open mouth, solidifying it into a smile. "I wasn't _that _much of a prick before," he laughed, then glanced at Melody as if to ask, _Was I?_

Dake, meanwhile, didn't need to take Castiel's sarcasm with a pinch of salt; he swallowed it whole. His dangerously loud laughter rang through the stairwell. "Yeah," Dake guffawed, "my surf mates won't stop giving me hell for it, either." He sighed, looking up into space nostalgically.

I loosened my grip and allowed myself to laugh, too. _Nice save, Castiel. I guess you're not the jerk everyone thinks you are._

"Where are your manners, Nathaniel and Lysander?" Dake asked, pronouncing their full names with unnecessary formality. "You haven't introduced your lovely girlfriends."

This made both Melody and Peggy smile and look at their shoes.

"_Lovely_?" I whispered irritably.

"You know, for _brunettes_," he rationalized.

After Melody and Peggy were introduced, explanations were in order.

"And what brings _you _to our staircase, Melody and Nathaniel?" Peggy asked with a raised eyebrow. She made a good point; I hadn't even considered it, I'd been too worried about avoiding a brawl.

Nathaniel cleared his throat. "We were just down the hall in the Student Council room," he explained carefully. "A chaperone needed an Ethernet cord so she could download pictures from her camera, so we were looking for one."

His story sounded too well-rehearsed. "_Really_?" I pried, letting go of Dake's hands. "It took _two _of you to look for an Ethernet cord?" I folded Castiel's handkerchief over so that the side unsoiled by my makeup and tears faced out and used it to wipe away a smear of sticky pink lip gloss from Nathaniel's exposed neck.

Nathaniel's hand shot up to his neck defensively. "Candace!"

"Nice going, mate!" Dake contributed.

All of us exhibited symptoms of the same slap-happy, too-many-raging-hormones prom night tiredness. Dake settled in the middle of a stair as brazenly as though he'd been eating lunch with us there all winter. I followed suit, plunking down next to him, setting my shoes on the stair below. The others all fell into place around us, allowing their tired feet to rest.

I knew prom night was supposed to be fun, but this was nothing like what I'd expected.

Much to my chagrin and Peggy's mirthful amusement, Melody squeezed Dake's biceps admiringly, impressed that the bookish Student Body President had effectively beat the snot out of the stronger, taller boy five months earlier. I never thought I'd hear Dake and Nathaniel exchange _I'm-sorry-I-broke-your-nose_ and _I'm-sorry-my-skull-gave-you-a-concussion _handshakes and back-slaps. I similarly never thought I'd be able to laugh about that disastrous Boxing Day party, but there I was, regaling Peggy and Melody with the whole story, start to finish.

Melody was tickled pink. "You mean you just got on a bus and went to find him? You didn't even ask permission?"

"Of course not!" I laughed. "They would never have let me go!" It really did sound larger than life when I explained it out loud.

Peggy was skeptical. "If you didn't tell anyone where you were going, how did _those two _find you at a random house party?" she asked, simpering.

"Finding the beach was easy," Nathaniel cut in. "The next time you sneak away from a youth hostel with computers anyone can access, Candace, _clear your Internet browser history_. All we had to do was follow the bus route you took."

"It's like you were _trying _to leave us breadcrumbs," Lysander injected. "You even left us with the surf tournament's website. Nathaniel recognized Dakota's name in the roster and knew exactly what you were up to. I thought you knew better."

"Shut up, Lysander," I bit back playfully. "Obviously my mind was on more important things."

I heard Dake titter next to me.

"...But finding _his _house was harder," Nathaniel continued. "Lysander couldn't be out in the sun, so he just stood around while I did all the legwork, asking surfers on the beach until I found someone who knew where Dakota went. It took even longer until I found someone who was willing to give two foreign kids a ride. And I had _no idea _how we were going to get back to the hostel, because the commuter buses and trains stopped running out that far at night. But I definitely wasn't the only one who didn't think things through. Right, Candace?"

"Shut _up_," I repeated. "I plead temporary insanity."

"_Temporary_?" Nathaniel parroted. "I hate to break it to you, Dake, but she's been consistently insane ever since I've known her."

I pretended to take offense and gave an indignant little gasp.

"They told me _I_ was crazy, too, when I left to come here," Dake admitted, more to me than to Nathaniel. "I'm glad I didn't listen."

The only one who didn't seem to be enjoying himself was Castiel. He had been the one to break the ice initially, but he only seemed to get moodier the longer the other six of us chatted. "Well, I'm getting out of here," he grunted, suddenly springing up and letting out an obvious yawn. "I'm kind of over this whole prom thing. Later, Lys. Nate. Dake. Girls."

"Later, I guess," Nathaniel echoed confusedly as Castiel stepped over him and headed out the door. He looked over at me expectantly, loosening his pink tie.

I frowned at him, then turned to Lysander, who raised his eyebrows and nodded the same way.

_What am I, the Castiel Whisperer?_

"I'll be back in just a second," I promised Dake as I hopped down the stairs in my still-bare feet. I had to carefully tiptoe around Lysander and Peggy on the bottom step so as not to subject them to an accidental upskirt view. "Castiel, wait!" I called, pushing open the door.

I expected I would have to jog to catch up to him, but he was standing in the middle of the dark hallway, facing the door, smirking, as though waiting for me.

"Um..." If there was anything I wanted to tell Castiel, now was the time to do it. "Cas, I thought it was really brave, what you did earlier."

He shoved his hands into his pockets. "Oh?"

"Yeah. With Amber. And then with Dake and Nathaniel. And... Well, it was kind of nice, you know, having everyone together and finally being able to just talk about what happened. Are you sure you don't want to stay and hang out with us?"

"I'm sure. There's nothing left for me to do here." He stepped closer and brought his lips to my cheek, kissing it softly. It was our first and only kiss. "I'll see you Monday, Candace. Have fun tonight."

And he was gone.

_Candace_. I wasn't his Candy anymore. Which was just as well. I couldn't be Candy for both him and Dake.

The door to the stairwell clicked open again, and the others filed out. Dake came up from behind me, threaded his arms through mine, and rested his chin on top of my head.

"If we hurry," said Nathaniel, "we can still make it in time for the last dance. Are you and Dake coming, Candace?"

Dake's wandering hands told me he wasn't in a dancing sort of mood—at least not the kind we could do in a high school gym surrounded by a hundred other kids. "No," I said to Nathaniel, "I think...we're gonna go do our own thing."

He laughed. "Suit yourselves. Good night, Candace. Night, Dake."

Lysander and Peggy headed back for the last dance, too. Lysander's comment caught me off guard as he brushed past me. "You did the right thing, Candace. Telling Castiel the truth."

"What do you mean?"

"Never mind. Bye, Candace. I guess it really was good to see you again, Dake." He turned to Peggy, taking her arm in his. "Shall we?" She smiled sweetly, leaning her head on his shoulder, and together they disappeared into the hallway.

Then, there was just Dake and me.

If we could make it past Auntie and Boris one more time, we were homefree. The titular song of the evening, "Forever Young," boomed through the walls and out into the hallway where they stood guard—or where they were supposed to be standing guard. It wasn't difficult to sneak past them this time; they swayed back and forth, his hands on her slender waist and hers on his rippling shoulders, slow dancing as though they were in high school again.

As I stared at them, Dake stumbled into me, and I let out an involuntary little shriek. Even then, their eyes never left each other's.

"So, what did you think of Sweet Amoris High School?" I asked Dake, clopping over the asphalt of the parking lot in my heels.

"It's like I said before: your friends are _weird_. But they're alright."

Once we were shut into my car, my lips tingled and yearned for his as though they were magnetic. It took me several minutes to gather enough self-control to pull away from him long enough to actually start the car.

Dake didn't ask where we were going. He already knew. I was operating on autopilot, taking us back to the place where it all started.

**A/N: I thought I could get it all done in one chapter, but I'll have to split it up into one more chapter after this and then an epilogue. To those of you who have read this whole entire thing, I can't even begin to thank you enough! ~binaryguppy**


	49. Chapter 49

**Chapter 49: Over Again**

I parked on the street just above the retention wall that dropped off to the sandy beach, which was empty tonight. Moonlight glinted white and silver across the distant waves, winking at us, inviting us to come play.

"I don't know _what _I was thinking," I grumbled, smacking my forehead into the steering wheel. "I can't ruin this dress! It used to be my Auntie's, and Lysander's brother worked so hard on it..."

There was a metallic snap as Dake unbuckled his seatbelt. "Then take it off," he said simply.

"But _Dake_, I'm not..." I knew he could tell I wasn't wearing a bra under my strapless dress. What was he thinking?

With a starchy rustling he wriggled out of his shirt and held it out to me.

This was the Dake I was used to seeing: shirtless and smiling coyly. I counted his tattoos: the totem and tribal patterns on his arm and shoulder; the Aboriginal geometric shapes that wrung around his wrist; the crescent moon encircling his belly button; the skeletal shark that swam in circular swirls on his breast; and as he leaned forward I re-familiarized myself with the mermaid on his back, still mournfully gazing at the horizon. Maybe it was because of the pale moonlight, but the black-brown ink seemed to contrast more vividly against skin that was not quite as bronze as it had been when I last saw him that hot December night.

I couldn't help but stare. He really was the most beautiful person I'd ever met—ashy skin, scars and all.

I met his imploratory eyes and nodded shyly when I understood, undoing my own seatbelt.

I fed my arms through his shirt's too-long sleeves and fastened the buttons in the front, chipping the pearlescent polish on my nails. The shirt was saturated with the familiar salty musk of his sweat and a hint of citrus-and-hazelnut cologne. When I twisted in my seat to expose the lace-up back of my dress, Dake reached over and untied Nathaniel's knot without me having to ask. His fingers eased under the corset beneath my shoulderblades and he gently tugged, loosening it. Once it was loose enough, I pulled the whole thing down and off, letting it fall to the floor of the driver's column in a puddle of gauzy blue tulle.

He and I both took off our shoes. He took his phone (which looked brand new except for a cracked screen) and his wallet (its years-old leather torn at the corners) out of the pockets of his dress pants and folded the bottom hems up to his knees. I left my glasses on the dashboard next to Castiel's crumpled handkerchief.

"Wait, I forgot something." I leaned over to his side, reaching between his legs.

"Candy, what—?"

I pulled open the latch of the glove box to retrieve a flashlight that was stashed there under a small first aid kit.

"Oh," he sighed.

We glanced at each other amorously, smiled, and opened the doors, stepping out into the dark, drafty May night.

When I stood, Dake's shirt fell to a point halfway down my thighs, covering the essentials, but it did very little to fend off the the cold sea breeze. The chill ripped right through the thin fabric. I crossed my arms in front of my chest, blushing beet red. Dake, smiling shamelessly, walked around and blanketed me with his bare arms in a futile attempt to warm me. I uncrossed my arms and pressed my face into the crook under his neck, my chest squishing into his. Our bodies fit together like puzzle pieces—and as I stood there, wrapped in his arms, I did feel myself getting warmer.

Then he asked that question—the same question that got us into trouble last summer. "Want to go have some fun?"

As reluctant as I was to leave the warmth of his arms, I was up for another adventure, and nodded my head yes.

I switched on the flashlight I held tight in my hand and lit the way down the concrete stairs to the beach. The sand cushioned our numbed feet as we followed the shoreline. The further we strayed from the tame little beach, guided by the feeble yellow beam, the sand gave way to harsher pebbles and rocks. We didn't mind; the rocks told us we were going the right way.

Up above our cool rock quarry, the blank billboard still stood as a monument to our first evening together. We were too late to commemorate our reunion by watching the sunset; each passing second brought us closer to midnight and tomorrow. This time we would gaze up at the stars.

I shone the flashlight at the rusted ladder so that Dake could see the rungs.

"Ladies first?" he suggested suavely.

"I don't think so!" He would have been able to see _everything _if I climbed up ahead of him. My thought process made no sense; he'd already seen me in a wet bikini in broad daylight, but wearing panties and his button-down shirt made me feel more naked than if I were wearing nothing at all. It was somehow more intimate.

He snapped his fingers defeatedly. "It was worth a try."

I held the flashlight in my teeth as I hoisted myself up behind him.

At the top, Dake counted on me to hold the flashlight steady as he carefully stepped around to the the other side. I followed, shaking from cold and adrenaline and fear of falling—and beaming the whole time. Sitting next to him in a way that was ladylike and didn't put me in danger of tipping over the edge was another challenge I hadn't prepared for. (When Dake was involved, my common sense went out the window and I couldn't prepare for anything.) I ended up half-laying on Dake as I leaned against him, knees together, my head on his shoulder, his arm around my waist.

We sat there in silence for a while, trying to keep each other warm.

"I have questions for you, Dakota Halloran," I told him once my teeth stopped chattering.

His voice cracked as he shivered. "What do you want to know, Candace Emerson?"

"Absolutely everything." Dake was still a mystery to me in many ways. Now that I had him to myself, I wanted to soak in as much as possible.

"Alright, I'll tell you—but only if you tell me everything, too."

"Are you sure?" I spoke in a playful tone, but I meant to warn him. "You might not like what you find out."

"I've never been more sure."

With that, I subjected him to an endless barrage of questions. Each of his answers made me fall deeper in love.

He told me he was left-handed and always had to turn his notebooks upside-down so that the spiral wouldn't get in the way. In elementary school, his friends would tease him for talking with an American twang like his mother, and ever since he'd gone out of his way to sound _extremely _Australian. He'd been fascinated with sharks ever since he learned to surf because they secretly terrified him. He didn't remember the last time he read a book for leisure.

"That probably makes me sound like an idiot." It was unlike him to be so insecure. He needed for me to tell him it was okay.

So I did—because it was. "Well, you have tons of friends, and an incredible talent, which is more than I can say about me. Last I checked, I have something like 130 books in my bedroom, but only _three _friends, not counting you. All boys. All weird."

I told him I was extremely farsighted, but only in one eye. I could figure skate and speak German (which Dake said should be considered "incredible talents," too), but I still couldn't tie my shoes without cheating and using the 'bunny ears' knot. The neighborhood girls on the military base would always typecast me as Ginger whenever we played Spice Girls, even though Baby was my favorite. (To be fair, I thought Baby was everyone's favorite—and he agreed.) It drove me up the wall when I overheard people say 'axe' instead of 'ask' and '_ex_specially' instead of '_es_pecially.'

Most fascinatingly, we were born within hours of each other on the same day exactly one year apart.

"That means I missed your birthday," Dake said, his eyes falling from my eyes to my lips. "I owe you a late birthday present."

"No you don't," I laughed into his teeth as he kissed me. "You being here with me is more than enough. More than I ever could have hoped for."

The deep kisses that followed made me dizzy, turning my brain around inside my skull until I couldn't be sure of which way was down anymore. I clung white-knuckled to Dake, trusting him to keep me grounded. He clung to me just as avidly, filling my mouth with his tongue.

Our passionate kissing interlude erased any remaining shyness, and the questions we asked each other got heavier.

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" I asked him. It was a childish question, but I'd always been curious.

"I'm not really good at anything except surfing," he sighed. "I'm not smart like you or Mum."

"Dake, owning 130 books does _not _make you smart. Look at me. I'm eighteen years old, and until I met you, I'd never been kissed. I didn't even know what 'pashing' _meant_."

"Pashing loads of people doesn't make you smart, either," he reasoned. "It starts to eat away at you, after a while. Like giving little pieces of yourself to people, then they just throw them away."

"Dake..." I promised myself at that moment that I would never throw Dake away. Ever.

He really was smarter than he gave himself credit for.

"I always thought I'd surf until I got too old," he continued, "then I didn't know what I'd do after that. But...I don't think I want that anymore. I haven't told anyone yet, but I think I want to be a paramedic."

I was blown away by his courage. I was so proud of him, I pressed my lips into his cheek and pecked him giddily. "Dake, that's _amazing_! But what made you think to consider it?"

He squeezed me closer to him, pleased with my reaction. "Well... It goes back to Boxing Day, when Brodie called 000."

"You mean _Brodie _called the police on the house party?" I had assumed it was a disgruntled neighbor filing a noise complaint or the angry parent of an underage surfer kid. "Why?"

"He had to, because of Chelsea."

"You mean that girl...?" I was so ashamed. _Oh, the girl with feathers in her hair? The one I passed off an incredibly alcoholic shot to? The one who anguished next to me in the emergency room, vomiting up liquid charcoal and more alcohol than her system could handle? That Chelsea?_

He nodded. "Brodie took for granted how much she'd had to drink already," Dake explained, "and he kept giving her more. When we were, you know, in my room, they went out to his car, and I guess they... Well, I'm not sure _how _far they got before she blacked out and stopped breathing. Brodie didn't even _know _about the fight going on inside the house. It's a good thing he called when he did, or else... Or else I might have lost you."

"I was just dehydrated," I said, waving dismissively. "I forgot to eat or drink anything that whole day—except for that tainted Vegemite toast you tried to feed me." I tried to lighten the mood by nudging him flirtatiously, but I couldn't shake the feeling of dread that came with the painful memories of that night. "Between that, and seeing you get so badly hurt... I couldn't handle it. I fainted. Chelsea had it way worse than I did." I was thankful Dake had advised against me drinking Brodie's Rip Tide shot, not even to try one. One would have turned into four or five, and then I would have needed my stomach voided, too. "But what about you?" I pried further. "That paramedic ignored you completely and went straight for me?"

"No, he tried to help me first, but I wouldn't let him. Not until he settled you."

I was speechless. Even as he lay bleeding and in pain, he still put me first?

If that wasn't love, I didn't know what love was.

He went on: "The paramedic asked me if you'd hit your head, and how much you'd had to drink—though I don't think he believed me at first when I shook my head for 'no' and 'nothing,' because he asked two more times just to be sure. When he figured it was safe to move you, he picked you up and carried you in his arms out to the ambulance that took Chelsea away. They came for me and your mate Lysander next in a different ambulance and took us to Saint Andrew's."

"I never saw you in the emergency room," I blurted senselessly.

"That's my fault. They probably would have let me see you, except I... I kept ripping out my I.V. and trying to stand up, so they had to strap me down. I couldn't talk because of all the blood. I couldn't tell them why I needed to get up."

"You _ripped _out your I.V.? More than _once_?" I exclaimed, aghast. "That had to _hurt_!"

"Not as much as it did when I found out you were gone. Then, when Mum and Dad got a call from Saint Andrew's in the middle of the night and found out I came out of a fight with a broken nose, that was it. They sold the house in Brisbane and made me move to Florida with them."

"You mean...you came here from _Florida_?"

"Yeah. I don't much like it there. There's beaches, but it's not the same. It made for a shorter flight, which is good, I guess."

I had no idea the consequences of that night had been so severe for Dake. I thought that the surgeries and months without being able to surf were bad enough, but he had been uprooted from his home and all his friends, too.

… _Because of me._

"Didn't you tell them what happened, Dake?" I sputtered indignantly. "It wasn't your fault!"

He shrugged. "They wanted me outta there. They couldn't trust me anymore. I love them and everything, but living with them again has been hell. What about your oldies, Candy? Did they spaz out like mine did?"

"Uh... I live with my Auntie. She was disappointed, sure, but she's never around long enough to make it hell for me. It gets lonely..." … _Especially on long summer days._

His brow furrowed with confusion. "Why do you live with your Aunt? What happened to your parents?"

I knew he would ask, but it still made me sigh gloomily. "I don't even remember Mom. She left us when I was just a baby. I might never know why. Dad always said that I wouldn't understand, that he'd explain when I was older. He never did, though, before he got deployed. Now he's been Missing in Action for a year and a half."

"I'm sorry, Candy." His sympathy was dignified and genuine, not like the syrupy 'I'm sorries' I was used to hearing from people who were trying to sound polite.

I found it was easier to talk to Dake about Dad than it was with anyone else—even Auntie. "Part of me wants to believe he's still out there somewhere, fighting to get back to us... But part of me wishes the Army would finally send someone to ring the doorbell and tell us to stop hoping. Hoping makes me so _tired_, Dake. I'm never sure how I should feel. I love him so much, and I want him to come home more than anything... But if he's already dead, then my hope will have been wasted."

Dake watched the full moon as he contemplated. "It's not the same, since he's your Dad, but..." He turned sideways to look me straight in the eyes and clutched my hand with cold fingers. "I know what it's like to feel tired of hoping. I got tired of hoping, so I got on a plane the first chance I got and came to find you. I thought maybe you had a boyfriend or you'd forgotten me. I didn't know for sure if you would even _be _here. But I had to find out." His eyes fluttered closed, and he rested his forehead against mine, talking into my lips. "I should have told you I loved you when I had the chance on Boxing Day, but I was afraid of scaring you away."

"I was, too," I confided in him, letting my own eyes close. It was as if Dake had been channeling my thoughts. My own fears and insecurities spilled from his lips, and I drank in the familiar poison so that he wouldn't have to suffer alone. "I think... I think I've loved you right from the start. I forget what it's like to not be in love with you."

Dake was touched. He held me tight, shielding me from the wind that whistled and around the decrepit billboard. I listened as he drew slow, deep breaths.

As much as we enjoyed the eagle's nest view of the Sweet Amoris shoreline, we couldn't stay perched there all night in the wind and cold. I climbed down first and Dake followed.

Poor Dake wasn't used to the cold. I doubted if it ever dropped below the sixties where he'd lived in Brisbane or where he lived now in Florida. I wished I could take him home and wrap him up in blankets, but I wouldn't be able to justify it to Auntie if she found a boy in my bed. The sand on the secluded beach would have to do for now.

I burrowed into the muck with Dake, where we laughed and rolled around. He searched my body for all its ticklish spots—which he soon found out were practically everywhere if he touched me right. I threw a handful of sand at him to defend myself from his aggressive, rib-splitting tickling. The tiny particles forced their way under my nails and snuck under Dake's shirt, itching me all over. Dake accidentally hit me in the face with a retributive clot of sand mid-laugh. I spat most of it out, but some of the salty grit still clung to my tongue.

"I'm _so _sorry, Candy!"

"Sure you are!" I tackled him and he toppled backwards. He pretended to squirm and struggle when I straddled his waist, but it was painfully obvious how much he loved it. I loved it, too. "This is payback," I snickered, laying a gritty open-mouthed kiss on his lips.

He didn't shrink away from my sandy kiss. His hands pulled my head closer to his, kissing me longer and deeper than ever before. If kissing Dake got any more intense than this, I was afraid my head would explode.

We didn't realize the tide was encroaching on us. At first, a little trickle lapped at our toes; we giggled at the cold, but we weren't bothered enough to separate from our perfect kiss and move. Seconds later, we both let out sputtering gasps as the icy water rushed over, underneath, and all around us, hissing through the loose sand and taking some of the specks with it as it shied back down the beach.

"I haven't been in the water since I moved," he admitted, spitting out a mixture of salt water, my saliva, and his own. "I haven't been in the mood."

The idea of a Dake who had avoided the ocean for so long was bothersome, even distressing. I had to put an end to Dake's sea boycott tonight, right this second. "Well, don't you think it's time you went back?" I sprang up to free him, his soaked shirt hanging from the curves of my chest and hips. "Come on! We're already wet!"

He couldn't argue with that. I bolted through the wet sand as hard and fast as I could, just to see if Dake could catch me. He eventually did, but only when I slipped on an especially soupy patch of sand-and-water slurry and fell facefirst into an ice-cold wave. Dake scooped me up in his arms and carried me like a ragdoll deeper into the frigid water. I could tell me was building up enough momentum to throw me in. Right before he let me go, I sucked in a mouthful of air and braced for the glacial cold. He sent me flying with a labored grunt, and I plunged under the waves. Without coming up for air, I swam with my eyes clenched shut, feeling for Dake's legs. Above the surface, he let out a muffled laugh-scream and came tumbling into the water in front of me when I pulled him off balance. His hands found my face, and when we resurfaced together, we were kissing, laughing, and gasping for air all at the same time.

It was the merciless cold that eventually drove us out of the water and back to my parked car. I must have dropped the flashlight somewhere; we had to stumble up the staircase with only the light of the moon to guide us. We pulled open the doors with so-cold-they-might-fall-off fingers and fell into the backseat. I didn't care in the slightest about the sand and salt water getting all over the pristine interior. All that mattered was being with Dake—and getting him warm, because he was visibly shaking. When I turned the key in the ignition and cranked the heat all the way up, I made sure to turn off the interior overhead light and the headlights; my solitary white car was conspicuous enough without being lit up like a beacon. I also confirmed that the doors were locked, the mechanical _click _putting my mind at ease.

He reached out his shaking arms, pulling me on top of him as he stretched out in the backseat. We listened to the gentle cadence of each other's heartbeats and the hum of the engine as we gradually warmed up. The moisture in the air was so thick that it clung to the cool, black windows in a film of condensation, turning them a misty gray.

I thought immediately of the scene from _Titanic _when Jack and Rose got it on in a period-appropriate car down in the cargo hold of the doomed vessel. I giggled, and, unable to help myself, smeared a messy handprint into the fogged-up rear window, imagining the haunting music of a penny whistle playing in the background.

"_Titanic_?" Dake asked, the color returning to his face.

"_God_, I love you so much," was all I could think to say in reply.

What he said next floored me. I literally fell off of him and slid onto the floor as he said it. "Come back to Florida with me, Candy."

"What?" I pulled myself back up, clutching the door handle. "Dake, you're not _serious_."

He was. "Mum and Dad are dying to meet you. They're going to love you."

"Dake, I still have to graduate high school."

"I know. I meant after graduation. You could come with me then, couldn't you?"

I thought about it. I thought about it longer than I should have—until I remembered one deal-breaking stipulation. "I'm going to college in August. I'm moving two hours away from here."

He was in severe, heartbreaking denial. "They have universities in Florida."

"I got a scholarship to Dad's alma mater through Army ROTC, because he's MIA. I feel like if I went anywhere else, I'd sort of be...forsaking him."

He understood, and didn't argue further. "You're not going to university until August, though, right? We have until then. If your Aunt won't let you come to Florida, then I'll stay here."

"You mean you'll stay here _all summer_?" I squealed, more high-pitched than I'd intended.

"I'm pretty sure Mum and Dad would be okay with it, since I'm here with Boris. And you."

"But...when summer ends..._then _what?"

Neither of us knew the right answer to that.

_Do we have to decide tonight?_

My sadness and uncertainty was overshadowed by a new, mysterious, magical feeling. As Dake and I laid there in soggy, sandy silence, I felt an unfamiliar stirring in my body. He must have felt the same thing; he wore a low-lidded come-hither smolder on his face I'd only ever seen once before—when we were in his bedroom on Boxing Day, overcome with lust.

And suddenly, I was trying to decide something else entirely.

_Is now the moment? Is this it? Now, here?_

That was it. I decided.

"Candy," he breathed. "What are you thinking right now?"

"I'm trying to think of something, _anything_, that would make me stop loving you—and I can't. Not time, not distance, not common sense. I trust you more than I trust anyone."

"I love you, too, Candy. I can't help myself. I want you. But only if you're ready. It doesn't have to be now, if you don't—"

"But I do," I gasped. "I do want to, if it's with you."

He pulled me on top of him once more, taking heaving breaths in and out. His right hand cradled my head, petting my hopelessly tangled hair, while his left snaked down the small of my back, down my backside, down my thighs, down to where his shirt ended. He eased a hand under the shirt and snaked it back up—thighs, backside, back—his hands rolling gently over the sand that stuck to my still-moist skin.

I pulled away slightly to prop myself up on one arm. I caressed the ridges of his abs and chest with my gritty fingers. He compulsively shivered when my hand passed over his navel and down to his belt buckle. I stopped there, my fingers barely touching the clasp of his pants, and looked up at his face for reassurance. His eyes rolled back into his head, and just as his lips formed my name—

"Candace!" came a harsh voice from outside the car. A gold-and-magenta figment appeared in the mist on the other side of the window.

_Busted!_

My worst fear realized, all of the panic I'd bottled up since the day began came bursting out of my throat in the form of a deafening scream. I screamed several decibels too loud for such a small, enclosed space; the noise battered my own eardrums and probably assaulted Dake's, too.

He sat up bolt-straight, banging his head into the low ceiling, crying out a gross-but-adorable Australian expletive.

"_Open _this door, Candace," shrieked the voice of my Aunt.

"Um..." I was practically naked.

"Open the door _now_! I _bought _you this car, Candace!"

She was right. I'd been so swept away by Dake crashing the prom, I'd forgotten myself.

Humiliated, I pulled the latch under the window up and cracked the door—and she flung it all the way open, falling to her knees and throwing her arms around me in a neck-crushing hug. "I've been looking _everywhere _for you! I was about to call the _police_! Do you have _any _idea what _time _it is? Do you have _any _idea what your Dad would do to me if I _lost _you?" She shoved me away, wiping her face with hands. "And _why _are you all _wet_?"

"I—"

When Dake unlocked the door on his side, I thought Boris would tear it off its hinges. His anger could not be expressed in words.

"Candace, what's gotten _into _you?" Auntie demanded. "Do you know what went through my mind when I couldn't _find _you?"

"I'm _sorry_, Auntie, I just—"

I was glad Auntie cut me off, because I had no idea how to explain myself. I was definitely busted.

She sighed, pressed her gold fingernails into her temples, and made furious little circles as hard as she could. "God almighty, Candace! _What _am I going to do with you? First you get _thrown _out of your study abroad program for _partying_, and now _this_!"

"She wasn't partying," Dake spoke up.

My mouth fell open. _Did Dake just talk back to my Auntie?_

"She was trying to find _me_," he explained, addressing both Auntie and Boris in front of him. "We've been trying to find each other a_ll year_. And now we have."

Auntie couldn't wrap her mind around it. "Is this _true_, Candace?"

"I met him last summer, here on the beach." Against my better judgement, I cracked a smile. "I never did thank you for picking out that purple bikini."

"You mean _Candace _was that girl from the beach?" Boris cried, his anger abating. "Tonight's been _full _of surprises, hasn't it?"

I reached for my glasses on the dashboard so I could read backlit the digital clock, and gasped when I realized it was 4AM.

_It took Boris and Auntie five hours—from 11PM when we cut out of prom early, until now—to find us here, parked on the street above beach? How many other places could we possibly have gone in such a small town?_

It occurred to me then that they probably would have found us sooner—if they'd wanted to. I had a feeling they took full advantage of their time alone, perhaps catching up and reminiscing about old times—or maybe, just maybe, making _new _memories. The special twinkle in Auntie's round eyes would suggest that they had done a little of all three.

_Tonight has been full of surprises, indeed._

Auntie blinked her peeling false eyelashes. "I wasn't born yesterday, Sweetie. I know you're not a little girl anymore. You're becoming a woman, and soon you'll start exploring your sexuality."

I wanted to curl up in the trunk and die. "Auntie, oh my _God_! Nothing like _that _happened!" (_Because you so rudely interrupted_, I didn't have the nerve to say out loud.) "I didn't... I mean, _he _didn't..." I didn't know why I was still talking. Words just kept spilling out.

Auntie rolled her eyes and smiled. "I'm not happy about you sneaking around this late, but I'm still proud of you."

"_Proud_ of me? For _what_?"

"If _I _was in the backseat with a soaking wet surfer boy, my v-card would have been gone in ten seconds flat. You have better self control than _I _had when _I _was eighteen years old."

"Oh my _God_, Auntie!"

_And Nathaniel wonders why I'm suddenly so perverted. It must run in the family._

On the other side of the car, Boris was giving Dake a similar rundown. "Did you use what I left you in your pocket?"

Confused, Dake shoved a hand into his pocket. He cringed when he found the small, square object Boris had hidden there. "What? No, of course not!"

"You mean you _didn't _use it?"

"We didn't need to! Uncle Boris, it wasn't like that at all! She's... I mean..." He laughed, glancing over his shoulder at me.

Auntie arched her eyebrows at Boris over the roof of the car. "Come on, Candace. I'll drive you home. We can come back for your car tomorrow."

"I'll be right there, Auntie," I assured her a she turned and click-clacked back to her own car.

Boris took the hint, too. "I'll be in the car," he told Dake, and crossed the street to where his Trail Blazer was parked.

It really was nice of them to give us a chance to say good night, considering what we had just been caught doing—or about to do.

"What are you doing tomorrow?" Dake asked, scooting across the seat to hug me.

"Me? Probably sleeping until three in the afternoon," I said truthfully, hugging him back.

"Me too," he chuckled. "But _after _that?"

"Something with you, I hope. You should come meet me at our apartment. It's number eight on Helena Street. It's the duplex with the terra cotta roof."

"I'll be there."

"But, I should tell you right now, so you're not disappointed... Auntie has a party to work, so she'll be gone all night."

"That's too bad," he whispered into my lips. "I guess we'll have to find something fun to do, just the two of us." He sealed the promise with a kiss.

Auntie was getting impatient; she honked her horn.

We reluctantly exhaled and got out of the car, standing on shaky legs.

"I love you," he said.

"I love you, too." And I really did—so much it hurt. "Goodbye, Dake."

"It's only goodbye until tomorrow. I'll see you then."


	50. Chapter 50

**Chapter 50: Epilogue**

Registering for a 3PM lecture in a hall that could seat more than three hundred turned out to be a mistake. Of course, on this particular Friday, the hall was barely one-eighth full; most everyone else was bustling around the campus outside, preparing for a night of fun before finals week. It was a good thing the hall was windowless, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to resist escaping into the gorgeously crisp November afternoon that promised to turn into a beautiful night.

_And tonight will indeed be beautiful._

I couldn't sit still. I had long since tuned out the professor's monotone droning. Instead, I wrote my initials over and over in the margin of my notebook, smiling at my own delusions.

_And this is what my initials would be if I took his last name... And this is what they would be if I kept my maiden name as my middle name... And this is what they would be if I decided to hyphenate both last names together... But then, which would come first? Mine or his? Should I put them in sequential order or alphabetical order? Oh, I guess either way would be the same... I should practice spelling out his last name in cursive..._

A buzz from my hoodie pocket told me I'd received a text—hopefully from _him_. I threw a furtive glance at the professor. He didn't seem to notice the boy behind me was fast asleep and snoring, so hopefully he wouldn't notice the screen on my phone light up as I checked the text message under my desk. Even if he did notice, what could he do? College professors didn't give detentions.

"We're almost there," read the text. "Are you getting hungry? Goldilocks' for dinner later?"

"Sounds perfect," I stoically typed back once I got over my silent gigglefit. "I'm starving." I meant, of course, that I was starving for more than just Goldilocks' deep-dish pizza. I'd been starved of my boyfriend's love and attention.

The professor was merciful and dismissed us even though there were still ten minutes left, which was just as well since no one was paying attention. It was hard to resist the urge to tromble the slower people in front of me as they lazily filed out of the hall and out into the autumnal bliss outside. I made a beeline for the shady wooded quadrangle that was home this semester, cutting across the frat houses' lawns and the library parking lot.

A boy who lived on my floor was a few paces ahead of me, unlocking the outside door of the building. He recognized me and politely held the door open.

I quickened my pace so that he wouldn't have to stand there waiting. "Thanks, Theo," I panted, flashing him a soft smile.

"No problem," he said back. "How's it been, Mandy?"

I gave a generic answer, hoping it came off sounding more good-natured than annoyed. I didn't correct him when he called my by the wrong name; I found that the other freshmen on our floor were constantly getting my and my roommate's names confused. I blamed the faceless computer algorithm that had assigned two girls with rhyming names to the same dorm room.

Theo walked beside me up the stairs to the second floor. "Any fun plans tonight? I heard there's supposed to be something going on down at Kappa Zeta Lambda. If you want to check it out, maybe I'll see you there."

"Sorry, but I've never been the frat party type," I said bluntly. "And anyway, Mandy and I have a double date."

I hadn't meant to, but I could tell I embarrassed Theo when he realized he'd gotten my name wrong. "O-oh, I'm sorry, Candy. I called you Mandy just then, didn't I?" he stuttered.

"Candace is fine, too, if it makes it easier for you." I came to an abrupt stop in front of my room, 208. "Well, I'll see you around, Theo! Don't do anything _too _stupid tonight."

"Yeah. I mean, I won't." The piercing trill of his ringtone cut him off. He seemed grateful for the distraction. "I guess I'll see ya," he muttered to me over his shoulder just before he answered his phone. "Hello? ... No, not anymore. Yeah, I can be there in thirty minutes..." His voice trailed off as he continued down the hall to the boys' half.

Mandy must have heard my voice through the cinderblock walls. She pulled the door open while I was still digging around in my backpack for my key lanyard. "Are you ready for tonight?" she bubbled.

We looked nothing alike, Mandy and I, except perhaps that we both flat-ironed our long hair, hers brown and mine dark red. Her heart-shaped face was unabated by glasses frames like mine was, and her five-eight frame allowed her to move around with a graceful saunter while all five feet and one inch of me had to trot just to keep up.

I let my backpack slide off my shoulder and fall to the ground next to my writing desk—and it would remain there untouched until extremely late Sunday night or early Monday morning. "I'm not _remotely _ready! I look _disgusting_!" I tore the elastic out of my ponytail and pulled off my faded hoodie to change into the date-worthy outfit I'd already set aside: a new pair of gray skinny jeans and a low-cut tank top that looked good with a seafoam green cardigan.

"You know he doesn't care what you wear," Mandy said, rolling her eyes.

She was right. Formalwear, sleepwear, swimwear, underwear—it didn't matter to him. "I guess not," I concurred, "but I still have some time before they get here, and I really should brush my teeth and—wait a second, is that shirt one of mine?"

She glanced down at the off-the-shoulder t-shirt she was wearing. "Maybe..."

"You left all your laundry at your _boyfriend's _apartment again, didn't you?"

She slumped down on her bed, her face glowing pink as she smiled. "Yeah. I meant to do it the last time I was over there, but we got kinda distracted."

I grinned lewdly. "I figured as much. You can keep it, if you want. I look terrible in yellow anyway." Truthfully, I was happy to share with Mandy. She was more than a roommate; she was my best (and only) girlfriend.

Toiletry bag and cell phone in tow, I stepped out into the hallway and headed for the girls' bathroom to make myself over.

I checked my phone as I was putting the finishing touches on my hair and makeup and found he had sent me another text ten minutes ago. "We're in your room," read Castiel's message. "Hurry it up, Ice Princess! I'm sure you look fine."

_He's here! In my room! Right now!_

This time I really _did _have an audible gigglefit, which made the girl using the next sink over stop curling her eyelashes and stare at me in the mirror while I frantically re-packed my toiletry bag. I rushed back to 208 and opened the door to find Castiel and Mandy sitting on her bed, locked in a heated kiss.

The two had been inseparable ever since I introduced them back in August. Castiel took one look at those blue eyes and he was done for. In many ways, Mandy reminded me of a female Castiel: they both smoked like chimneys, cussed like sailors, fussed over Demon like he was their first-born son, and were gifted musicians. At the same time, Mandy was sweeter, nicer—maybe a little bit _too _nice for her own good—which was the perfect contrast to Castiel's bitter streak.

I only wondered how my boyfriend and I would hold up compared to the seemingly unstoppable romantic powerhouse that was Mandiel.

"Where's mine?" I whined.

Castiel tore away from Mandy's lips, his smirk expanding into a full-fledged smile—the kind he wore whenever Mandy was around. "What, your kiss?"

"No, my _boyfriend_, dipshit!" I play-smacked the back of his head, messing up his black hair. He'd dyed it back to its natural color when we moved from Sweet Amoris. I'd always liked his fiery ginger persona, but black-haired Castiel was more true to life than red-haired Castiel.

Before Castiel could say, "Look behind you," my boyfriend's arms were already squeezed tightly around me. I would have cried out, but his touch took my breath away. It took every ounce of willpower I possessed not to burst into tears of happiness when I smelled his cologne and heard his voice.

"I missed you, Candy."

"I missed you _so _much, Dake," I whispered back, nuzzling him as he gently kissed my neck. I turned around so I could look into his blue-green eyes and hug him face-to-face. I hadn't seen him since August—chronologically, only four months—but it felt like an eternity. He and I floated in a dreamlike state until I remembered Mandy and Castiel sitting there staring at us. "Um," I said, flustered, "Dake, this is Mandy, my roommate. Mandy, this is Dake."

"We 'officially' met while you were still getting pretty," she giggled, standing and pulling Dake into a friendly hug. One of her fingers reached up and touched his lips, as if to shush him. "Oh yes, I know _all _about Dake... _I know all your dirty secrets_," she announced in a loud, mockingly-seductive whisper.

"_Wow_, Mandy. Way to make him feel comfortable," Castiel sassed.

It was true, though; some nights, Mandy and I bonded for hours by telling each other everything there was to know about our respective boyfriends. I thought I knew Castiel pretty well, but his girlfriend saw him through different eyes. Her observations about him were definitely...enlightening. Similarly, I told Mandy the Dake-and-Candace story—about the beach, the study abroad program, the surf tournament, the house party, the prom—and the unforgettable summer we'd spent together after graduation.

We were almost never apart the entirety of that summer. He would come collect me late in the morning and we'd go straight to the beach, where we would stay until I ran out of SPF 80. Most afternoons and evenings, either my Auntie or his Uncle Boris was at work (or on on a date—with each other), leaving one apartment or the other vacant and unsupervised. He would come over to mine under the pretense of 'helping me pack,' and I went to his to 'eat dinner and watch movies.' (Although we did those things some of the time, that wasn't usually all that happened.)

When summer ended, I moved into my dorm on campus, and Dake went back to Florida, but saying goodbye to him for good was impossible.

My friends Nathaniel and Lysander were supportive of Dake and me at first, but they thought hanging onto him via a long-distance relationship was foolish and would ultimately end in heartache when one of us succame to tempation—but I didn't listen, and neither did Dake. I suspected they were just jaded because their relationships with Melody and Peggy didn't pan out after the girls moved away to far-flung out-of-state colleges.

For the past four months, Dake had sent me his love in calls, texts, and webcam chats, and I had done my best to reciprocate, but both of us were at a breaking point. He'd already gone out of his way to come to Sweet Amoris in May and stay the entire summer, so I promised I would visit him in Florida during my winter break, but he couldn't wait that long. He broke down and spent a large chunk of the money from his part-time job on a plane ticket to visit me this weekend—which was more than okay with me. His flight had been delayed and landed too late in the afternoon for me to drive to the airport myself because I had to (begrudgingly) go to my Psychology lecture. It was sweet of Castiel to step in at the last minute and pick him up; he knew how important Dake was to me.

I couldn't believe he was standing in my dorm room right now, hugging my roommate and laughing boisterously at her attempt to phase him. "I'll have to watch myself around you, then, won't I?" He seemed more impressed than creeped out by the fact that I'd told Mandy absolutely everything about him.

Castiel took Mandy's hand and pulled her towards the door, her coat under his arm. "Come on, Little Girl. They need a minute to get _reacquainted_."

"Oh, I _bet _they do. We'll wait around for _ten minutes_," Mandy told us sternly, "and then we're leaving without you."

It took more like fifteen minutes for Dake and me to get reacquainted. Once we were alone together, we fell to the floor right where we stood and made out, overrun by a frenzied rush of emotion. It felt almost like a game: _How much can we get away with in ten minutes?_

If Castiel and Mandy hadn't been waiting on us to rejoin them, we would have stayed shut in that room all night. Luckily, they weren't serious about leaving us behind. We found them sitting on the cold concrete ledge of a raised flower bed outside the building, smoking cigarettes and subjecting the passersby to their lovey-dovey Public Displays of Affection.

"_Finally_," Mandy huffed, flicking the ash from her cigarette as she stood. "Let's go! I'm _so _hungry!"

"I am, too," Dake agreed. "Where did you say we were going again?" he asked Castiel.

"Goldilocks'," he answered, smoke streaming from his mouth.

"They have the best pizza _ever_," Mandy elaborated. "It's like _God _exploding in your mouth."

Dake looked down at me with a wry smile that I knew meant, _Your friends...they're weird_. _And I like them._

The musical clock tower in the middle of campus tolled 6PM. We crunched through the brown-and-yellow leaves that skittered across the streets and sidewalks, carried by a cold gust of wind.

Dake shivered and shoved his hands into the pockets of his jacket, but the slinky performance fabric didn't look very warm. The knuckles of his left hand clenched around a small object. I thought nothing of it as I looped my arm through his and stroked his back, matching his stride.

Our foursome reached the strip of adorable boutiques at the far end of campus where Goldilocks was nestled between a brightly-lit bar and a kebab restaurant. Inside it smelled tantalizingly of marinara sauce, garlic, and cinnamon. The cheery hostess showed us to a booth in the back and gave us sticky menus to study.

Before he sat down next to me, Dake fished his phone out of his pants pocket. "Look what Brodie sent me," he said, holding it out to me.

The picture in question was of a girl's dainty hand wrapped around a calloused, tan boy's—and on the girl's finger was a breathtakingly beautiful ring. Its colored stone was set in white gold and bookended on either side by two smaller white diamonds.

"Is that...Brodie and Chelsea?"

"Yeah."

"He _proposed_?"

"Yeah."

"So now they're—"

"Engaged. He just asked her earlier today."

I squealed with girlish excitement, throwing my arms around Dake's neck. "I don't believe it! And I don't believe how amazing this _ring _is!" I couldn't take my eyes off of his phone's cracked screen. "Is that topaz or a yellow diamond?"

"Ooh, lemme see!" Mandy cried, leaning across the table and prying Dake's phone out of my hand. "I think it _is _a yellow diamond! Who's the happy couple?"

"His best friend Brodie and his girlfriend—well, I guess _fiancée_, now," I filled her in, still reeling from the unexpected news. "He's the one who tipped me off about the surf tournament last year when I was in Australia. If I hadn't run into him completely by chance, I never would have found Dake."

"_Aww_," Mandy cooed. "How sweet! ...How _old _are these newly-engaged friends of yours, Dake?"

"They're both nineteen, same as me."

"Wait a second," Castiel interjected. "Two things. One, no offense or anything, but how does a nineteen-year-old have enough cash to buy a _yellow diamond_? Because whatever he's been doing, I want in on it right now. And two, aren't they a little _young _to be getting married?"

Dake tittered and nodded, understanding his confusion. "Brodie's taken first in almost every surf tournament in Queensland since I moved away," he said proudly.

I was flabbergasted. I had no idea competitive surfing could rake in that kind of cash. "I'm sure that's just because _you're _not there to take first from him," I said, rubbing his cold hands.

"Naw, Brodie's been getting really good. He's probably better than me, now."

I knew Dake had been out of practice since he broke his nose and was forced to move away. Surfing had been his main source of entertainment, self-confidence, and identity before I turned his whole world upside down. Castiel and Mandy probably didn't notice, but I could hear the bittersweetness in his voice when he talked about his best friend surpassing him.

"And you're right, they _are _young," Dake admitted, answering Castiel's second question, "but you've got to hand it to him for coming right out and asking her like that." His smile returned and the sadness in his eyes receded. "He knew she was the one. What's the point of waiting around until everyone else thinks you're old enough to know what you want?"

The server appeared at the head of the table, flustered as dug in the pockets of his apron for the pen he didn't realize was behind his ear. "Hey, sorry to keep you guys waiting. Do you know what you want?"

"I know what I want," said Dake—but he was looking at me, not the server.

My heart melted as I gazed back. I did a double take when I noticed the familiar eyes of the server were staring at me unblinkingly.

Mandy recognized him, too. "Hey, Theo!" she chirped. "I didn't know you worked here."

"Hey, um..._Mandy_," Theo coughed distractedly. "I just started a few weeks ago."

"Not hitting up that frat party after all?" I said before I could stop myself.

"Uh, no. I was, but my boss called me in because they were short-staffed tonight. You know, 'cause everyone's out...having fun."

"_Awkward_," Castiel hissed.

Mandy meant to stomp on his foot under the table, but the heel of her boot dug into mine instead.

"Ow!" I cried. "_Dammit_, Mandy!"

Her hands shot up to her mouth to hide her smile. "I'm sorry, Candy!"

My big toe throbbed, but I couldn't help but smile, too.

Castiel and Dake burst into unrestrained laughter.

"Um... I'll give you guys a minute to decide," Theo stammered. "No rush." He couldn't get away from us fast enough.

Once we regained our composure, we were able to tell poor Theo our order with straight faces and enjoy eating out on a Friday night as though we were normal people. The gigantic pizza we ordered devoured and the check split in half (I made sure to leave Theo a good tip for having to deal with us), we went back out into the cold November night, which had turned completely black.

We said our goodnights to Castiel and Mandy when we got back to the quadrangle; they walked arm-in-arm under the street lamps out to where Castiel's Lumina was parked, and from there he would drive them to his apartment. Depending on how her night with Castiel went, I knew I wouldn't see Mandy back at the dorm until late tomorrow morning—or maybe even tomorrow afternoon.

I could tell I was in for a fun night with Dake, but I didn't know then that I was in for an earth-shattering surprise.

"I can't tell you how glad I am that you're here," I whispered to him when we returned to the safety and solitude of room 208.

"There's nowhere else I'd rather be," he assured me, kissing my forehead. He sat on the comforter of my bed, beckoning to me to sit next to him.

"I had a surprise planned for you for Christmas," I said, unbuttoning my coat and cardigan and carelessly letting both fall to the floor, "but since you're here now, I might as well give it to you early."

"Really? I have something for you, too," he divulged as I joined him on the bed.

"Want me to go first?" I crawled closer to him, bringing my face within an inch of his ear. "I'll give you a hint: you have to take off my clothes to find it."

An eager smile spread across his face. He brought his hand around to my back, sliding it underneath my shirt and meaning to pull it off.

"No, you have to start _lower_ than that."

His smile spread wider. He shoved me down onto my back and straddled me, unbuttoning and unzipping my jeans with impatient hands.

When my jeans came off, he found my surprise: a new tattoo coiled around my left ankle. Geometric triangles, dots, and lines formed an Aboriginal band, the same as the one around his left wrist. Getting a tattoo was like getting a shot and getting tickled at the same time hundreds of times in a row, but the astonished look on his face when he saw it was well worth it.

"They're pictographs of the Wakara people," I said as he examined it. "The lines mean 'journey,' and the circles mean 'place of rest.'"

"I didn't know it was Wakara," he admitted. "I just thought it meant that life is like a journey."

I nodded. "That's _exactly _what it means. I wanted one like yours, because—"

"Because you want to come with me?"

"Yes."

"Candy..." He laid down on top of me, enveloping me in a hug.

"_Ow_!" I cried, pushing him off of me. "What _is _that?" Something hard dug into the bare skin of my midriff where Dake had lifted up my shirt.

"Sorry," he said, sitting up. "That's my present for you. I guess I was kind of thinking the same as you were."

He brought his hand out of the pocket of his jacket...holding a velvety ring box.

"Dake, what is...? Why...? I..." I was suddenly abashed by the fact that I wasn't wearing pants. I had always imagined this moment of my life going much, much differently.

He opened it.

Much to my simultaneous relief and dismay, it was not a yellow diamond. It wasn't even a regular diamond. It was a sheet of stationery folded into a tiny square.

I took it in trembling hands, and unfolded it.

It was an admissions letter addressed to Mr. Dakota Halloran, congratulating him on his acceptance into the college's School of Nursing. I finally put two and two together. "You're coming _here _next semester?"

He nodded. "I'm sorry about the theatrics, but I had to come here to tell you in person."

"In person...with a _ring box_?"

"Oh, the whole ring box thing was Castiel's idea."

"Of _course _it was," I sighed, tears leaking from my eyes as I smiled. "Why am I not surprised?"

Dake smiled, too, his eyes uncharacteristically misty. "I had to come here to be with you. I can't get through nursing school without you. And... I can't say goodbye to you ever again, Candy."

"Then don't," I told him, holding him close and kissing him deep. "And neither will I."


End file.
